Author Topic: More Jokes for 2012 :)  (Read 346 times)

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Offline JL

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More Jokes for 2012 :)
« on: February 08, 2012, 11:29:54 AM »
Matt sat his son down and said,

"Look son, in life if you act like a pus*y then you'll never get any pus*y"

The  wife said, "Matthew, how dare you use that language in front of him"

Matt said, "Sorry dear, it won't happen again"

The son said, "I see what you mean Dad"

 ;) ;D
"Religion is regarded by the common man as true, the wise man as false, and the rulers as useful"

Now listening to--> Linda Chung 'My Love Story Album'

For Jazz :Exotica by Paul Taylor + The Dream by David Sanborn and Latin Quarter by Marc Antoine

Offline JL

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Re: More Jokes for 2012 :)
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2012, 11:31:02 AM »
Under SOPA, you could get 5 years for uploading a Michael Jackson song. One year more than the doctor who killed him. :police:
"Religion is regarded by the common man as true, the wise man as false, and the rulers as useful"

Now listening to--> Linda Chung 'My Love Story Album'

For Jazz :Exotica by Paul Taylor + The Dream by David Sanborn and Latin Quarter by Marc Antoine

Offline JL

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Re: More Jokes for 2012 :)
« Reply #2 on: February 08, 2012, 11:32:10 AM »
As I knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this sexy blonde in a short skirt, I couldn't resist a quick glance at her knickers.

"Hey cheeky!" she said as she gave me a playful kick. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts isn't it?"

"That's an absolutely ridiculous accusation, madam," I said sternly. "I don't work here."

----
More to come  :-*
"Religion is regarded by the common man as true, the wise man as false, and the rulers as useful"

Now listening to--> Linda Chung 'My Love Story Album'

For Jazz :Exotica by Paul Taylor + The Dream by David Sanborn and Latin Quarter by Marc Antoine

Offline thunderridge

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Re: More Jokes for 2012 :)
« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2012, 11:32:46 AM »
JL-  I just got to work.  Ugh!  Thanks for making me laugh though.

Offline JL

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Re: More Jokes for 2012 :)
« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2012, 11:34:27 AM »
JL-  I just got to work.  Ugh!  Thanks for making me laugh though.

welcum come  :laugh:
"Religion is regarded by the common man as true, the wise man as false, and the rulers as useful"

Now listening to--> Linda Chung 'My Love Story Album'

For Jazz :Exotica by Paul Taylor + The Dream by David Sanborn and Latin Quarter by Marc Antoine

Offline JL

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Re: More Jokes for 2012 :)
« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2012, 11:36:47 AM »
Ok 1 more before I turn in for the night  ;D

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.

Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet."
 
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont .. .

Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit. Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"
 
She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

He knew he was not getting lucky that night.

The following night was the same ............ She stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit, but now he was wearing a black condom.

She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?"


He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences".
"Religion is regarded by the common man as true, the wise man as false, and the rulers as useful"

Now listening to--> Linda Chung 'My Love Story Album'

For Jazz :Exotica by Paul Taylor + The Dream by David Sanborn and Latin Quarter by Marc Antoine

Offline JL

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Re: More Jokes for 2012 :)
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2012, 11:31:08 AM »
More...

A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flew out and thumped against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a c0ck like that."  :police: ;D
"Religion is regarded by the common man as true, the wise man as false, and the rulers as useful"

Now listening to--> Linda Chung 'My Love Story Album'

For Jazz :Exotica by Paul Taylor + The Dream by David Sanborn and Latin Quarter by Marc Antoine

Offline JL

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Re: More Jokes for 2012 :)
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2012, 11:32:47 AM »
The teacher asks the class, "What's white and has two legs?"

The pupils answer: "A chicken!"

"Right. Very good, but it could also be a goose. Now, what's black and has four legs?"

The pupils say: "A dog!"

The teacher happily replies, "Right, but it could also be a cat."

Peter raises his arm. "I've got a question, too. What's stiff and dry when you put it in and small and slippery when you pull it out?"

The teacher gives him a slap in the face.

Peter replies, "Right, but it could also be a chewing gum."
"Religion is regarded by the common man as true, the wise man as false, and the rulers as useful"

Now listening to--> Linda Chung 'My Love Story Album'

For Jazz :Exotica by Paul Taylor + The Dream by David Sanborn and Latin Quarter by Marc Antoine

Offline JL

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Re: More Jokes for 2012 :)
« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2012, 11:34:23 AM »
Herman's was lying in bed when the bathroom door opened slowly.

His wife slipped out wearing a skimpy nightie and paraded around the bed seductively.

"I've been thinking dear, how about a bit of role reversal play tonight?" Herman asked
.
"Ooh yes, sounds like fun" She replied.

"Good. Not tonight. I've got a headache"
 ;D
"Religion is regarded by the common man as true, the wise man as false, and the rulers as useful"

Now listening to--> Linda Chung 'My Love Story Album'

For Jazz :Exotica by Paul Taylor + The Dream by David Sanborn and Latin Quarter by Marc Antoine

Offline Frank

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Re: More Jokes for 2012 :)
« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2012, 01:00:26 PM »
Go to conjunctivitis.com. It's a site for sore eyes.
"Atheism is not a mission to convert the world. It only seems that way because when other religions fall away, atheism is what is left behind".

Offline JL

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Re: More Jokes for 2012 :)
« Reply #10 on: February 11, 2012, 09:38:50 AM »
I came home early and caught my wife fingering herself. She hadn't seen me so I watched a while.
She kept pushing her finger in a little further and drawing it out a little. Then, she shoved another finger in the other hole.

As she drew her fingers out, I could see they were wet and she lifted them to her mouth, licking each one in turn. She was really enjoying it, her eyes were tightly shut.

"Oi! You dirty woman!" I said "Stop picking your nose!"
 ;D
"Religion is regarded by the common man as true, the wise man as false, and the rulers as useful"

Now listening to--> Linda Chung 'My Love Story Album'

For Jazz :Exotica by Paul Taylor + The Dream by David Sanborn and Latin Quarter by Marc Antoine

Offline Poseidon

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Re: More Jokes for 2012 :)
« Reply #11 on: February 12, 2012, 01:36:23 AM »
Motorcyle gang riding across a long bridge. One rider notices a woman at the rail of the highest span. He stops while the others ride on. He asks the woman what she is doing there. She says I'm going to commit suicide. He says before you do that would you grant me one wish? She says OK. He says come over here and give me a nice, long, passionate, kiss. She does. He asks, why are you going to kill yourself? She mutters because my parents hate me. Why do they hate you? Because they dont think I should dress like a girl.

Offline BustaBrown54

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Re: More Jokes for 2012 :)
« Reply #12 on: February 14, 2012, 09:49:20 AM »
I got a pretty good one...

A husband and wife are watching "Who wants to be a millionaire".  The husband asks for sex.
The wife said, "No."
"Is that your final answer?" asked the husband.
She responds "Yes."
He says, "Then I like to call a friend."

 :laugh:
"Sweat saves blood, blood save lives, Brains save both."---Desert Fox

Offline atheola

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Re: More Jokes for 2012 :)
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2012, 11:37:03 AM »
My sense of humor will never be the same. &)
You better believe it's not butter or you'll burn in hell forever and EVER!
Get on your knees right now and thank GOD for not being real!