Author Topic: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL  (Read 2478 times)

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Offline screwtape

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #29 on: January 14, 2012, 08:25:01 AM »
on:bread:alone

can you talk a little bit about what happened?  Raymond was a young guy.  If he had medical problems, he didn't talk about them.  So this is an unexpected shock.  It would help us wrap our heads around it better if we knew the circumstances.
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Offline Gnu Ordure

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #30 on: January 14, 2012, 11:59:43 AM »
This is a shock. Thank you for taking the time to tell us, on:bread:alone.
 

I got to know Brian pretty well, chatting behind the scenes. Behind the jokes and the anger he had a big heart. He was really sweet to me when my mother died last year. Let me post what he said to me then:

Quote
Condolences Gnu. Sincerely.

It's a cliche, but it's true - it's only hard on the people left behind. Your mother meanwhile, is free of pain, fear, sadness, and regret. Those things can never touch her again.

Also, it may be of some comfort to acknowledge the fact that while her individual ego might be gone in the sense of being physically manifest, I'm willing to bet you can play out entire speculative and accurate conversations with her in your head if you knew her well. And even her physical essence will always be a part of the same universe as yours. Plus, you simply being here is an extension of her legacy.

As much as possible, try to focus on celebrating the life she lived and the things she taught you; the memories of the good times you spent together and the person she was... It's easy to lose yourself in that sense of loss. It's as natural as death itself. And grieving is a neccesary process, I think. But as natural as it is - it happens to every single thing that has ever, or will ever live - There are probably a thousand things about her to smile about that are far more worthy of your thoughts and energy than the tears shed in her absence.

And remember, at the end of the day, she's still there for you - as long as you can keep her memory alive, and allow the person you knew her to be to exist freely in your thoughts. As long as you draw breath, that will be there.

She had a good long life. Longer than most... And based on the Gnu I know, I'm sure she was proud of the son she raised.  ;)

We should all be so lucky my friend.   :)


Right back at ya, bro.

I remember I responded by rebuking him:
Quote
Ray. You made a whole post, consisting of many sentences, and several paragraphs... without a single joke. Or irony. Most unlike you. I'm seriously disappointed.

No, I'm not - I'm touched. Thank you. I won't attempt to reply to what you said, because it's now 3:00 am, and time for sleep
To which he replied:
Quote
It's from the heart man. I respect the hell out of you.

And I haven't BEGUN to touch you yet, you sexy wildabeast.  ;) 

Have a good night, Gnu.

I hope you have a good night too, Brian. A song from your favourite band:

In a churchyard by a river,
Lazing in the haze of midday,
Laughing in the grasses and the graze.
Yellow bird, you are not lonely
In singing and in flying on,
In laughing and in leaving.

Willow weeping in the water,
Waving to the river daughters,
Swaying in the ripples and the reeds.
On a trip to Cirrus Minor,
Saw a crater in the sun
A thousand miles of moonlight later.



« Last Edit: January 14, 2012, 01:14:31 PM by Gnu Ordure »

Offline Alzael

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #31 on: January 14, 2012, 02:38:08 PM »
This is news that is decidedly unpleasant to hear.

The forum will be much the worse without him around and his engaging dialogue. I liked him quite a bit.

You and his family have my sincerest condolences.
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Offline Agamemnon

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #32 on: January 16, 2012, 01:44:03 AM »
Wow. I've not been on here in months and this is the first thread I've read.

There was never a dull moment when he was around and I enjoyed his posts tremendously.
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Offline on:bread:alone

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #33 on: January 19, 2012, 07:57:02 PM »
you guys will have to forgive me for not pulling quotes and all that. since his passing, i've sort of been on autopilot. someone brought up the question as to what exactly happened... i'm still not really comfortable divulging too much of his personal life, primarily because it's not my place, and also because i wouldn't want to blemish his character in the eyes of those who might not understand.

the official cause of death was dehydration, and he died by aspiration as a result. the tox report came back negative, and the "drugs" the cops found in his home were multivitamins and echinecea that i had given him when he started feeling ill. ultimately, brian wasn't taking very good care of himself, and certain other factors were, in his weakened condition, a burden his body couldn't bear. there is going to be a service for him saturday... unfortunately it's a catholic service, as his family is irish catholic (i'm sure he'd be fairly upset about this, but he loved his family dearly... and he would know that funerals are more for the bereaved than the deceased). afterwards there'll be an irish wake... which is a pleasant way of saying everyone will be off to drown their sorrows mutually.

his family has decided, in accordance with what he had expressed his last wishes to be many times, to have him cremated and to commit his mortal remains to the cliffs of moore in ireland. his father has expressed interest in finishing his book, and myself and the other musicians we've worked with have been talking about finishing his album... provided it would do him justice.

again, thank you all for your thoughts and your support. he loved each of you in his own way (and what he said about your mother's passing... dude... that brought me to tears). this forum was as important to brian as he was to each of you, and you should all know that your debates and your banter not only helped to hone his skills as a gifted writer, but also brought him a great deal of joy. he and i spent countless hours talking about conversations he'd had with each of you, and he is also the reason i joined this forum however many years ago.

thanks again guys. and although he might have been a little miffed about it, i've always loved this picture of him... and i feel you all deserve to be able to put a face to the name.



apparently i'm having an issue figuring out how to embed a fucking image. i'm not computer smart. =(
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Offline Emily

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #34 on: January 19, 2012, 08:20:07 PM »
Thanks for sharing the information, on:bread:alone. As you have read Brian was an important part of this forum. 

apparently i'm having an issue figuring out how to embed a fucking image. i'm not computer smart. =(

The image isn't view able to us. The best course of action I can think of is to post it on a place like photobucket and link it from there.[1]
 1. only because the photo of him needs to be uploaded to a server to view
« Last Edit: January 19, 2012, 08:25:29 PM by Emily »
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Offline on:bread:alone

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #35 on: January 19, 2012, 08:37:42 PM »


Brian P. Sharp
(a.k.a. Raymond K. Hessel)
3.30.80 : 1.9.12

Rest in Peace

edit: thanks emily
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Offline jetson

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #36 on: January 19, 2012, 09:05:13 PM »
Thank you for sharing on:bread:alone

I'm sure this has been very hard for you, but you truly did the right thing by letting us know.  Without you, Brian would have disappeared, never to be heard from again for us.  He will be remembered here, and truly missed by many of the members who got to know him.

I hope that if any of his writing gets completed, we can have an opportunity to read it!

Thanks again.

Offline kin hell

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #37 on: January 19, 2012, 10:59:08 PM »
thanks o:b:a

amazing how impact-full the picture is

Sharp by name sharp by nature
and can you not just see the skewering intelligence in the man's eyes?

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Offline jetson

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #38 on: January 20, 2012, 12:02:55 AM »
Shit, I just realized how young he was.   :(

Offline Dante

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #39 on: January 20, 2012, 01:39:09 AM »
While I don't pretend to be the thinker nor the writer Brian was, I thank you from the bottom of my atheist heart for being enough of a friend to him to share with us his demise.

For realz.
Actually it doesn't. One could conceivably be all-powerful but not exceptionally intelligent.

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #40 on: January 20, 2012, 02:26:25 AM »
Seriously thanks for sharing this.  I know that if I were to go there'd be no one to alert the folks that know me solely through social media.  I don't think it would even occur to a lot of people...which is too bad.  RKH is a good example of how someone can affect you via text alone.  And as someone who was occasionally beat up for posting hip hop tracks in the what are you listening to now thread, he was an invaluable alie.  He was someone who realized how damn hard it is to put down a hip hop track.  I know that will seem like a small thing but at the time, that meant a lot to me.

Like everyone else, I'll miss his rants but I just wanted to share what will affect me the most personally.  Long story short, he will be seriously missed.

As the 5 percenters say,

Rest in power, Raymond K Hessel



Peace
pero ya tu sabes...

Offline JL

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #41 on: January 20, 2012, 02:36:24 AM »
thanks o:b:a

amazing how impact-full the picture is

Sharp by name sharp by nature
and can you not just see the skewering intelligence in the man's eyes?

Ditto that ^^ and he is good looking too. Still missing his posts... :'(
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Offline Ivellios

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #42 on: January 20, 2012, 08:57:28 AM »
<snip>

Thanks. It is good to be able to put a face and a real name to his username. There's only 1 person I know that knows I visit these forums from time to time, but if anything were to happen to me, they wouldn't know my username to do the service of letting the good people here know.

I really really miss his rants. Those are master pieces. His rants over theist idiocy often brought tears to my eyes because I would laugh so hard.

"Herp a derp!"  :laugh:

...

 :(

He'll live forever in the hearts of those that remember him.

Online One Above All

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #43 on: January 20, 2012, 09:03:13 AM »
thanks o:b:a

amazing how impact-full the picture is

Sharp by name sharp by nature
and can you not just see the skewering intelligence in the man's eyes?

Ditto that ^^ and he is good looking too. Still missing his posts... :'(

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Offline velkyn

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #44 on: January 20, 2012, 09:51:44 AM »
thanks OBA.  and woo, Brian was one handsome dude.   :)
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Offline screwtape

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #45 on: January 20, 2012, 10:44:47 AM »
Thanks, bread.



apparently i'm having an issue figuring out how to embed a fucking image. i'm not computer smart. =(

when you make a post, right below the text box where you type it says "Attachments and other options".  click that. you can attach the photo there, provided it is below 200kb.  It will not show it, but it can be opened. To embed it is somewhat more complicated than I want to type.


edit - never mind.  Thanks for the pic.
« Last Edit: January 20, 2012, 04:46:46 PM by screwtape »
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Offline Irish

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #46 on: January 20, 2012, 04:12:12 PM »
For some reason I just found this thread.  I'm like most others that are in shock of his passing.  He more than once brought tears to my eyes because I laughed so hard at a post of his.  Drinks were also spewed from nostrils.  My most memorable rant from him was directed toward DaveDave.

RIP, RKH.
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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #47 on: January 22, 2012, 07:20:25 PM »
Bye Ray-Ray:

You were hotter than a pistol (in words and in looks)  and wise beyond your years. I will miss your rants and comments mightily. :'(
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Offline Gnu Ordure

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #48 on: January 22, 2012, 08:15:50 PM »
O:B:A, thanks again for updating us.

I'm pleased that Brian's words to me in my time of grief touched you, (well, not pleased, exactly, but I hope you know what I mean).


More of Brian's favourite band, because sometimes pure music says more than words...

... and this is most appropriate, The Great Gig In The Sky...



I do have some words, though...

I was driving to work the other day, and I was fantasizing that this was all a bad joke - maybe OBA is really Brian, and he's not dead at all. I imagined him posting some post-modern explanation, and then I vividly fantasized my reaction - I'd be mightily pissed at him, but then I would immediately forgive him, because I'd be sooo fucking happy that he was alive.

Fantasies are comforting, while they last.

I enjoyed my fantasy for about 45 seconds; I was driving my car, happy and smiling, in pure denial, enjoying the feeling of Brian being alive; until a little voice suggested that actually, Brian didn't do bad jokes - his jokes were quality jokes, we all know that - so perhaps I was merely grasping at straws?

The little voice was quite right.
« Last Edit: January 22, 2012, 09:29:37 PM by Gnu Ordure »

Offline kin hell

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #49 on: January 22, 2012, 10:07:55 PM »


... and this is most appropriate, The Great Gig In The Sky...

The Great Gig in the Sky     long time favourite here too.......


Quote
I do have some words, though...

I was driving to work the other day, and I was fantasizing that this was all a bad joke - maybe OBA is really Brian, and he's not dead at all. I imagined him posting some post-modern explanation, and then I vividly fantasized my reaction - I'd be mightily pissed at him, but then I would immediately forgive him, because I'd be sooo fucking happy that he was alive.

Fantasies are comforting, while they last.

I enjoyed my fantasy for about 45 seconds; I was driving my car, happy and smiling, in pure denial, enjoying the feeling of Brian being alive; until a little voice suggested that actually, Brian didn't do bad jokes - his jokes were quality jokes, we all know that - so perhaps I was merely grasping at straws?

The little voice was quite right.

Ditto
when I first read this OP my auto cynic bs detector redlined at total bs.  For many twisted reasons + personal desire...........

Then I thought about Brian (or Ray as I knew him then) and reasonably quickly realised, it just wasn't his style, plus as a one-off gag, it was a complete failure on all sorts of levels.

Even an "after 3 days resurrection" would/could only be a fail given the nature of his relationships here.

So I realised (as much as I didn't want to) Ray must've kicked off into non-existance   
and hopefully the transition  was as gentle as possible for him

So Gnu I too am aware of a desire to be shown that it is a hoax.
I cannot say I would be as quickly forgiving, in fact I would no doubt feel obliged to extract some sort of re-balance, but I recognise even thinking about how pissed off I would be is the exact self serving fantasy you describe above namely of living a little longer in a world with Brian in it.

As an added note re: Brains sudden/mysterious death

There is very very very little that Brian might have been, or might have been into, (apart from harming others ..which was just not in Brians book) that I (or any rational humanist here ) would give the slightest shit about, and the tyranny of web distance means that I (and the rest of us) couldn't even have a remote chance of being there to help.
Ha! still as selfish as ever.......





« Last Edit: January 22, 2012, 10:10:26 PM by kin hell »
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Offline screwtape

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #50 on: January 23, 2012, 02:42:08 PM »
... and this is most appropriate, The Great Gig In The Sky...

He LOVED Pink Floyd.

Quote
I was driving to work the other day, and I was fantasizing that this was all a bad joke - maybe OBA is really Brian, and he's not dead at all. I imagined him posting some post-modern explanation, and then I vividly fantasized my reaction - I'd be mightily pissed at him, but then I would immediately forgive him, because I'd be sooo fucking happy that he was alive.

When I was a senior in high school two of my close friends died.  For a while I would have dreams about them.  I would be at my locker and they would be there and I would be so happy to see them.  I'd ask what the heck happened?  I'd tell them I'd heard they'd died.  And they would laugh, like it was a joke.  And for just a little while I'd enjoy being with them again. 

But the dream did not last for very long.  Soon I could feel my mind being pushed aside by reality and I would realize, this was a dream, they were dead, I wouldn't see them or laugh with them anymore.

I kind of like those dreams because they are momentary escapes where I get to see people I miss.  But coming back to reality.  Fuck. I hate it.

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Offline jetson

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #51 on: January 23, 2012, 05:18:49 PM »

 [snip] 

But coming back to reality.  f**k. I hate it.


That photo of Brian made it worse for me - briefly.  But then I saw him, and it all came together, who he was, and I could see mannersims and facial expressions in my mind.  I made him up on the spot, based on the picture and his writing.  He had an attitude in his writing, and I'm almost certain it matched him as a person.

Offline on:bread:alone

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #52 on: January 23, 2012, 08:02:33 PM »
again, i'm not gonna use the quote tool (i'm such a rebel)... primarily because the last few posts all lead to my response... about this being a bad joke (don't get your hopes up... it's not).

but, just to illustrate how close we were (and now that i'm in a slightly better place and i can talk about it without getting all watery... which is due largely to the consumption of VAST amounts of alcohol on an immaculately consistent basis since his service saturday)... (should said alcohol wear off anytime in the conceding months, i may find that this isn't such a better place at all, and may continue to become considerably MORE cantankerous, self-destructive, and unpredictable... and given my existing nature, that's probably not a good idea), but the day after i found out brian was dead, i called him... not because i thought it was a joke or anything, but because brian and i were so close that it was just second nature to call him up and gossip like little girls about whatever was impacting my life at the time.

i'm unstable (i get it)... brian, being the good friend that he was, talked me through several suicide attempts (one of which i have a charming little antecdote and a shotgun shell that he gave me to go with, but maybe another time) , three traumatic relationships (one twice over), and a heroin addiction (which involved locking me in his bedroom for four days and sliding candy bars and cigarettes under the door). for all intents and purposes, we were like fucking ozzy and harriet, only without the hot mormon sex. i coooked, i cleaned, and i drove his car. he floated the bill at nice places, bailed me out of jail,  and taught me to have a sincere appreciation for fine wines and liquors. i've known him since somewhere around sixteen... give or take a year. we met in a recording studio. i had some pot (and i'm pretty & narcissistic), and he had a pipe (and so is he), and everything after that is musical history.

i'm sharing this with you guys because,... well, you were his friends. his service was saturday. like i said, it was a catholic service (and hoorah, i didn't spontaneously combust upon walking in... further proof that god doesn't exist, and if he does, he's certainly not paying attention), and afterwards was an irish wake at a local pub that we both loved. i had to make a speech... which sucked, cause unlike him i have a terrible fear of microphones (which is how i justify my stage fright). there was a slideshow and his family was very, very kind. a mutual friend did a painting (from that same picture i posted) of brian as a paladin, which he totally would have loved.

it still hasn't fully resonated (or resinated, whichever is more appropriate) with me that brian is gone, but i will say this: i am who i am today because i knew him. again man, you guys are the best. thank you thank you THANK YOU for all the nice things you said about my buddy. i wish he could read that shit... but i guess the closest any of us would come to something like that is if we were printed as ingredients on worm food. or compost.

i'll post that portrait of him... just not right now. i'm a little inebriated (oh, alcohol and honesty have such a beautiful relationship). so ... so yeah.
i'm a street-walking cheetah with a heart full of napalm.

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Offline on:bread:alone

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #53 on: January 23, 2012, 08:04:06 PM »

That photo of Brian made it worse for me - briefly.  But then I saw him, and it all came together, who he was, and I could see mannersims and facial expressions in my mind.  I made him up on the spot, based on the picture and his writing.  He had an attitude in his writing, and I'm almost certain it matched him as a person.

i have no doubt that you nailed it. btw, do you live in england? one of you does.
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Offline on:bread:alone

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #54 on: January 23, 2012, 08:09:32 PM »

Brian didn't do bad jokes - his jokes were quality jokes, we all know that -

just not here. to give you all an idea, and i'm sure you'd have figured it out on your own from his utterly meticulous grammatic superiority, brian literally spent hours on what he would post here. there were a few times in particular that i'd be at his house, and four or five hours would go by where he'd say like three or four semi-sentences because he was so intent on proofreading what he pumped into this forum. you guys meant that much (and i gotta say, i lvoe you all for the tyhings you've said in this thread... you guys are awesome).

...(here i am using the quote tool... i'm a damn dirty liar)
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Offline jetson

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #55 on: January 23, 2012, 08:16:18 PM »

That photo of Brian made it worse for me - briefly.  But then I saw him, and it all came together, who he was, and I could see mannersims and facial expressions in my mind.  I made him up on the spot, based on the picture and his writing.  He had an attitude in his writing, and I'm almost certain it matched him as a person.

i have no doubt that you nailed it. btw, do you live in england? one of you does.

I'm in Texas (a foreign Country, but not England -  ;D ).  And I have to say that I now have mixed feelings about the missed opportunity I had to meet Brian in December.  Meaning, I would be facing something a little bit different today if I had actually met him.

Sounds like you had a great friendship.  Isn't that all we really have?

Offline wright

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #56 on: January 23, 2012, 08:53:12 PM »
Only just now found this thread. I will miss him too, for his wit and precise language.

Thanks for what you've shared, on:bread:alone, and my sympathies for your loss. Thanks also to the others who have put some metaphorical flesh on Ray's posts.
Live a good life... If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I am not afraid.
--Marcus Aurelius

Offline Gnu Ordure

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Re: A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL
« Reply #57 on: January 23, 2012, 09:35:21 PM »
Screwtape:
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He LOVED Pink Floyd.
I remember when he said:
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Hmm. I never thought of Dark Side Of The Moon as sad. More like somber. Either way, to me, it's morphine for the soul.

Abbey Road was great, but I'd take Floyd any day over pretty much anything. Greatest music in the history of music, in my humble musician's opinion.  :P
He expressed the same sentiment elsewhere in more graphic terms:
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If I ever find out a Christian has exploited Pink Floyd for Jebus, I will personally skull f**k every single theist on the planet while their children watch.  >:(

 
O:B:A:
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btw, do you live in england? one of you does.
Yeah, I'm English; I remember Brian calling me a lucky bastard for having seen Floyd a couple of times in England in the early Seventies (ten years before he was born, strange to think). And then he accused me of gloating about it, which was entirely correct:
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Oh, come on Gnu. Don't GLOAT about it man. That ain't cool! In a righteous world, everybody would have an opportunity to see Floyd in their prime. It's like laughing at a starving child while eating a 32 oz. Porterhouse.

Yeah. You know what? It's *EXACTLY* like that. So does it make you feel like a BIG man, to know that there are starving kids ALL over the world, Gnu? Huh? I bet it does.

I bet you send copies of "Walker's Digest" to quadrapalegics too, don't you? You sick bastard. I bet you make prank phonecalls and go "Is your refridgerator running?" and when they say "Yes" you say "Well at least SOMETHING in that house is!!! YOU SUCK CRIPPLE!" and hang up the phone, don't you?

You don't even have to say it. I can see it in your alphabet.

I've lost a lot of respect for you this day, sir. Shame on you.  :( 

Great, great stuff.
« Last Edit: January 23, 2012, 09:37:38 PM by Gnu Ordure »