Author Topic: Do you know who you fuck?  (Read 1308 times)

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Offline Chronos

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Do you know who you fuck?
« on: April 14, 2012, 05:54:52 AM »
Do you bother to get the name of the person you fuck? It does seem unnecessary, doesn't it? What's in name anyway?


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Offline One Above All

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #1 on: April 14, 2012, 05:58:25 AM »
Nobody so far. I'm still waiting for the right guy/girl.[1]

As for your link, that's just stupid. If the guy wants the kid, he'll speak up. If he doesn't, what are the odds that she's going to find him anyway? She should have an abortion and/or use contraceptives next time. I'm surprised they[2] didn't.
 1. If you want sex just for the sake of it, get a hooker. They're probably more experienced.
 2. Both of them.
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Offline Ice Monkey

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2012, 09:16:46 AM »
Do you bother to get the name of the person you fuck? It does seem unnecessary, doesn't it? What's in name anyway?


Did we hook up at the Megadeth/Motorhead concert? - w4m

I do now.
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Offline MadBunny

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2012, 10:28:28 AM »
Here you go. 


See how easy it is to solve this sort of problem kids?  Speaking of kids, don't you just know that child is going to have some truly excellent parenting?  Almost heartwarming isn't it?
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Offline jeremy0

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2012, 08:59:40 PM »
The precept of having sex is that you don't know the person until you've had sex with them, generally, and then they try to get to know you if they like how you've 'mated them,'   but I digress - names aren't important unless the person who's name you've been given wants to feel special.  I remember faces, not names, so maybe I don't feel any one fuck buddy is special in any way..

Brings to mind - 'where's the love in a lapdance.... ' by Panic! at the disco..
« Last Edit: April 14, 2012, 09:01:34 PM by jeremy0 »
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Offline Traveler

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #5 on: April 14, 2012, 09:23:44 PM »
I guess I'm an old fashioned gal. If a radical feminist can be considered old fashioned. ;) I've been in love twice. And that's exactly how many partners I've had. Ever. I've never understood the appeal of loveless sex. Maybe I'm just odd, but at least I'll never be in the situation described, and not just because I'm in my 50s.  &)
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Offline jynnan tonnix

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #6 on: April 14, 2012, 10:49:11 PM »
I guess I'm an old fashioned gal. If a radical feminist can be considered old fashioned. ;) I've been in love twice. And that's exactly how many partners I've had. Ever. I've never understood the appeal of loveless sex. Maybe I'm just odd, but at least I'll never be in the situation described, and not just because I'm in my 50s.  &)

I sort of go back and forth here. Not that I necessarily believe in loveless sex, but I do believe that for many people (well, mostly women, I suppose, being one of them and more able to identify) there really is something about sex which binds you to the other person even if you don't mean it to.

I'm actually one partner behind you. Lost my virginity at age 25 to the man who would become (and remains) my husband. Twenty seven years later. But as much as it has worked out in the long run, he's the sort of man whose brilliance and focus make him approach fun as a waste of time, and who cannot fathom the inability of anyone to keep up with him intellectually as "not paying attention".  In short, not an easy man to live with...and while I do love and appreciate many things about him, I also spent countless nights crying into my pillow during more of my marriage than I care to think about...distraught over being stuck with someone who simply did not seem capable of lightheartedness or whimsy or any sort of silliness, and managed to make me feel second-rate 90% of the time.

Now, in retrospect, I have come to appreciate a whole lot of what he has provided, but I still wonder how much "happier" my life would have been had I had some meaningless sex with someone else who passed right back out of my life prior to meeting him, and whether that experience might have made it easier for me to break up with him (which I tried to do) before our relationship got to the point that I felt  though I couldn't extricate myself from it. I don't know...maybe the life I have actually IS the epitome of all possible outcomes for me. But had I had previous experiences with other guys, maybe I'd have recognized a good thing when I saw it and not wasted all those years pining for what I might have missed...

Point being that I often feel as though having sown some wild oats (or whatever the feminine equivalent is) might have either enabled me to see a sexual experience as trivial enough not to develop a feeling of commitment to the wrong person, or to appreciate all the merits of the right person (after having experienced intimacy which turned out to be meaningless in retrospect) even though they might not fit the fairytale stereotype.

Does that make any sort of sense?
« Last Edit: April 14, 2012, 10:53:42 PM by jynnan tonnix »

Offline lotanddaughters

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2012, 11:10:10 PM »
I sort of go back and forth here.<snip>

You really opened up to us with that incredibly honest post. :)

I'll see you at the Megadeth/Motorhead concert(3rd stall from the eastern wall)! :laugh:
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Offline Ice Monkey

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #8 on: April 15, 2012, 01:03:24 AM »
I guess I'm an old fashioned gal. If a radical feminist can be considered old fashioned. ;) I've been in love twice. And that's exactly how many partners I've had. Ever. I've never understood the appeal of loveless sex. Maybe I'm just odd, but at least I'll never be in the situation described, and not just because I'm in my 50s.  &)
After you get into triple digits, you learn to just call everybody "honey".
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Offline albeto

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #9 on: April 15, 2012, 01:23:57 AM »
I think that's pretty noble of her.

Offline Chronos

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #10 on: April 15, 2012, 07:42:27 AM »
I sort of go back and forth here. Not that I necessarily believe in loveless sex, but I do believe that for many people (well, mostly women, I suppose, being one of them and more able to identify) there really is something about sex which binds you to the other person even if you don't mean it to.

Since women carry the burden of bearing the product of sex, perhaps there is an inherent interest in creating a bond for having the man help with the final product. Though, I have noticed that such an inherent interest often steers women in the wrong direction, making more out of a particular man than what he really is. More often, men have sex, women make love. I have struggled to get this point across to my daughter, but now she is dating a girl and the dynamics of that fall into unknown territory for me.

In short, not an easy man to live with...and while I do love and appreciate many things about him, I also spent countless nights crying into my pillow during more of my marriage than I care to think about...distraught over being stuck with someone who simply did not seem capable of lightheartedness or whimsy or any sort of silliness, and managed to make me feel second-rate 90% of the time.

I could be wrong about this since I have never been in the military, but I have been around many military members (and former members) and my observations are that they often have spontaneity programmed out of them. I have witnessed a mindset that says there is a purpose for everything and everything has its purpose[1], which excludes spontaneity as spontaneity doesn't have any (obvious) purpose. Even weekend escapades between military members are for bonding or team-building experiences rather than just flat out fun. It seems to take a few years of being out of the military to get rid of the programming.

To give you an example, I once worked with a man who, after high school, had gone to college for two years, then went into the Marines for 4 years, came back out to complete the last 2 years of college, then came to work in the same office I did. After two years of being out of the Marines (or not, he was still doing reserves, I think) he was polite, formal, to the point ... and a little clueless how the working world works (or doesn't). He managed a group of 8 employees and he complained that when he told one of them to do something he would find that half the time whatever he had asked for was not done. This annoyed him to no end. He commented that when he was in Marines he gave an order and it was completed (by god!) yet where we worked he had to learn that ... shit happens ... people aren't always focused, other problems or requests can intercede and people don't work necessarily by rank but by order of problems. I didn't talk with him a lot, but he seemed to take about 3 years before he was capable of routine small talk. He was slowly being reprogrammed to behave like most other people.

While I don't think all military members are completely like this, as I see this behavior to varying degrees, I wonder if those who are likely to be more rigid are attracted to the service because it fits their personality. Or, does the military find this trait and maximize the effect?

Nevertheless, you should never be made to feel second-rate. Is retirement approaching?


Point being that I often feel as though having sown some wild oats (or whatever the feminine equivalent is) might have either enabled me to see a sexual experience as trivial enough not to develop a feeling of commitment to the wrong person, or to appreciate all the merits of the right person (after having experienced intimacy which turned out to be meaningless in retrospect) even though they might not fit the fairytale stereotype.

I think we all settle for something, which is to say that since we can never find our ideal person we have to assign priorities and make trade-offs. You recognize this -- it would would have happened regardless of the alternate history you might have had. I don't think sewing wild oats would have resulted in a better mate because I have known many who have sewn those wild oats and still ended up with the wrong mate -- but having sewn wild oats would have eliminated one aspect of the decision-making process. Other aspects may still equally cloud a proper choice.


Does that make any sort of sense?

Sure it does. Ultimately, I think our choices in life-long mates (spouses) is done due to a combination of pragmatism and societal pressure.
 1. This might be why religion fits in so neatly with the military
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Offline Traveler

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #11 on: April 15, 2012, 09:32:13 AM »
...Point being that I often feel as though having sown some wild oats (or whatever the feminine equivalent is) ...

I do understand. Very much so. And although I don't think I'm programmed for loveless sex, I felt very much like you did in my marriage once it started to go south. I wished I had at least SOME other experience under my belt, if only to help me understand that my husband wasn't my only chance. I left my husband for a variety of reasons, and it wasn't necessarily easy. Toward the end, sex was loveless with him. I hated it. I was just going through the motions. Of course that's different than sex for fun, but I love the emotional connection when its working, and they feed on each other, the love and the physical intimacy. I don't think I could be that intimate with someone I didn't know and care for. I did fall in love again with a funny, lovely man. He made me laugh. Sex with him was lighthearted fun. He was very, very good for me, and although that relationship didn't last more than a few years, he gives me hope that I can find that feeling again.

When you refer to meaningless in hindsight, that I can understand. But I know myself well enough to know that a bar hook up, a one-night stand with a stranger ... that simply doesn't interest me in the slightest. In fact, it kind of creeps me out.

If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.

Offline jynnan tonnix

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #12 on: April 15, 2012, 12:31:54 PM »
I do understand. Very much so. And although I don't think I'm programmed for loveless sex, I felt very much like you did in my marriage once it started to go south. I wished I had at least SOME other experience under my belt, if only to help me understand that my husband wasn't my only chance. I left my husband for a variety of reasons, and it wasn't necessarily easy. Toward the end, sex was loveless with him. I hated it. I was just going through the motions. Of course that's different than sex for fun, but I love the emotional connection when its working, and they feed on each other, the love and the physical intimacy. I don't think I could be that intimate with someone I didn't know and care for. I did fall in love again with a funny, lovely man. He made me laugh. Sex with him was lighthearted fun. He was very, very good for me, and although that relationship didn't last more than a few years, he gives me hope that I can find that feeling again.

When you refer to meaningless in hindsight, that I can understand. But I know myself well enough to know that a bar hook up, a one-night stand with a stranger ... that simply doesn't interest me in the slightest. In fact, it kind of creeps me out.

Just wanted to add that even though I don't feel I have one of those "best friends and lovers" marriages, it is in no way going south. In many ways it's better than it ever was, though there's virtually no sex going on any more. I had a hysterectomy some 4 years ago, and since my husband is aware that my sex drive went into a complete decline afterwards, he feels like a heel for initiating it (even though I always tell him he is more than welcome to...it just takes me longer to warm up). And I very rarely initiate it because I'm simply not all that interested, especially when he gives no indication that HE is interested. So it's kind of a vicious circle.

But all that aside, we do make a good team, being so completely opposite in talents and temperaments. He's a total type A, engineer, major commander type who loves math and history, thrives on stress and decision making, and I'm more of an artsy, bookish, slightly bohemian and very insecure type who just wants peace & quiet and gets overwhelmed by anything approaching the concept of narrowing down potential choices.  Meyers-Briggs ESTJ vs INFP....Somehow, it has worked out for going on 28 years. He is also intensely loyal, generous, and has both a work ethic and streak of integrity miles wide, so I'm very lucky to have him in spite of his faults. It's not as though I am always the easiest person to live with either.

To Chronos--I don't think it was the military that made him the way he is, though his personality has certainly been a good fit. He grew up as the oldest of 7 kids in a poor family, and joined the Navy after attempting to put himself through college and finding he could not swing it financially. Ironically, he could have had a full scholarship to Yale, but turned it down due to what was, in retrospect, an unreasonable fear of the riots on the large campuses of the time.

If I feel second-rate around him, it is probably more a function of my own personality than anything he does on purpose...he's just intimidating. People tell him that frequently, and he is always totally perplexed by the notion, since he claims that intimidating anyone is the furthest thing from his mind.

And, yes...retirement is coming up fairly soon. He has 35 years in now (worked his way up through the ranks, so 8 years as enlisted before getting commissioned), and we will be going to our final command in December, so two years after that. But we plan to retire there, so the house-hunting this time is for a home we plan on staying in for the forseeable future! What a concept!

Offline Timtheskeptic

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #13 on: April 15, 2012, 12:49:47 PM »
Do you bother to get the name of the person you fuck? It does seem unnecessary, doesn't it? What's in name anyway?


Did we hook up at the Megadeth/Motorhead concert? - w4m

... I hadn't.... Ever....  :'( nobody loves me. I think i'll go eat worms and die.
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Offline One Above All

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #14 on: April 15, 2012, 12:57:21 PM »
... I hadn't.... Ever....  :'( nobody loves me. I think i'll go eat worms and die.

Sex isn't love. However, I can probably fix that[1] for you. :P
 1. Lack of love.
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Offline Timtheskeptic

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #15 on: April 15, 2012, 01:24:03 PM »
... I hadn't.... Ever....  :'( nobody loves me. I think i'll go eat worms and die.

Sex isn't love. However, I can probably fix that[1] for you. :P
 1. Lack of love.
:? :-\ :-[ &) :o :laugh: :D ;D 8) :angel:
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Offline kaziglu bey

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #16 on: April 15, 2012, 06:15:05 PM »
Now this is a loaded topic for me. Hopefully I won't sound too pathetic in doing this.

I was raised Catholic. Therefore, it was obviously taught to me that sex for any other reason than procreation is sinful, evil, and dirty. Having been taught this, my adolescent years were not nearly as much fun as they could have been. I missed out on some really great opportunities, because I was afraid that I would be subject to eternal punishment if I had sex.

Well, eventually the blindness of Catholicism wore away, and I realized that God wasn't real. Needless to say, I felt like I should enjoy my new found freedom. The problem is, having felt prohibited from doing so, I did not have an opportunity to learn much about sexual relationships.

In spite of that, I have only had sex with 4 people, and could name them all (but I won't). Person 1 was entirely crazy. Like, coming over one night to visit, and there is stuff written on the wall in her blood kind of crazy. So yeah, that relationship didn't last long. It was pretty difficult to deal with.

Person 2 was a friend, and we were in college and fucked up. Nothing really bad came of this, it was just kind of awkward.

Person 3, my ex wife. Holy crazy town! After years of all manner of abuse, it's safe to say that nightmare is over.

Person 4, was the only person I've dated since being divorced 3 years ago. It was really awkward and uncomfortable for me, not because of anything wrong, but because of all of the baggage from person 3. Sometimes the more cunning, subtle, and cruel abuse is that which leaves no physical marks.

So, as of right now, no one. Sex is certainly great, but it's become something that's hard to enjoy, especially when you have learned that feelings of fear, stress, and worthlessness are commonplace.
Seriously though... What would happen if the Great Green Arkleseizure didn't fram up the rammastam before the hermite curve achieved maximum nurdfurdle velocity? Now THAT would be something. AmIrite?

Offline Timtheskeptic

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #17 on: April 15, 2012, 06:22:49 PM »
Now this is a loaded topic for me. Hopefully I won't sound too pathetic in doing this.

I was raised Catholic. Therefore, it was obviously taught to me that sex for any other reason than procreation is sinful, evil, and dirty. Having been taught this, my adolescent years were not nearly as much fun as they could have been. I missed out on some really great opportunities, because I was afraid that I would be subject to eternal punishment if I had sex.

Well, eventually the blindness of Catholicism wore away, and I realized that God wasn't real. Needless to say, I felt like I should enjoy my new found freedom. The problem is, having felt prohibited from doing so, I did not have an opportunity to learn much about sexual relationships.

In spite of that, I have only had sex with 4 people, and could name them all (but I won't). Person 1 was entirely crazy. Like, coming over one night to visit, and there is stuff written on the wall in her blood kind of crazy. So yeah, that relationship didn't last long. It was pretty difficult to deal with.


That sounded like something you'll see in a scary movie.


Quote
Person 2 was a friend, and we were in college and fucked up. Nothing really bad came of this, it was just kind of awkward.

Person 3, my ex wife. Holy crazy town! After years of all manner of abuse, it's safe to say that nightmare is over.

Person 4, was the only person I've dated since being divorced 3 years ago. It was really awkward and uncomfortable for me, not because of anything wrong, but because of all of the baggage from person 3. Sometimes the more cunning, subtle, and cruel abuse is that which leaves no physical marks.

So, as of right now, no one. Sex is certainly great, but it's become something that's hard to enjoy, especially when you have learned that feelings of fear, stress, and worthlessness are commonplace.

so sad. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
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I love to read books, just not your Bible. i support gay rights and women's rights. Why? Because i'm tired of the hate, stupidity, and your desire to control us all and make up lies.

Offline Traveler

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #18 on: April 15, 2012, 06:27:03 PM »
Now this is a loaded topic for me. Hopefully I won't sound too pathetic in doing this....

I'm so very sorry for all you've been through. Your story highlights one of my biggest complaints about christianity. Teaching people that natural activities are shameful is SO abusive. I think most of us are scarred by it in some way, because our society is so steeped in these destructive attitudes. I hope that someday you (and everyone harmed by a still-somewhat-puritanical society)  find the healing that you so deserve.

Gentle platonic hugs to everyone ...
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Offline kaziglu bey

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #19 on: April 15, 2012, 07:20:19 PM »
That sounded like something you'll see in a scary movie.
It was truly horrifying. In addition, there was blood splattered all over the walls, windows, doors, on the floor, and on a tarp in the living room(it was being painted) a pool of blood that had to be at least a liter. I didn't realize that one person could lose that much blood and live. There was so much blood you could smell it. Shame on me though, for not learning the important lesson of DON'T DATE CRAZY PEOPLE!!!
Seriously though... What would happen if the Great Green Arkleseizure didn't fram up the rammastam before the hermite curve achieved maximum nurdfurdle velocity? Now THAT would be something. AmIrite?

Offline kaziglu bey

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #20 on: April 15, 2012, 07:25:11 PM »
I'm so very sorry for all you've been through. Your story highlights one of my biggest complaints about christianity. Teaching people that natural activities are shameful is SO abusive. I think most of us are scarred by it in some way, because our society is so steeped in these destructive attitudes. I hope that someday you (and everyone harmed by a still-somewhat-puritanical society)  find the healing that you so deserve.

Gentle platonic hugs to everyone ...
I totally agree. The amount of psychological damage that being raised a religious person can inflict is enormous. What's even worse, is that a lot of people consider teaching their kids this crap a normal and desirable thing to do. Then they wonder why their teenage kids have issues. They wonder why their kids have social problems. They wonder why their kids are depressed. They wonder why their children have such a difficult time behaving in normal ways. They wonder why their children want to solve their problems with violence. All of this, in spite of the fact that the parents were nurturing these traits all along through the insidious disease known as religion.

Seriously though... What would happen if the Great Green Arkleseizure didn't fram up the rammastam before the hermite curve achieved maximum nurdfurdle velocity? Now THAT would be something. AmIrite?

Offline Samothec

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #21 on: April 18, 2012, 08:09:32 PM »
I do now.

Congratulations.  ;D


EDIT: Wow, I did not expect the way the thread went. My condolenesces to Kaziglu, Jynnan and Traveler for what each of you had to go through. Kaziglu, I doubt a more pathetic story would actually help you so I'll refrain. Your account wasn't pathetic as much as filled with tragic and terrifying elements. I want to say more but I'll stop here since I seem to mess things up when I try to reach out to people. Hopefully I have not messed up in this short note but if I have, I'm sorry.
« Last Edit: April 18, 2012, 08:41:05 PM by Samothec »
Faith must trample under foot all reason, sense, and understanding. - Martin Luther

Offline jeremy0

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #22 on: April 18, 2012, 09:49:17 PM »
^^ agrees with the point of being raised catholic caused me issues in life.  Now that I'm out of it, I no longer need to 'confess' when I get turned on by a woman or have a session with my porn tube or local stripper..  Until realization set in that it was completely natural for me to do these things just like everyone else does, it wasn't so 'condemning'...  what a waste of my youth.
"If you find yourself reaching for the light, first realize that it has already touched your finger."
"If I were your god, I would have no reason for judgement, and you have all told endless lies about me.  Wait - you do already. I am not amused by your ignorance, thoughtlessness, and shallow mind."

Offline Dante

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Re: Do you know who you fuck?
« Reply #23 on: April 18, 2012, 11:06:38 PM »
@OP, without reading the replies.

Sometimes.

Usually yes, but sometimes no. The yes is almost always better than the no, but both have their place.

The yes has a comfort level that is nearly impossible to replicate, whether or not  there's possibilities on the horizon.

The no has the sense of adventure, of wonderment, that is also difficult to capture. Awkward at times, yet that can add to the fun. And the thrill of the chase is second to none!

That being said, I prefer knowing the girl, even if its temporary, or if its "just a friend".

Actually it doesn't. One could conceivably be all-powerful but not exceptionally intelligent.