Whoa, Olivianus responded to something I said. Was it something i said?
If it makes you feel any better, none of my hippy babies were aborted. I paid for 'em for a long time, but they weren't aborted.
It's absolutely true that there was never an abortion on planet earth prior to the hippy movement and the rise of the mighty atheist party. Never, never happened. Life was perfect. (LIttle known fact: Leave it to Beaver was a documentary). Yea, there was that first amendment thingy, but it wasn't too important back then because everybody was perfect. Other than everyone being born sinners, that is. Which, believe it or not, had no effect whatsoever on the impeccable morality of the United States prior to the unfortunate invention of the hippie in 1967 and the atheist in '69
(Olivianus, there is a sex joke in there so don't read that sentence).
Of course, this all coincided with the invention of the camera and the imagination. Two hippy atheists from Pakucah, KY realized that they could take pictures of each other having sex with impossibly large breasted, leggy bleached blondes and sell it for a profit. This was fun for awhile but then suddenly people started noticing that they had a hankering for sex slaves, because pornography just wasn't enough. But there weren't any to be found in this wonderful country of ours.
Now, some say it was a coincidence, others a conspiracy. But that is also about the time that US auto makers started building vehicles that would last more than 100,000 miles. And while this looked good on paper, three atheist hippies in Peoria figured out that suddenly it was feasible to capture sex slaves in Thailand, drive them 11,000 miles to the United States using fancy new Chevys and Fords, and suddenly sex trafficking was both fun and profitable. (You would think that the thousands of miles of ocean between Thailand and the US would put a damper on this idea, but if Olivianus can make stuff up, so can I). Anyway, soon caravans of sex slaves were being driven to the US in everything from Impalas to Fairlanes, and by 1971 there was such much fucking going on that not only were all the athiests too busy to do anything else, there were only seven confirmed christians left in the whole United States.
Now I can see where you would think this was a problem. What with sex slaves being bought and sold on the open market (I got most of mine at Safeway in Oregon, but back east I guess it was Piggly Wiggly). But overall, it wasn't to bad. However, then women who were not sex slaves (an oversight, I'm sure) started getting pregnant anyway, and of course, had to have abortions. It was like, you know, they had no choice. With only seven christians in the country, there was nobody to fend off a concerted effort by f**king congressmen and f**king supreme court justices to make abortion not only legal, but mandatory. Lacking any morals whatsoever, being atheists and all, by noon in 1972, everything was legal except morality, and other than a slight headway made by eunuchs for jesus, it looked hopeless. Not counting the eunuchs, America was down to four christians.
Slowly but surely, a few babies here, a few babies there, made it through the gauntlet of uncaring laws and regulations, and some of them had a chance to become christians. Since there were so few left, each of those little christian babies made up their own version of the religion, which is why even today no two ever agree on anything. But while the rest of us were f**king sex slaves by the hundreds, the christians started making headway, and slowly but surely, they made it to 2012, where they are apparently starting to make their voice heard.
So I can see where Olivianus is coming from. This sex, sex, sex stuff is getting old I, for one, am starting to feel dirty. And since that 1975 law passed requiring every male to have at least 500 copies of Playboy and 100 sex slaves, I haven't had time to do anything else but keep up with government regulations. It's oppressive.
If there were only some ancient, divinely inspired text that could instruct us on exactly how to behave, we could be freed from the oppression of sex and slave-ownership. And since we don't have universal abortion care, all my girlfriends are getting spendy. so if we could find some old text that clarified the moral status of abortion, sex slavery, pornography and driving on oceans, perhaps we could return to a simpler time, when we walked around lost in the desert for 40 years and got drowned a lot and hung our saviors up high so everyone could see them. We could be proud again and wretches again, and saved. Can't forget saved.
Though an eternity in heaven without porn is going to be a little hard to handle.
But I say we give Olivanus his way. Let him control everything. Put him in charge of everything. I'm sure that within the week every human on earth will give in to his mighty mind and superior morals, and other than that really bad taste in our mouths, we'll be pretty happy as obedient and oppressed followers of his lord.
Well, you will. Me? I'd rather ride that trail of imagined atheistic traits, and be seen as a dastardly wrong-doer, uncontrolled by any moral standards, doing as I please, when I please, where I please. Granted, I'm a simple dude who lives in a little cabin and has a little job and enjoys hiking and woodworking. But Olivianus's accusations make me sound bigger than life, like a huge lie, like a fairy tale (not that there's anything wrong with that), like the villain in a Batman movie, like that guy I always wanted to be (the one guy in the world that made Gengis Khan look like a whimp), and I get to imagine that I've been having sex with slaves and magazines my whole life. That is my choice.
(Olivianus, you and I are a lot alike. I can turn out a crock of sh*t too.)