I don't know if it is too personal but during that time when you where abused, did you believe that love existed? Why?
Why? Because *I* was still capable of loving others. IIRC, I was capable of affection towards many other beings long
before I was consciously aware of receiving love. I also had a fairly advanced sense of morality by the time I entered kindergarten, enough so to know that teasing other kids was wrong even if it was done to Me.
The most egregious abuse I experienced was as an adult, in the context of a decades-long relationship. One of the reasons it was hard to break away was that I had a substantial personal investment in the situation and kept hoping against hope
that things would improve.
At one point, though, just after New Year's in the last months of the relationship, I experienced a moment of clarity. It was a moment of pure emotional darkness, an hour or so of depression so intense that it wouldn't be out of line to call it The Void or The Abyss. I felt so utterly alone in the universe that I said to Myself "If I have to go forward from this point without love, so be it."
And I put one foot in front of the other, and numbly "walked" through life by rote until the darkness lifted. My only options were to trust Myself, trust that I possessed the strength to face the problems at hand, or die.
Six months later, I was free.
It's also very interesting that no deities chose to exploit My weakness. If ever there had been a moment in which I had been open to receiving outside assistance, that would have been it; yet in the end, I saved Myself and the "other gods" remained constructs of the imagination, no more real than before the experience.