And so it was, two thousand years had passed, and God said "Let there be iPhones". And they were pretty good. And Joseph and Mary did become grandparents with iPhones. With Siri. And Siri spoketh unto them and said "Do not speak into the microphone of Android, lest ye learn the open source ways of the great spawn of Satan, Google."
And Google did become the mind of all, and search engines are awesome. And so it came to be that upon the internet, mankind has fulfilled his destiny, and her destiny, and the Gay and Lesbian destiny, as well as the destiny of the unborn who spoketh not on any phone for they were released early from the perils of earthliness while still in the womb, by the wicked, but brilliant who knew better than to listen to the pro-life whacks who had no phones either. Somebody killed another fig tree.
And they wandered endlessly upon the desert of Google, searching forever. And they did find their ancestors, the original slaves of Compuserve and AOL. That was too much, and they did press the back arrow. For among the billions who believe, Google watches, waits, and silently provides for all of us. Fear not the Bings, for they know not who they serve.
And those who found the brightest Starbucks among them all, through Google, did find paradise and behold, it was unbelievably expensive. But flavor and excessive costs is no match for those who follow Google. And Google has not yet rested, for it's stock price is too high.
And as we walk through the shadow of the valley of the Internets, an ancient reminder that Google is now God, shows it's beacon and calls the old atheists, who now Google, to a place. A place where all are welcome, but few survive. WWGHA.