Author Topic: (2 x Angry Bears) + (42 x Children) = Fun had by all (except the children)  (Read 4637 times)

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Offline Eaten by Bears

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I've mentioned this is passing before (it's where I got my forum name from after all), but I've never heard a reasonable response from Christians (who often just ignore it).

This passage is pretty clear:

2 Kings 2
23
And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

 24
And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.


Kids make fun of man. Man calls on God with a curse. God sends wild bears to rip the children to shreds. I find it hard to 'interpret' this in any other way.

Can any Christians justify this at all?

Offline The Gawd

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The Lawd works in mysterious ways.





edit: i meant Lawd, not Lord
« Last Edit: March 29, 2012, 12:43:25 PM by The Gawd »

Online One Above All

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It was a different time.
It's not literal.
You took it out of context.
*Insert cognitive dissonance here*
*Insert The Gawd's answer here*

Pick (at least) one.
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Offline pianodwarf

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It was a different time.
It's not literal.
You took it out of context.
*Insert cognitive dissonance here*
*Insert The Gawd's answer here*

Pick (at least) one.

Anything God does is good by definition.
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Offline Traveler

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The lord works in mysterious ways.

Oops, never mind. Someone already said this.  :o
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Offline joebbowers

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Anything God does is good by definition.

That's exactly it.
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Offline screwtape

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according to this dingus, they weren't children.  And somehow he divines that they had sticks and rocks. http://deeperwaters.wordpress.com/2012/03/10/reason-rally-outrage/#comment-6167

I kick his ass though.
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Offline Eaten by Bears

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according to this dingus, they weren't children.  And somehow he divines that they had sticks and rocks. http://deeperwaters.wordpress.com/2012/03/10/reason-rally-outrage/#comment-6167

I kick his ass though.

Wow, his excuses are beyond pathetic.

Offline Azdgari

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That's the same excuse I've seen on the topic before:  That he was being accosted by a dangerous group of teenaged hooligans.  As long as you have the Holy Spirit to help you learn the parts of the Bible that aren't written down, why not?
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Offline Eaten by Bears

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That's the same excuse I've seen on the topic before:  That he was being accosted by a dangerous group of teenaged hooligans.  As long as you have the Holy Spirit to help you learn the parts of the Bible that aren't written down, why not?

Even if that were true it doesn't excuse the setting of angry bears on them, when all God has to do is snap a finger and shoot up a wall of fire between Elisha and the mob. Or teleport him a mile away. Or make them all fall asleep on the spot.

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So one day some bald guy gets teased and it pisses him off and he's writing some religious stuff down anyway so he tosses in a cute little story that happens to include 42 kids, the exact number in his little village, and after he's done he feels better and decides to keep it in because who  knows, maybe god told him to write it.

From what I know of bears, all they would be interested in is the slowest kid. The rest would get away.

But that's real life. Forgot. We're not talking about that.

Given that this god guys knows all and sees all, etc., you would think he would have tossed "Thou shalt not tease bald guys" into the commandments, and if wanted to keep it down to just 10 he could have removed the lusting after the neighbors wife thingy. Because yea, right, guys are going to pay attention to that when they live next to Hugh Hefner.

Any way you look at it though, not a whole lot of love going on there with this god fella. You sure it's the same guy?  :D

Oh, and the christian theory that they were teenaged hooligans? Back in those days there weren't teenagers. You were a child or an adult. There was no in between. And by 13 or 14, that was it. You were grown. You had things to do. And probably a family. It is only in recent times that children have been allowed that luxury.

And you were not called a child any more either. Sounds like a bunch of dead seven and eight and nine year olds to me.



Not everyone is entitled to their own opinion. They're all entitled to mine though.

Offline The Gawd

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That's the same excuse I've seen on the topic before:  That he was being accosted by a dangerous group of teenaged hooligans.  As long as you have the Holy Spirit to help you learn the parts of the Bible that aren't written down, why not?

Even if that were true it doesn't excuse the setting of angry bears on them, when all God has to do is snap a finger and shoot up a wall of fire between Elisha and the mob. Or teleport him a mile away. Or make them all fall asleep on the spot.
Come on man, the bears story is much cooler...

Offline Eaten by Bears

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That's the same excuse I've seen on the topic before:  That he was being accosted by a dangerous group of teenaged hooligans.  As long as you have the Holy Spirit to help you learn the parts of the Bible that aren't written down, why not?

Even if that were true it doesn't excuse the setting of angry bears on them, when all God has to do is snap a finger and shoot up a wall of fire between Elisha and the mob. Or teleport him a mile away. Or make them all fall asleep on the spot.
Come on man, the bears story is much cooler...

He could have at least made them dragons.

Or pirates. Pirates are cool.

Offline atheola

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I think the answer is more than obvious... God's bald and doesn't fucking like bald jokes.  >:(

A bald guy walks into a bar ....AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!  :blank:
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Offline Historicity

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I went to a parochial school.  I was taught properly.

I don't know what you heathens find so funny.  I had a teacher who was adamant that mocking children should be torn up.  He frightened me again and again. 

He was bald.

Offline caveat_imperator

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I think the answer is more than obvious... God's bald and doesn't fucking like bald jokes.  >:(

Who would've thought yahweh would be so sensitive about deity-pattern baldness. :(

2 Kings 2
23
And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

 24
And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.


Kids make fun of man. Man calls on God with a curse. God sends wild bears to rip the children to shreds. I find it hard to 'interpret' this in any other way.

I wonder if cursing in god's name from a non-christian would work? There are so many people I would like to try this on. :laugh:
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Who would've thought yahweh would be so sensitive about deity-pattern baldness. :(


He just had to make me in his image then, didn't he.

He gave pattern baldness to my dad and grandfather too. The bastard.
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Offline atheola

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My legs, chest, arms and portions of my mug are for all intents and purposes bald, but the top of my beany rack still had plenty of hair. :laugh:
Please don't make me explain beany rack. :P
« Last Edit: March 29, 2012, 09:52:02 PM by atheola »
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Offline afroteli

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That's the same excuse I've seen on the topic before:  That he was being accosted by a dangerous group of teenaged hooligans.  As long as you have the Holy Spirit to help you learn the parts of the Bible that aren't written down, why not?

Even if that were true it doesn't excuse the setting of angry bears on them, when all God has to do is snap a finger and shoot up a wall of fire between Elisha and the mob. Or teleport him a mile away. Or make them all fall asleep on the spot.
Elisha was the prophet of God's Wrath so technically this was the righteous anger of God, all people sin so no one is pardoned by themselves. those kids being against God and His priest, they faced the same punishment everyone else will when against Him, they just got it sooner in my opinion

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Elisha was the prophet of God's Wrath so technically this was the righteous anger of God, all people sin so no one is pardoned by themselves. those kids being against God and His priest, they faced the same punishment everyone else will when against Him, they just got it sooner in my opinion

He's had half a century to zap my atheist butt. Hey god, I'm laughing at Elisha, zap me! Come on, you can do it. You're almighty. Zap me hard. Make it hurt. I just laughed at your prophet. Do me in. I live in the woods. Plenty of bears around. Skunks too. Ha ha, look at the silly man. He's bald.

Drats. It never works for me. wonder why that is?


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Offline sun_king

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Maybe you are too old PP and you need 41 more very young friends.

God was indeed protective of his prophet, but he didnt bother about those who teased Jesus on the way to the crucifixion. So much for the only son.

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Maybe you are too old PP and you need 41 more very young friends.

God was indeed protective of his prophet, but he didnt bother about those who teased Jesus on the way to the crucifixion. So much for the only son.

Man, did I just get scrached up bad!  ;D

If this god guy is the just god that christians claim, he has to be consistent. If a bunch of kids are gonna get zapped for teasing, everyone who teases should get zapped.

If he can't do it right, he should turn the universe over to me. I'm more pleasant in general and far more concerned with the well being of human beings that he ever was. He could go make a new universe and try again to make perfect beings who are so boring they don't care about the tree of life trap. He would have another chance to get it right and I'd have a chance to fix the stuff he has mucked up.

Probably doesn't pay much, but that's the story of my life.
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Offline atheola

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I'll vote for you in the upcoming god elections PP...are you on the ballot?
Oh wait..you might zap me for that sheep joke.  :o
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Offline gonegolfing

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Quote
Elisha was the prophet of God's Wrath so technically this was the righteous anger of God, all people sin so no one is pardoned by themselves. those kids being against God and His priest, they faced the same punishment everyone else will when against Him, they just got it sooner in my opinion

I'm sure you already have after rereading the above, but if not, smack yourself in the forehead for saying such a thing.

 ;)
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Offline screwtape

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Elisha was the prophet of God's Wrath so technically this was the righteous anger of God, all people sin so no one is pardoned by themselves. those kids being against God and His priest, they faced the same punishment everyone else will when against Him, they just got it sooner in my opinion

So, you are saying you are fine with a god who considers feeding 42 children to bears for calling a prophet "baldy" to be justice? 

This is the problem with religion.  It makes people think atrocities are moral.
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Offline joebbowers

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Elisha was the prophet of God's Wrath so technically this was the righteous anger of God, all people sin so no one is pardoned by themselves. those kids being against God and His priest, they faced the same punishment everyone else will when against Him, they just got it sooner in my opinion

First, Afroteli, welcome to the forum!

Second, we use this story to show that God is not good or just, and that Christians are crazy. The fact that you are siding with God on this one doesn't refute that position, it confirms it.
"Do you see a problem with insisting that the normal ways in which you determine fact from fiction is something you have to turn off in order to maintain the belief in God?" - JeffPT

Offline The Gawd

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<snipped>
Probably doesn't pay much, but that's the story of my life.
Are you sure 'bout that?
yahweh is the GREATEST hustle known to man. You will be well compensated on any payscale. Even those with nothing will give you everything.

Offline Hatter23

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Elisha was the prophet of God's Wrath so technically this was the righteous anger of God, all people sin so no one is pardoned by themselves. those kids being against God and His priest, they faced the same punishment everyone else will when against Him, they just got it sooner in my opinion

So in essence you agree that since God is powerful, it is a good thing for children who insult him, or one of his agents, they should be violently dismembered.

So, since Stalin was powerful, it would be a good thing for him to have his secret police dismember children that throw eggs at a statue of him.

« Last Edit: March 30, 2012, 08:58:22 AM by Hatter23 »
An Omnipowerful God needed to sacrifice himself to himself (but only for a long weekend) in order to avert his own wrath against his own creations who he made in a manner knowing that they weren't going to live up to his standards.

And you should feel guilty for this. Give me money.

Offline kaziglu bey

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Elisha was the prophet of God's Wrath so technically this was the righteous anger of God, all people sin so no one is pardoned by themselves. those kids being against God and His priest, they faced the same punishment everyone else will when against Him, they just got it sooner in my opinion

That's really a pretty awful thing to say. Tell me, what would you have to do to deserve your punishment? Would you apply this principle equally to your own children? Would you praise the Lord that your children were ripped apart by bears for teasing a representative of God? If you would, you are a psychopath. If you wouldn't, you are a hypocrite.

Note that this idea of immediate punishment by violence and death[1] was not at all what Jesus taught. He taught that you could be forgiven for your sins (the Catholic Church I was raised in confirmed that even Adolf Hitler could go to heaven if he requested forgiveness for his sins prior to death) by virtue of a human sacrifice. You will only be punished if you refuse to acknowledge this "sacrifice". Then your punishment is eternal. Jesus' "sacrifice" served to condemn people to hell, not save them from it.

Some justice system. It's not based on morality or responsibility at all, and creates a cult of death worship, human sacrifice and ritual cannibalism. The fact that I have to accept, worship, and praise a great evil, in the form of the framing, torture, and murder of an allegedly innocent man in order to be forgiven for much lesser evils is not something I would consider the framework of a solid moral or justice system.

You seriously don't have a problem with any of this???
 1. In other words, punishment in and forfeiture of THIS life, the mortal one
Seriously though... What would happen if the Great Green Arkleseizure didn't fram up the rammastam before the hermite curve achieved maximum nurdfurdle velocity? Now THAT would be something. AmIrite?