Don't want to get too far into this family violence issue because it will suck up all of my energy...my crazy father abused my mother for years. It was the 1970's and women could not get credit cards or rent an apartment without a man co-signing the lease. She did not know how to drive. And she had four kids. How was she supposed to leave him?
It took as long for her to get away as it took for her to get entangled with him. And she got no help from anyone, because people said the kind of stuff that kindred says here.....
Violent abusers are often sociopaths who know how to manipulate situations to trap the victim. Like child molesters, they have a standard MO. He looks for a woman who is in trouble, wants to get away from a bad home life, and he acts as her knight in shining armor.
He is charming, a dream come true, kind and loving. She can't believe how lucky she is to meet him-- her friends are so jealous. They don't have boyfriends who give them flowers and candy. She ignores the little signs that something might be wrong with him-- all his previous girlfriends are bitches who badmouth him for no reason.
He finds out all about her, rents her favorite movies, takes her to the places she likes to eat. Then one day, he slaps her. She is shocked, but he apologizes and says it will never happen again. More flowers and candy follow. She thinks she must have done something wrong. And he convinces her that was it. She just has to stay in line.
It starts slowly and then escalates. Few guys are psycho enough to beat a woman senseless on the first date. At first it just seems like he really cares about her, wanting to know who her friends are, telling her he likes her in dresses instead of pants. Then he is limiting her phone calls, timing her trips to the store, monitoring who she spends time with. And the beatings increase.
If there are kids, he threatens to hurt them if she dares to think about leaving him. She buys a gun, but women who shoot abusers usually go to prison, because they have to shoot him when he is asleep or drunk. Otherwise he will get the gun away and kill her. Sometimes the best thing she can do is stay with him and hope it does not get worse.
Because if she does leave he will find her. (My father tracked my mother down across seven states.) And he will kill her if he can.
It is too common in the news: estranged husband tracks down and kills wife, kids and turns the gun on himself. She should have....what?
So yes, we need laws against this sh!t.