Hey, I got home at noon today and there were 2 pamphlets rolled up in my front door handle. Yes, JWs struck and I was gone. Damn, I have waited so long to encounter some and the sneaky bastards got away. I'm going to have to set a better trap for next time.
I guess they wanted to know if I knew Jesus.
The chalk outline and the tattered Watchtower magazines I keep on my widewalk seems to have had an effect.
If you do answer the door to them, try one of these:
Open the door, looking rather frazzled. "Have I asked Jesus into my heart? Shit no, the place is a mess."
"Have I asked jesus into my heart? We'll get to that but quickly, I need to know... do you have anything that will get goat blood out of carpeting?"
"I have my own religion already. What is it? Um, it's not legal in most municipalities, so I'd rather not discuss it with someone I just met. You a cop?"
or, my old favorite (gotta do it with your eyes as widely open as you can make them)
"Hey! Hey! Does anyone know where you are right this minute? No? Get in here! I know stuff we can do to each other!"
But being rather lazy in my old age, if it's two males (works best with Mormons) I usually just turn to the inside of the house and shout "Honey, that... couple is here to discuss the flower arrangements!" Turning back to the couple, smile wryly and say "Well look at you two. You've already been at it thismorning. I can tell. I remember that look. Can't wait until the Big Day, eh?"