Author Topic: Caregivers are the true saviors  (Read 267 times)

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Offline Ice Monkey

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Caregivers are the true saviors
« on: April 05, 2012, 08:35:33 PM »
continuing from another thread...

I've taken care of a lot of people over the past few decades.  But the ones I was always most concerned about, and for good reason, were those caregivers who sacraficed everything to keep their loved ones from going into a hospital or nursing home as long as possible.  It wasn't concern over how they would react immediately to the death of their loved one.  It was the sudden lack of purpose in their life they will experience over the following months that can be more damaging to them than anything else they've experienced up to that point. 

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion." -- Charlie Chaplin

Offline MonicaLynn

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2012, 08:55:51 PM »
I'm here. Gotta put a baby to slep. Brb
Only here to befriend and exchange ideas. I do believe in God, but i don't think you're going to hell.

Offline MonicaLynn

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2012, 09:03:38 PM »
Here. Glad for a new strand btw. I really jumped head first into a shark tank didn't I? Lol.

Yeah. My mom has always found someone to take care of. She's pretty codependent. I thinkill be visiting a lot, and my younger Sis lives in he neighborhood literally right up the street.
« Last Edit: April 05, 2012, 09:05:54 PM by MonicaLynn »
Only here to befriend and exchange ideas. I do believe in God, but i don't think you're going to hell.

Offline wright

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2012, 09:28:55 PM »
Welcome to the forum, Monica. Yeah, you did pick a fairly aggressive pack of atheists to argue with. And theists are a decided minority here. Even when we atheist regulars are more or less restrained, the sheer barrage of responses can be intimidating.

FWIW, my sympathy for your family.

It was the sudden lack of purpose in their life they will experience over the following months that can be more damaging to them than anything else they've experienced up to that point. 

My mother went through something similar when my stepfather died after a long bout with lymphoma. It wasn't as prolonged as it might have been, as he was adamant about staying out of the hospital even if it might have bought him several more months of life.

Fortunately my mom had and still has a very good support network of friends. They (and my sister and I) were there for her, and she wasn't ashamed to lean on us when she needed to.
Live a good life... If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I am not afraid.
--Marcus Aurelius

Offline MonicaLynn

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2012, 09:38:14 PM »
I wish she did have a network. She isn't very social. She is in AA, so I have made some time ( even with 5 kids :) to stay with my grandma so she could go to a meeting, but that's all I can think of. I was her shoulder growing up and did so too quickly, so I am careful to care for myself first. I just wish I knew what else I could do for her. She's such a great lady.
Only here to befriend and exchange ideas. I do believe in God, but i don't think you're going to hell.

Offline Ice Monkey

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2012, 09:41:14 PM »
I'm here. Gotta put a baby to slep. Brb

Ya, me to.
Heh.  8)
Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion." -- Charlie Chaplin

Offline jtp56

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #6 on: April 05, 2012, 09:47:04 PM »
And you all think believers don't have this going on in their lives?  Loved ones suffering and dieing?  What makes you so unique and special?
Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

Offline Alzael

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #7 on: April 05, 2012, 09:52:25 PM »
And you all think believers don't have this going on in their lives?  Loved ones suffering and dieing?  What makes you so unique and special?

This makes absolutely no sense in the context of the thread. Why talk if you're not going to even pretend to have something intelligent to say?
"I drank what?!"- Socrates

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Offline MonicaLynn

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #8 on: April 05, 2012, 10:02:46 PM »
Yes, I must say, I agree. This strand is a break away so that ice monkey, myself, and whoever else is in this circumstance could connect. This is more of a support forum, not a debate. I think someone is lost  :-\
Only here to befriend and exchange ideas. I do believe in God, but i don't think you're going to hell.

Offline Alzael

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #9 on: April 05, 2012, 10:06:50 PM »
Yes, I must say, I agree. This strand is a break away so that ice monkey, myself, and whoever else is in this circumstance could connect. This is more of a support forum, not a debate. I think someone is lost  :-\

I believe he thinks you're an atheist. jtp56 is a christian troll who likes to spam the forum with stupid comments, wildly ignorant accusations, claims and moronic rants. His comment was designed to incite something. He's attempting to paint what's happening in the guise of some idiotic Strawman that only makes sense in his head.
"I drank what?!"- Socrates

"Dying for something when you know you'll be resurrected is not a sacrifice.It's a parlour trick."- an aquaintance

Philip of Macedon: (via messenger) If we enter Sparta, we will raze all your buildings and ravage all your women.
Spartan Reply: If.

Offline MonicaLynn

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #10 on: April 05, 2012, 10:09:49 PM »
You guys should just kick people out that act like that. Just my opinion.

I think I'll call my mom and sing to her tomorrow. She'd like that. She asked me to sing to my grandma before she passed. It was tough because she was sleeping and ready to go.
Only here to befriend and exchange ideas. I do believe in God, but i don't think you're going to hell.

Offline Ice Monkey

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #11 on: April 05, 2012, 10:16:11 PM »
Here. Glad for a new strand btw. I really jumped head first into a shark tank didn't I? Lol.


You sure did.  And I don't blame them (mostly).  Let's say I understand why.  I'll put it that way.  I'm thinking your social interaction on the internet, for the most part, is of a Facebook nature.  And that's cool.  But, with any group, there are some folks that will come to the enemy camp (a board like this with a distinctly contradictory view on things, and sacrifice themselves, detonating a thread or two, then they're gone.  It's common.  It's annoying, but it beats blowing things up in real life.  But you see why people are guarded about what is, for some, an extension of their home.

Also irritating is that fact that most atheists are atheists because they've actually given the god question some thought.  Not praying about it, or meditating upon it, or by going looking for evidence to support a comfortable, familiar, secure position already held.  They do it in a painfully honest way that, until you've done it, you wouldn't get.  This isn't arrogance, or a statement of much.  It just is what it is.  We've stopped compartmentalizing, and once those floodgates are opened, there's no putting that paste back in the tube.  It's no coincidence that atheists are less likely to believe in other things, such as alternative (quack) medicine or the Lunar Effect, or anything else that collapses under scrutiny.  The point I'm slowly getting to is that we know scripture better than the many Christians we speak with.  The playing field is often tipped in our favour, and while that sounds like an advantage to us, it's often just annoying as hell.  I'd love to discuss theology with friends and family members, but there's few that would be capable, and of those few, they're either already atheists, or the question is too touchy, and certainly not worth risking a relationship over.

Just had to get that off my chest.

Quote
Yeah. My mom has always found someone to take care of. She's pretty codependent. I thinkill be visiting a lot, and my younger Sis lives in he neighborhood literally right up the street.

Yep.  The weight's off, and it can be surprising how poorly caregivers can respond.  It's like they've been struggling for awhile against a door, and someone suddenly opened it.  It's not necessarily beneficial.  Keep a close eye. but not too close.  You want to ease the transition, not replace the burden.  Not to say you would be a burden in the way you think.  Not burden.  Target of her attention.  She needs to start giving some of the attention to herself again.  Gently, so she knows she's not alone.

It's only within the last few years that those of us working within the health field have started to integrate families into the Care Plan of a patient or resident.  I mean from beginning to end, and beyond.  It's getting better, but Jeez Louise, it's about friggin' time.
« Last Edit: April 05, 2012, 10:18:12 PM by Ice Monkey »
Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion." -- Charlie Chaplin

Offline Alzael

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #12 on: April 05, 2012, 10:27:49 PM »
You guys should just kick people out that act like that. Just my opinion.

Well sometimes they're amusing to play with. Also people like jtp56 do a lot to help make our point about religion. So we sometimes let the ones like him stick around unless they're too much of a handful.

jtp56 isn't really troublesome, just an idiot. And we tend not to ban just for that.

"I drank what?!"- Socrates

"Dying for something when you know you'll be resurrected is not a sacrifice.It's a parlour trick."- an aquaintance

Philip of Macedon: (via messenger) If we enter Sparta, we will raze all your buildings and ravage all your women.
Spartan Reply: If.

Offline Ice Monkey

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #13 on: April 05, 2012, 10:54:53 PM »
Hey!  3000 posts.  Grats. 
I think.
Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion." -- Charlie Chaplin

Offline Ice Monkey

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #14 on: April 05, 2012, 10:55:48 PM »
Hey!  My 100th post.
Do I get a key to executive bathroom now?
Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion." -- Charlie Chaplin

Offline Ice Monkey

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #15 on: April 05, 2012, 11:14:50 PM »
You guys should just kick people out that act like that. Just my opinion.

I think I'll call my mom and sing to her tomorrow. She'd like that. She asked me to sing to my grandma before she passed. It was tough because she was sleeping and ready to go.

Take heart.  She likely heard you, as hearing is apparently the last sense to fail as the person dies.  Nurses are taught to not do what they used to - walk into a room and ask the attending nurse if the patient is dead yet.  That's why.
Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion." -- Charlie Chaplin

Offline Ice Monkey

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #16 on: April 05, 2012, 11:22:56 PM »
I wish she did have a network. She isn't very social. She is in AA, so I have made some time ( even with 5 kids :) to stay with my grandma so she could go to a meeting, but that's all I can think of. I was her shoulder growing up and did so too quickly, so I am careful to care for myself first. I just wish I knew what else I could do for her. She's such a great lady.

For the most part, I'd suggest you keep an eye, and follow her lead.  You need to relax, too.

btw, I like the first sentence in your sig line.  Your second one... did you mean to use a big "g" in "God"?  Cuz if you did, you're contradicting yourself.  You can't have it both ways.  I suggest you change it before someone else calls you on it, or start a new thread asking my why I say you're trying to burn the Host and eat him too.  8) 
Just sayin... as a fatherly guy who doesn't like to see a lot of gore...
« Last Edit: April 05, 2012, 11:24:37 PM by Ice Monkey »
Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion." -- Charlie Chaplin

Offline MonicaLynn

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #17 on: April 06, 2012, 08:38:34 AM »
I don't mind being picked apart. It's fun for some, right alzael?  ;)

I know she heard me. She moved her upper lip and her eyebrow and my mom said that was the most she I'd all day. I wish she'd stop asking me to sing to people though. Lol.

My great grandma was in the hospital in WVA and my mom asked me to sing to her. Within a week, she died. It's like " amazing grace" and they're off.... Man.
Only here to befriend and exchange ideas. I do believe in God, but i don't think you're going to hell.

Offline Alzael

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Re: Caregivers are the true saviors
« Reply #18 on: April 06, 2012, 09:30:48 AM »
I don't mind being picked apart. It's fun for some, right alzael?  ;)


Sometimes yes. Debate is the purpose of the site. A person who doesn't want to have what they say picked apart, analyzed, and criticized most definitely picked the wrong place to post. It's amusing to argue and take ideas apart, we just tend to have a particular focus on religion here. Mostly because it's something that is a constant threat.

It's just that the theists that can actually hold a debate tend to be few and far between. We have gotten some smart ones that can hold their own, and it's greatly appreciated when they show up. But most of them are outright idiots. Largely because they've never actually given their beliefs any real thought. Those ones usually rant on about the special feelings they got when the holy hand touched them in their "god place", and pile on fallacy after fallacy. Avoiding issues and repeating the same stupid claims over and over again after they've been debunked countless times. It's very dull, very boring, and very repetitive.

For those ones there's really nothing you can do with them except mock and play with them. Otherwise they end up driving you to the point where you want to kill them.

I actually used to put every effort into being as polite and as nice as possible to all of the theists that came on here. Then I came to realize two things:

1) The effort of refraining from saying the things that I really wanted to say was starting to take it's toll. Imagine if everyday, day after day, you had a grown person telling you that they still believe in Santa Claus. Your first and honest response is to just say "Are you an idiot?" but you clamp that down and just try to rationally and politely prove to him that Santa isn't real. Then after all the proof he looks at you and says "If Santa isn't real then how do the presents get under the christmas tree?" And once again you want to slap your forehead and say "You are one whopping big moron." But again you don't and try to politely explain how what he is saying is completely nuts to anyone with a fully-functioning brain. To which he then sticks his fingers in his ears and screams "La,La,La can't hear you. I love Santa, Santa is great!" Then you want to start yelling curse words, but you refrain again because you're trying to be nice and polite about it.

Now picture this happening again the next day. Then the next, and the next after, and the next after that, and a hundred days after that. Sometimes with different people, often with the same people, but it always happens. Sounds absolutely infuriating right? Welcome to our world. On this site we go through that daily.

So after a few months of that I decided that I couldn't keep up pretending that the theist who was talking to me, telling me that if he were in Nazi Germany and was hiding a family of Jews he would give them up to the SS if asked (because his god told him that lying us a sin), wasn't an absolute fucking moron and a terrible person. It was far too stressful to the point where just talking to a religious person gave me homicidal urges. It's much less stressful and aggravating to just be direct and honest when a person is being an idiot.

2)Pretending to be respectful, isn't really respectful.

You see when you, or any other theist, tries to go on some talk about how you can feel god and how you know god is there even though you can't prove it with actual evidence, etc. I could smile and nod and say something like "well everyone has their own way of finding truth for themselves" or "you believe what you want to believe, that's fine". However that's not really being respectful, that's really just being condescending. That's the way I talk to my five year old little brother when he tries to tell me that gummi bears are made from real bears.

The people that come here, however, are grown adults. They deserve to be spoken to as such. When they say something that's wrong or stupid, they deserve to be told so directly. Not patted on the head and given a cookie as a platitude so that they don't have to hear some harsh words and can cling on to the same stupidity. They deserve to be told "You are wrong, and here's why." That's true respect.

"I drank what?!"- Socrates

"Dying for something when you know you'll be resurrected is not a sacrifice.It's a parlour trick."- an aquaintance

Philip of Macedon: (via messenger) If we enter Sparta, we will raze all your buildings and ravage all your women.
Spartan Reply: If.