Author Topic: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?  (Read 1969 times)

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Offline Ambassador Pony

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #29 on: February 10, 2012, 08:09:05 PM »
A lot of people turned this thread into "if the bible happened today, in the U.S., what would happen to the characters?"

Just saying.
You believe evolution and there is no evidence for that. Where is the fossil record of a half man half ape. I've only ever heard about it in reading.

Offline fishjie

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #30 on: February 10, 2012, 08:16:59 PM »
well duh, the USA is gods chosen country.   WE R TEH CHOSEN!!!111   one nation under god!   USA USA USA USA USA

Offline Alzael

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #31 on: February 10, 2012, 08:19:04 PM »
well duh, the USA is gods chosen country.   WE R TEH CHOSEN!!!111   one nation under god!   USA USA USA USA USA

Which explains a lot when you look at the condition the countries in.

Just saying.....
"I drank what?!"- Socrates

"Dying for something when you know you'll be resurrected is not a sacrifice.It's a parlour trick."- an aquaintance

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Offline jetson

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #32 on: February 10, 2012, 08:58:57 PM »
Damn you Alzael, I'm growing weary of your honesty.   ;D

Offline The Gawd

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #33 on: February 10, 2012, 09:05:36 PM »
well duh, the USA is gods chosen country.   WE R TEH CHOSEN!!!111   one nation under god!   USA USA USA USA USA

Which explains a lot when you look at the condition the countries in.

Just saying.....
theyre proud to be anti-intellectual. its embarrassing. They were ready to vote for Sarah Palin, imagine that anvil teetering over my head.

Offline Alzael

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #34 on: February 10, 2012, 09:29:04 PM »
Damn you Alzael, I'm growing weary of your honesty.   ;D

All right then, just for you I'll reword it, Jetson.

The USA must be gods chosen country! It's educational system is the envy of Peru! The healthcare is so amazing that it can provide great care for anyone who's sufficiently wealthy! And let's not forget what a tolerant place it is, everyone is welcome and respected as a member of society (as long as they're not gay, or black, or mexican, or atheist). Yeah, go USA! The nation blessed by god himself!




Better Jetson?
"I drank what?!"- Socrates

"Dying for something when you know you'll be resurrected is not a sacrifice.It's a parlour trick."- an aquaintance

Philip of Macedon: (via messenger) If we enter Sparta, we will raze all your buildings and ravage all your women.
Spartan Reply: If.

Offline Alzael

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #35 on: February 10, 2012, 09:30:24 PM »
well duh, the USA is gods chosen country.   WE R TEH CHOSEN!!!111   one nation under god!   USA USA USA USA USA

Which explains a lot when you look at the condition the countries in.

Just saying.....
theyre proud to be anti-intellectual. its embarrassing. They were ready to vote for Sarah Palin, imagine that anvil teetering over my head.

Well yeah. I mean they voted for Bush twice. Once I can understand, but twice?

That's like failing a test when you already know the answers.
"I drank what?!"- Socrates

"Dying for something when you know you'll be resurrected is not a sacrifice.It's a parlour trick."- an aquaintance

Philip of Macedon: (via messenger) If we enter Sparta, we will raze all your buildings and ravage all your women.
Spartan Reply: If.

Offline jetson

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #36 on: February 10, 2012, 09:43:15 PM »
Damn you Alzael, I'm growing weary of your honesty.   ;D

All right then, just for you I'll reword it, Jetson.

The USA must be gods chosen country! It's educational system is the envy of Peru! The healthcare is so amazing that it can provide great care for anyone who's sufficiently wealthy! And let's not forget what a tolerant place it is, everyone is welcome and respected as a member of society (as long as they're not gay, or black, or mexican, or atheist). Yeah, go USA! The nation blessed by god himself!


Better Jetson?

I can't believe you forgot our founding principle - that all men are created equal!

Sometimes I just want to escape to Canada, or Norway.

Offline MadBunny

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #37 on: February 10, 2012, 09:46:47 PM »
Give a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a night.  Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Online nogodsforme

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #38 on: February 11, 2012, 01:56:24 PM »
well duh, the USA is gods chosen country.   WE R TEH CHOSEN!!!111   one nation under god!   USA USA USA USA USA

Which explains a lot when you look at the condition the countries in.

Just saying.....
theyre proud to be anti-intellectual. its embarrassing. They were ready to vote for Sarah Palin, imagine that anvil teetering over my head.

Well yeah. I mean they voted for Bush twice. Once I can understand, but twice?

That's like failing a test when you already know the answers.

Voted for Reagan twice, too. That's like failing the same test twice when you already know the answers. And the test is open book. &)
Extraordinary claims of the bible don't even have ordinary evidence.

Kids aren't paying attention most of the time in science classes so it seems silly to get worked up over ID being taught in schools.

Offline 12 Monkeys

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #39 on: February 11, 2012, 01:59:53 PM »
Damn you Alzael, I'm growing weary of your honesty.   ;D

All right then, just for you I'll reword it, Jetson.

The USA must be gods chosen country! It's educational system is the envy of Peru! The healthcare is so amazing that it can provide great care for anyone who's sufficiently wealthy! And let's not forget what a tolerant place it is, everyone is welcome and respected as a member of society (as long as they're not gay, or black, or mexican, or atheist). Yeah, go USA! The nation blessed by god himself!


Better Jetson?

I can't believe you forgot our founding principle - that all men are created equal!

Sometimes I just want to escape to Canada, or Norway.
Canada awaits,the great Jetson
There's no right there's no wrong,there's just popular opinion (Brad Pitt as Jeffery Goines in 12 monkeys)

Online nogodsforme

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #40 on: February 11, 2012, 02:06:03 PM »
I love Canada. I can get behind the maple leaf.

Do you need a spare dreadlocked commie mommie willing to not gag over the poutaine? Just in case of a Santorum win.... &)
Extraordinary claims of the bible don't even have ordinary evidence.

Kids aren't paying attention most of the time in science classes so it seems silly to get worked up over ID being taught in schools.

Offline Alzael

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #41 on: February 11, 2012, 02:09:58 PM »
I love Canada. I can get behind the maple leaf.

Do you need a spare dreadlocked commie mommie willing to not gag over the poutaine? Just in case of a Santorum win.... &)

First, it's poutine. You'll have to get that right if you want to step across the border without getting shot. Second, how do you gag over poutine? You eat weirder and worse stuff than poutine when you go to Mcdonalds.
"I drank what?!"- Socrates

"Dying for something when you know you'll be resurrected is not a sacrifice.It's a parlour trick."- an aquaintance

Philip of Macedon: (via messenger) If we enter Sparta, we will raze all your buildings and ravage all your women.
Spartan Reply: If.

Offline 12 Monkeys

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #42 on: February 11, 2012, 02:13:11 PM »
come to western Canada,,,,,so many delicous ethnic foods on the west coast....and poutine only in fast food resturaunts

 you can start with my nation (Haida) fried bread,dried haluibut and smoked salmon
There's no right there's no wrong,there's just popular opinion (Brad Pitt as Jeffery Goines in 12 monkeys)

Offline 12 Monkeys

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #43 on: February 11, 2012, 02:16:33 PM »
I love Canada. I can get behind the maple leaf.

Do you need a spare dreadlocked commie mommie willing to not gag over the poutaine? Just in case of a Santorum win.... &)

First, it's poutine. You'll have to get that right if you want to step across the border without getting shot. Second, how do you gag over poutine? You eat weirder and worse stuff than poutine when you go to Mcdonalds.
getting shot in Canada means you have to be a gang affiliate or in the drug trade....not because you hate poutine  :laugh:
There's no right there's no wrong,there's just popular opinion (Brad Pitt as Jeffery Goines in 12 monkeys)

Offline Alzael

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #44 on: February 11, 2012, 02:24:38 PM »

getting shot in Canada means you have to be a gang affiliate or in the drug trade....not because you hate poutine  :laugh:

Speak for yourself, pal. I'll bust a cap in their ass.

French Fries+Cheese+Gravy=As close to the Food of the Gods as you can get in reality.....except for maybe a good taco bake.

come to western Canada,,,,,so many delicous ethnic foods on the west coast....and poutine only in fast food resturaunts

I don't know which part of Canada you're living in, but that's quite untrue. You can get it in a lot of other places other than fast food. The first time I ever had poutine was because it was available from the school for lunches (I'm an Albertan).
"I drank what?!"- Socrates

"Dying for something when you know you'll be resurrected is not a sacrifice.It's a parlour trick."- an aquaintance

Philip of Macedon: (via messenger) If we enter Sparta, we will raze all your buildings and ravage all your women.
Spartan Reply: If.

Offline 12 Monkeys

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #45 on: February 11, 2012, 02:33:51 PM »
Vancouver,,,,and poutine is only here in fast food joints,and only in the last few years

 Food of the God's

 Smoked salmon and fried bread
« Last Edit: February 11, 2012, 02:36:43 PM by 12 Monkeys »
There's no right there's no wrong,there's just popular opinion (Brad Pitt as Jeffery Goines in 12 monkeys)

Offline Alzael

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #46 on: February 11, 2012, 03:04:10 PM »
Vancouver,,,,and poutine is only here in fast food joints,and only in the last few years

 Food of the God's

 Smoked salmon and fried bread

Yuck, heathen.
"I drank what?!"- Socrates

"Dying for something when you know you'll be resurrected is not a sacrifice.It's a parlour trick."- an aquaintance

Philip of Macedon: (via messenger) If we enter Sparta, we will raze all your buildings and ravage all your women.
Spartan Reply: If.

Offline fishjie

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #47 on: February 11, 2012, 03:10:12 PM »
well duh, the USA is gods chosen country.   WE R TEH CHOSEN!!!111   one nation under god!   USA USA USA USA USA

Which explains a lot when you look at the condition the countries in.

Just saying.....

yeah i live in seattle washington and try not to associate myself with the bible belt south.     its pretty cool here.   washington just legalized gay marriage!   the christians who protested can go fuck themselves.

Online nogodsforme

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #48 on: February 12, 2012, 05:40:40 PM »
You know how in screwball comedies the two who argue all the time end up in bed together? Our representative Canucks, Alzael and 12 Monkeys need to get a room so they can "fight about poutine". 'Cause that's what the kids are calling it these days. ;)

And they will, as of last week, be able to legally "fight about poutine" with a view of the Space Needle! Yay for the USA! Sometimes, as a last resort, we vote to do the right thing!

Speaking of effing themselves, the Westboro Idiot Church is here, busy "protesting" at the funerals of those two little boys killed by their murdering psycho Christian dad.  :'(
I am not sure what they are protesting-- maybe the fact that the guy waited so long before taking his whole family to be with Jesus?
Extraordinary claims of the bible don't even have ordinary evidence.

Kids aren't paying attention most of the time in science classes so it seems silly to get worked up over ID being taught in schools.

Offline MadBunny

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #49 on: February 12, 2012, 09:02:22 PM »
Give a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a night.  Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Offline atheola

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #50 on: February 13, 2012, 12:04:55 AM »
In the beginning.....and Michelle Obama planted a fucking apple tree on the whitehouse lawn and Fox News never forgave her for the downfall of Newt. :P
You better believe it's not butter or you'll burn in hell forever and EVER!
Get on your knees right now and thank GOD for not being real!

Offline Frank

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #51 on: February 13, 2012, 03:15:07 PM »
Joseph and Maria would appear Jerry Springer. With Joseph calling her a two-timing bitch and Maria going, "But it was a holy ghost! You can't say no to a ghost! Ask any Hollywood script writer!"
Plus, according to the Quran, that ghost was well hung, so any time the camera focusses on Joseph, there'll be a caption saying "Not well hung according to Maria."


What would make that really interesting was if Jesus/God turned up and said he was having sex with his own mother, got her pregnant and she gave birth to himself. Lets see Jerry sort that one out.
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Offline atheola

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #52 on: February 13, 2012, 04:19:36 PM »
Serpent becomes subprime mortgage lender and the home you're tossed out of ruins your credit score for eternity.. that's where I got my home loan...a serpent.
You better believe it's not butter or you'll burn in hell forever and EVER!
Get on your knees right now and thank GOD for not being real!

Offline Samothec

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Re: If the bible was happening today, what would happen to the characters?
« Reply #53 on: February 15, 2012, 06:36:48 AM »
Interpol reported today the apprehension of an international criminal wanted for war crimes known by various aliases such as "God", "Yahweh", "Jehovah", "Adonai", the gang tag "YHWH", and others.

He first came to attention long ago for the kidnapping and imprisonment of the couple known as "Adam" & "Eve". He claimed to have created Eve from Adam's genetic material but with the Y chromosome replaced with an X. He also forced them to have sex with each other producing Cain, Able and Seth. Cain later killed his brother Able at God's prompting. He then set Cain up in a nice home in a country with no extradition agreements. Seth produced other children for God by an unnamed mother although speculation was that either Eve, his own mother, or unnamed sisters were the mother(s) of his children.

Cain was the first young man to kill for God but was not the last. This international criminal hired many hit men over the years. He often then set up those young men as leaders of their own country after they slaughtered thousands. Strangely he often requested the foreskins of the victims. There is no news as to what he did with all those foreskins.

The country he carved for himself, which he named the World, was not safe from his deadly intent either. At one time he forced a man and his family to build a wooden boat and gather all the animals they could so they could survive his slaughter of everyone and everything else. That account has been fictionalized several times but what not generally known was God's return to his desire to force others into incestuous relationships.

Questionable sexual relations even included his own "son" – if he was indeed that. No blood test was ever done to determine who really did father Jesus. He refuted his father's policies instead endorsing peace and love but God found followers among his son's friends. Judas identified Jesus to the authorities who then arranged for his death. Then God had Jesus' successor as leader of the group twist them into doom prophets.

Those very prophecies were what helped bring this monster down. Talk of wide-spread poisonings, bombings, and bioterrorism planned for everywhere across the Earth, not just his little corner of it, prompted even places like North Korea and Iran to refuse him a safe haven.

In spite of God's advanced age, he claims he is eternal and does seem very spry. But with many thousands of deaths that can be linked to him, as well as the other more deviant crimes, if convicted he is expected to get a sentence of several millennia at least, if not the death penalty.
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