How Atheism Has Helped Me Greatly

[curiousgirl]

I know that I have not been posting on here as much as I did last year, so I wanted to share some of my thoughts with you on how becoming an atheist has truly had a positive impact on my life.

When I first came to this forum last summer, I was in crisis. Due to my deconversion, I found myself in the middle of a deep depression where I would drag myself through my day, and I had such a hard time getting much sleep. You guys were here for me. The members of my (former) megachurch had convinced me that life away from Christ was desolate, empty agony. I even believed at one point that I would rather die than give up God. However, upon conversing with some of you, I realized that it was possible to live a fulfilling life without any kind of god at the center of it.

Today, I am a much healthier person, physically and psychologically. I lost 10 lbs (yay!) because I was able to stop abusing my body from eating too much junk food (as a Christian I had thought that only the afterlife truly matters). I was able to deal with my depression and anxiety (runs in my family, and was triggered by childhood abuse that I suffered) without any medication anymore by taking control of my own life. No longer did I have to deal with the intense pressures and worries of trying to fit into the mold of "God's plan" or "God's will," so I was able to just be myself and figure out how to be comfortable in my own skin. I realized that although I love taking care of my husband and son at home, that I did not have to limit myself just because I am female, so I went back to school.

In retrospect, I realize how much Christianity truly hurt me throughout my childhood and early adulthood.  It limits your potential to grow emotionally, intellectually and socially as a human being due to its prejudices and traditions. Atheism did not turn me into a devil-worshipping, baby-eating witch. Honestly, I have more mental clarity as an atheist than I ever did as a Christian.

I think the world would be a much more loving and fair place if there were less Christians in it. Although I have reached a point where I am not angry at Christians or threatened by them unless they get in my face, I do think that, ironically, the words of Jesus actually apply to them: "they know not what they do." A Christian has to cherry-pick Bible verses and be (at least somewhat willfully) ignorant of ones that do not make sense in the real world. That being said, I do generally have compassion for them (unless they pick a fight or do something outrageous or unfair) because they are like fearful children clinging to their belief in Santa Claus. I do not say that in spite, because I feel a great sense of peace regarding my deconversion, and my bitterness toward Christians has faded. I will, however, express my disgust for that fictional character called "God," and anyone who does terrible things in his name.

[Nick]

Thank you for that Curiousgirl.  That is why this site and others are so important.  It is criminal what some Christians do to others especially if they question or escape like you did.  And to take control of your life both physically and emotionally...GREAT JOB!!!


(PS - may I point out just how good a fresh baby is...but lets keep that a secret.)

[ParkingPlaces]

Hooray for you cg, and thanks for helping give rational thought a good name. I've been doing this atheism thing for many a decade, and your little spiel here helps me to understand a little better what the current crop of deconverters are going through.

Your ability to not hold a grudge against religion speaks legions for how well you've adjusted. And your lack of bitterness also demonstrates that you're a bit more mature than me. 

You stay, girl. Atheist, that is.

[curiousgirl]

Thank you for the kind responses! 

Nick, I agree with you about Christian behavior in that Christians can get really ugly with their behavior toward deconverters. I lost almost all of my Christian friends in my former megachurch because they saw me as a threat to their faith once I deconverted. Honestly, I would rather not have their company if they are that closed-minded and threatened by reason.

Anyway, I do hope that my story will help someone else who is thinking of deconverting. It really isn't the end of the world when you lose faith in something that does not even exist.

[Tero]

Can be difficult in those younger years. Religion played no role for me from 16 to 30, it just was never an issue. In the hippie years we were so fucking tolerant! There was not nearly as much hedonism as the movies show. I thought drugs were risky never did much.

But back to you. Google the It Gets Better site if depressed again.Its for gay lesbian youth but the intolerance is the same.

[Brakeman]

Funny thing about the anti-gay intolerance.. At work I share an office with a highly educated gay woman who is nearing retirement. She has told me stories about having to deal with prejudice and coming out of the closet. Yet when a current event came into the discussion that mentioned atheists, she let go a theistic tirade. She doesn't know I'm atheist. So being part of a victimized group doesn't slow some down when they get the chance to victimize. Though, personally I think religion is so very very stupid, it doesn't hurt me inside at all I just quietly laugh.

[jetson]

Funny thing about the anti-gay intolerance.. At work I share an office with a highly educated gay woman who is nearing retirement. She has told me stories about having to deal with prejudice and coming out of the closet. Yet when a current event came into the discussion that mentioned atheists, she let go a theistic tirade. She doesn't know I'm atheist. So being part of a victimized group doesn't slow some down when they get the chance to victimize. Though, personally I think religion is so very very stupid, it doesn't hurt me inside at all I just quietly laugh.

Damn.  Thanks for reminding us that hypocrisy is alive and well!  I think it's important to remember things like this.  Generally, I find homosexuals to be fairly tolerant of pretty much everyone (except rapists, serial murderers, thieves, and child molesters, of course).  But yeah, pretty much a "live and let live" attitude.  But it is good to keep your wits up when religion comes knocking. 

[albeto]

I'm glad you shared this cg.  I think we don't really realize just how much we're trained to suppress ourselves as Christians until we no longer buy the story.  I'm glad you're standing strong and taking control of your life. 

[rickymooston]

Honest feedback, your experience doesnt sound typical. I'm glad  you take your life more seriously but i really think it has more to do with you than your former/current beliefs.

As for depression, glad thats fixed. I hope the fix is permanent. Some of the causes of depression in some people are physical as you well know. Don't be ashamed of taking medication if you have to; my cousin is a vice president of a medium sized american company and she takes meds for depression.

You've mentioned abuse? I hope you are dealing with that in a postive way; e.g., joinging a peer group or getting some counceling.

Best luck on going back to school and with your family.

When I first came to this forum last summer, I was in crisis. Due to my deconversion, I found myself in the middle of a deep depression where I would drag myself through my day, and I had such a hard time getting much sleep. You guys were here for me. The members of my (former) megachurch had convinced me that life away from Christ was desolate, empty agony.

Wow, that is excessive.

I even believed at one point that I would rather die than give up God. However, upon conversing with some of you, I realized that it was possible to live a fulfilling life without any kind of god at the center of it.

If I had a company, I' hire your mega church for my marketing team!!! They are apparently very good at selling b.s.

Today, I am a much healthier person, physically and psychologically. I lost 10 lbs (yay!) because I was able to stop abusing my body from eating too much junk food (as a Christian I had thought that only the afterlife truly matters). I was able to deal with my depression and anxiety (runs in my family, and was triggered by childhood abuse that I suffered) without any medication anymore by taking control of my own life.

Depression/anxiety has a variety of causes. Everybody gets both to some extent.
If yours doesn't require medication that's great.

No longer did I have to deal with the intense pressures and worries of trying to fit into the mold of "God's plan" or "God's will," so I was able to just be myself and figure out how to be comfortable in my own skin. I realized that although I love taking care of my husband and son at home,

When I was in church, I didn't notice too many people getting "stressed" by the God's plan thing. In fact, my former church was pretty supportive. However, you

that I did not have to limit myself just because I am female, so I went back to school.

Again, that doesn't ride with my experience. Your church must have been particularly backward. The church I went to had women who were Phd's, managers and successful accountants.

In retrospect, I realize how much Christianity truly hurt me throughout my childhood and early adulthood.  It limits your potential to grow emotionally, intellectually and socially as a human being due to its prejudices and traditions. Atheism did not turn me into a devil-worshipping, baby-eating witch. Honestly, I have more mental clarity as an atheist than I ever did as a Christian.

I wouldn't blame Christianity here per se. Lots of Christians live perfectly ordinary lives without being stuck with stone age values. That said, perhaps your church and/or your family were particularly conservative.

I think the world would be a much more loving and fair place if there were less Christians in it.

This would be true if your experience were universal. It isn't.

Truth is, there are lots of very informed Christians who lives very fullfilling lives and some of their women are even successful.

Although I have reached a point where I am not angry at Christians or threatened by them unless they get in my face, I do think that, ironically, the words of Jesus actually apply to them: "they know not what they do." A Christian has to cherry-pick Bible verses and be (at least somewhat willfully) ignorant of ones that do not make sense in the real world. That being said, I do generally have compassion for them (unless they pick a fight or do something outrageous or unfair) because they are like fearful children clinging to their belief in Santa Claus. I do not say that in spite, because I feel a great sense of peace regarding my deconversion, and my bitterness toward Christians has faded. I will, however, express my disgust for that fictional character called "God," and anyone who does terrible things in his name.

I think you should get out more and meet more people.

No offense but some Christians are rather normal. For the most part, there isn't a huge difference between Christians and atheists in the US as far as I know.

[Tero]

I have a longer bit, but here is my 2008 blog on Meaning.

The Meaning of Life

No, I have no secrets. If there were an all powerful supernatural being, would you want the meaning of your life to be to glorify such an, apparently egotistical, being? I give you your own purpose, make it up.

Life means whatever you want it to mean. I you think it is meaningful to be a kindergarten teacher, be one.

If you believe in God and your purpose is to spread his message, then do that. You might help a few down and out people. You have at least proved there is altruism in man.

If you believe your goal is to seek truths, then seek truths. Record progress, so that someone else can continue your work.

If your goal is to raise a few kids to be good citizens, do that.

We ourselves provide meaning for our lives. If you alone can't do it, form relationships with other people. But, in general, nobody else will do it for you.

Life is here. Enjoy it, this is not just a waiting room, and probably this is all there is.

Have fun.

I thought it worthwhile to post to young folks. (I am 58)

[Tykster]

I have a longer bit, but here is my 2008 blog on Meaning.
The Meaning of Life

[snip]
If you believe in God and your purpose is to spread his message, then do that. You might help a few down and out people. You have at least proved there is altruism in man.

That's not altruism. It's still doing the bidding of your Invisible Magic Person ( phrase courtesy of Kcrady, thank you. ) with the expectation of being looked upon favorably.

[curiousgirl]

Ricky, perhaps it is true that my church was particularly backward. However, the Bible itself is particularly backward, and if Christians choose to live by what it says, that can cause problems for them, especially in this day and age.

If you had a different experience with church, I respect that. Not all Christians are fundies, and I can even get along with some of them because they don't put me down. I realize that there are more liberal Christians. However, history has shown that Christianity has lead to (and in severe cases, it still does lead to) oppression of atheists. I feel that it was unreasonable for most of my friends from church to basically turn their backs on me because I expressed polite disagreement with their beliefs.

I'm not going to say that my opinions are objective reality. They are my opinions based on my individual experiences and my attempts to use reason, and it is totally fine for others to disagree. Ironically, I have reached a point where I feel more humble than I was as a Christian, to where I realize how much I have to learn, especially at such a young age. That being said, I respect that your experience and opinion is different than mine. I may have a strong opinion, but I'm not trying to make others feel like their experiences are invalid.

[velkyn]

This would be true if your experience were universal. It isn't.
Truth is, there are lots of very informed Christians who lives very fullfilling lives and some of their women are even successful.

Yes, that's true, but many many of us have had the same experience as CG.  Those Christians who are tolerant, etc, are not followign their bible and they have essentially created another religion.  I've also noticed that Christians are much nicer when not in a herd.  it's harder to be an ass if you don't have someone supporting you.

[rickymooston]

Well, I';ve experienced the rejection thing too.    That part of your testimoney I can relate to.

I've encountered the view that morality comes from God too but was surprised by that causing you depression. The depression part certainly sounded beyond christianity to me ...? I'm happy you conquered that. Depression can be very scary when it gets out of hand.

A girl I liked eventually rejected my marriage when I told her I wasn;t a christian any more

I wasn't just talking about liberal Christians or tolerance but you seemed to have experienced more than just intolerance if I understood your testimoney well

For example, you mentioned "getting an education" as a woman. I know tons of fundie women with educations and careers. Indeed the girl who rejected me socially was very well educated. She's not a liberal Christian but she's certainly an educated one.

Anyway, many of the aspects you rejected sounded like more than conservative christianity but ultra conservative. I do know there exist conservative Christians who believe women should be barefoot and pregnant but I'd not experienced those people as the majority of  conservative christians.

It should be noted however that I'm Canadian and Canada is socially to the left of the US.

[thunderridge]

cg-  Have you come across where does your moral standard come from question yet?  And if so how did you respond? 

[Tykster]

cg-  Have you come across where does your moral standard come from question yet?  And if so how did you respond?

Please excuse my interruption here, but so far, for me, the best response to the morality question is courtesy of the late Hitch, simply; that morality predates religion. It gives them something to ponder...

[thunderridge]

Thanks Tykster.  I did not know of that Hitch quote.

[curiousgirl]

I view morality as subjective because it changes with time and cultures. It even changes from one part of the Bible to the next because of SPAG.

[curiousgirl]

Ricky, let me give you an example of the backwardness of my former church. They said that you HAVE to obey your husband (as long as his commands don't contradict Scripture). That means if he says no school or work, the wife can forget about being outside the home. If he says to be pregnant, she is supposed to either pray to God to change his mind, or she has to get pregnant.

I was lucky that my husband deconverted before me, and he is not the type to order me around anyway. I am happy that he views me as an equal. However, I had been so brainwashed as a Christian that I still thought that being a subservient housewife was the best thing in God's eyes.

Also, other women are not so lucky. The church tells them that if their husbands are cruel, or addicts or abusive, to pray for them but not to divorce them. So many women endure years of psychological and/or physical abuse because they are taught that they can only divorce if their husband cheats on them or deserts them.

[Nick]

Ricky, let me give you an example of the backwardness of my former church. They said that you HAVE to obey your husband (as long as his commands don't contradict Scripture). That means if he says no school or work, the wife can forget about being outside the home. If he says to be pregnant, she is supposed to either pray to God to change his mind, or she has to get pregnant.

I was lucky that my husband deconverted before me, and he is not the type to order me around anyway. I am happy that he views me as an equal. However, I had been so brainwashed as a Christian that I still thought that being a subservient housewife was the best thing in God's eyes.

Also, other women are not so lucky. The church tells them that if their husbands are cruel, or addicts or abusive, to pray for them but not to divorce them. So many women endure years of psychological and/or physical abuse because they are taught that they can only divorce if their husband cheats on them or deserts them.

Can we all say, "Tailban"

[curiousgirl]

Well, the scary thing about my former church is that members tried to dress stylishly and put up a front that they are cool because they can be into some modern trends (social networking, imitating popular styles of music to make Christian songs for services) but underneath it all they follow archaic Biblical teachings like what I mentioned in my earlier post.

[Tero]

Just don't get no husband anywhere there. Move to a comfortable distance when able and get a life there.

[rickymooston]

Well, the scary thing about my former church is that members tried to dress stylishly and put up a front that they are cool because they can be into some modern trends (social networking, imitating popular styles of music to make Christian songs for services) but underneath it all they follow archaic Biblical teachings like what I mentioned in my earlier post.

So you are saying the woman in your church were all barefoot and pregnant? 

There were no female accountants, business woman, politicians, or other professionals in your church? All of them were slaves to their husbands (a bad thing) and good moms (a good thing of course)?

I do acknowledge Christianity is not a tolerant religion and every Christian should apparently believe the world is going to hell. That does objectively suck.

However, you mentioned some many other things here.

[curiousgirl]

No, Ricky, I think you missed my point. While I did not claim that all the women were barefoot and pregnant, I did mention that the women were taught to obey their husbands (if they were married).

The unmarried women had more jobs and independence, but they were told not to have sex AT ALL until they were married. So there were women who wanted to stay unmarried into their 40s and 50s, but they complained that they had not had sex in years.

Many other women who chose love and sex got married and lost their independence. A lot of the wives stayed at home and had kids because they felt that God wanted them to or because their husbands wanted them to.

[rickymooston]

Thanks for the clarifications.

No, Ricky, I think you missed my point. While I did not claim that all the women were barefoot and pregnant, I did mention that the women were taught to obey their husbands (if they were married).

I see. Obeying your husband certainly is in the bible but most Christians, including many fundies seem to take that with a grain of salt. 

You were married before you converted; how did your husband adjust so well?

The unmarried women had more jobs and independence, but they were told not to have sex AT ALL until they were married.

Fair enough; this was the case in a liberal church I went to as well. I don't necessarily
see this as a disadvantage although I did have sex before marriage. The advantage of waitng, for both men and women, is a reduced risk of STDs.

My grandmother didn't have sex until 2 years after being married.

So there were women who wanted to stay unmarried into their 40s and 50s, but they complained that they had not had sex in years.

I see. If they complained, why did they stay in the church? I mean, if they believe the no sex outside marriage thing, why complain?

Many other women who chose love and sex got married and lost their independence. A lot of the wives stayed at home and had kids because they felt that God wanted them to or because their husbands wanted them to.

Were the majority of married women in that church thus stay at home moms or the minority?

It should be noted, when its voluntary, I see advantages and disadvantages to having a stay at home parent; notice I didn't specify the parent has to be the wife. Its dangerous if a relationship is abusive of course and for some people its too contraining or its too expensive.

[Tero]

There's not enough comedy here. I will quote Zappa from Helsinki set, 1975: If you are Christian, you get pussy.

May be on You tube. Its called Room Service.

[curiousgirl]

Ricky, my husband certainly did deconvert before me, and it initially strained our marriage. When I decided to use reason rather than just believing what the Bible said or what the church taught, I deconverted as well.

For some women, waiting for sex until marriage works. For many, it does not because they want to be sure that they are sexually compatible with someone before they are married. Also, for some it takes years to find the right spouse and they would rather just have sex with a boyfriend until they are sure he is "the one". So some women have sex before marriage and are called evil for acting normal. I disobeyed my church (discreetly) and had sex when I was engaged. If women ask men to use condoms, that decreases the risk of spreading STDs or having unintended pregnancies.

However, there are the in-between (unmarried and conflicted) women that I mentioned earlier who were older and still abstained from sex, because they did not want to be seen as evil by God or anyone else. Yet they truly wanted to have sex and maintain their freedom to where a man could not order them around. I honestly think they complained and stayed because they feared going to hell if they left the church. I certainly feared hell when I first left the faith and the church. I had even feared hell when I had sex before marriage, and I got married soon after.

Most of the married women were stay-at-home moms, including myself. Having a child with your husband was seen as the second biggest blessing for a woman (the first biggest blessing was salvation through Christ). Even though I had my son at a young age (he is 3 now) and it was hard, I am still glad that I had him because he was always wanted. However, I did not want to feel like I had to stay home just because the church taught that women are supposed to serve their husbands like they serve Christ. I had a mind of my own, and I wanted to think for myself. I like to take care of my husband and son, but I can get a degree and go to work. My husband even told me that I can boss him around. 

[rickymooston]

Ricky, my husband certainly did deconvert before me, and it initially strained our marriage.

I see. And as a believer he forced you to be barefoot and pregnant? Or was that decision really just the one that suited you both at the time rather than a perceoved directive from God?

For some women, waiting for sex until marriage works. For many, it does not because they want to be sure that they are sexually compatible with someone before they are married.

Unsure why you said women instead of people. Obviously, some men will have issues with a perceived lack of "sexual compatibility" as well. 

I agree sexual compatibility can be a problem but honestly, I suspect the main factors that lead to divorce are other things. Different priorities, different views of how money should be handled, etc, etc, etc. I honestly believe, if two people want to make sex work they can. I'll confess that some sex acts may excite one partner and gross out the other though. I also confess some people may turn out to be infertile or have low libido or at least differing libido.

Another advantage of sex before marriage is in theory, you should get better at it with experience. On the con side, it becomes more routine with practice too. And a last one is rushing into marriage because of overall mutual desire to have sex.

I had sex before marriage. I did so because I wanted to and my partner did.

However, the advantages of waiting include:
- lower probability of sexual diseases
- less comparison with other people.

Also, for some it takes years to find the right spouse and they would rather just have sex with a boyfriend until they are sure he is "the one".

Sure and quite frankly some people enjoy having sex without being tied down. 

[curiousgirl]

Ricky, as I mentioned earlier, "I had been so brainwashed as a Christian that I still thought that being a subservient housewife was the best thing in God's eyes."

I said "women" in an earlier post because we were talking about women earlier.

Anyway, I respect your opinions. However, I am confused as to whether you are being inquisitive or contrary. I mean no offense with that comment. However, I am trying to figure out exactly where this conversation is going.