Jaimehlers, my definition of being nice is as follows :
Listening without judgement
Does this include sitting by passively while someone argue their point, using as a basis for their argument something that has no merit, no factual basis, no intersection with reality? When someone comes here and says they believe in god, I most certainly am going to judge them as religious, even though they have not yet gone to the trouble of defining their custom version of the concept. If someone comes here and starts using big words but clearly has no idea what they are talking about, I am going to judge them.
I am more than happy to listen to someone I disagree with so long as they are making a concerted effort to make sense of their POV and answering questions to the best of their ability. And though different members here have different levels of tolerance for various forms of religious foolishness (and don't ask us to unjudge the folly of religion), so different folks get different strokes, so to speak, as atheists here reach their limits at different times. Sadly, the first some, first serve nature of a forum means that sometimes I'm still in the mood to be civil but others have already gone off one some poor sap who keeps insisting jc loves us or that we're going to hell or that faith is obvious. Other times I imagine I go off first on folks when I am the first to have a chance to respond to some inane claim or ignored detail. I happen to wish that some of the atheists here could remain a little calmer for a little longer, but I have no justification or definable reason for asking such a thing, and hence I guess I don't bother. I do think that attacking a person for their beliefs, no matter how justified we are, only causes them to dig in and fight back harder. And once the crap starts flying, others fling it back and we all go into some deteriorated mode that accomplishes nothing, scares away newbies of both persuasions and in general feels foolish in hindsight. But that may just be me.
In a perfect world, those that get in some pissed off mode at any given member would just say "I'm pissed right now, so I'll just watch for awhile and see what others want to say" or something like that. Or that they would just leave the thread quietly. At least for awhile. Because once that point is reached in any conversation, whether it is the internet or real life, nothing is going to get accomplished.
Nobody can get pissed without expectations. It's impossible. And the more one creates expectations, the more one is likely to find reasons to get angry. Some of us have low expectations of theists and aren't the least bit surprised or even angry that they are going into faith mode, or hell mode, or you are a sinner mode. Others say enough is enough very easily, and hence, judgement occurs. Rather harsh judgement.
Of course it's fun to be able to anonymously beat the crap out of unsuspecting dupes, and I understand that. But I would think it would get tiring after awhile. But I'm old and tire easily. Maybe you young uns' don't have that problem.
Anyway, if what you mean by "judgement" is not expressing an opinion, then you're out of luck. If you mean not immediately condemning a person without asking them for clarification or supporting evidence, that might be okay. In the meantime, we all have to judge at some level. I don't think we have any other way of taking in information.
Being polite
A two way street that requires extra effort from both parties when disagreements are being discussed. It means not only saying please and thank you, but responding to questions and requests for clarification. It involves doing your own frickin' research rather than ask question after question. It involves presenting arguments well and with supporting quotes, links and other backup. And if it is ones opinion, it involves stating it as clearly as you can, without making the assumption that the reader will be able to successfully read between the lines. Especially if it is a one line, smart assed assertion.
Showing understanding and empathy
This is something we often try to show when in fact we are having to call our chiropractor as we type, because our neck hurts so bad from shaking our head in disbelief. If you are asking us to understand that someone may be a christian because they were raised that way and don't know any better, that't not asking too much. Unless that same person is showing no signs of doing anything but their gods work here, preaching like crazy and never responding to requests about the hows and whys and whos and other details. And empathy? That's too PC. How much empathy do you expect me or other atheists to have for a parent who harms their child under the guise of religion. Who molests young women under the guise of religion. Who pulls in cash by the millions by asking little old ladies living on pensions to send in just another ten or twenty dollars every month. How much empathy should I have for someone who hates gays or thinks only christian marriage is acceptable or who wants me to leave the country because I'm an atheist? Each of those thoughts is rampant in various religious groups, and other dastardly thoughts and activities occur that I haven't bothered mentioning. I don't mind showing a little understanding when I encounter someone who has been brainwashed, but I will not conjure up sympathy for someone who is brainwashing others.
Conceding where necessary
There aren't too many places to concede in this world when it comes to religion vs. atheism. I can't say for sure that I know I am right, but I sure know that the religious are wrong. And for me to nod politely as genesis is explained as literal for the upteen millionth time, letting them think in the process that they might be making progress in converting or convincing me, is lying. And I hear christians don't like that. At least they don't like others doing it.
As of this date I have not had my views of the universe or my take on god successfully called into question by any theist. Which sort of means that either their arguments are weak or I'm hard headed. But I know I'm not the latter because I am always reading, always exploring a variety of knowledge sources, always curious, always interested in this world, it's occupants, and the universe we inhabit. I love learning, I hate thinking I know it all, and if I am going to concede something, it probably has to involve more than petty opinions semi-formed by petty religious minds.
Things of that nature. These are pretty obvious though, to most people anyway.
There are of course those of us who feel you have violated every item on this list in your short week on this site. Some think you are improving, others are either very against your being here or are at least wanting to wait a heck of a lot longer than a couple of days to see if you can improve your record and prove your sincerity. Some here think you are playing us for fools, while others think you just ran out of play-dough and needed something to do. You are clearly literate, but otherwise there is little clear about you, kymer. I for one have just stayed away from most of your posts as of late because that is easier than finding out if my laptop can really fly. I don't even check the site on my iPad because I know it will. You ability to make a list, however flawed, of civil things a person can do means that you understand that the concept exists. You still have a lot of proving to do, as far as I am concerned, before I will begin to suspect you yourself are capable of behaving a civilly as you demand we do.
