Author Topic: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?  (Read 1019 times)

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Offline Samothec

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You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« on: December 31, 2011, 05:53:39 PM »
Suppose you are made god for a day ala the movie "Bruce Almighty" ignoring the good stuff you would do (already have a thread for that) do you pull any practical jokes?

I'd make the communion wafers and wine turn into real flesh and blood once it is in their mouths. Those who ate and drank (rather than spitting it out) would get an ecstatic feeling suffusing them that lasts for a few minutes.
Faith must trample under foot all reason, sense, and understanding. - Martin Luther

Offline One Above All

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2011, 05:55:56 PM »
I think viruses are already the greatest prank anyone can pull.

On the other hand, I would probably leave this planet and go live somewhere in the depths of space, whilst keeping all my powers (simply because I could; I'd be omnipotent, after all).
The truth is absolute. Life forms are specks of specks (...) of specks of dust in the universe.
Why settle for normal, when you can be so much more? Why settle for something, when you can have everything?
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Offline Brakeman

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2011, 06:18:07 PM »
Nah I'd fake a wrestling match in the form of Godzilla vs Mothra, between (me) God and Satan, with 500 ft tall versions of us. I would have Satan win even though god would try and cheat by grabbing the red horned devil by the balls.

Then I'd surrender and formally sign over all of the souls of mankind to satan while the cameras rolled.

That would be funny.
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Offline MadBunny

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2011, 06:36:08 PM »
I would reshape the moon into the form of a Cuttlefish and make all the farm animals in the world start praying to the moon-god in perfectly understandable [insert local language here].



Also Pigeons can heal amputees, cancer, old age, or anything really, by pooping on them.

Just before my day was up, I would have all the children in the world stop and announce  'Torchwood style' "we will return in 1,000 years, prepare for us."  Then I'd leave a 2001 style monolith in every country, but with Bruce Lee engraved on the side.

Give a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a night.  Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Offline kin hell

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #4 on: December 31, 2011, 09:11:27 PM »
....have people change colour everytime they practise deceit.

A different colour for different intentions.
"...but on a lighter note, demons were driven from a pig today in Gloucester."  Bill Bailey

all edits are for spelling or grammar unless specified otherwise

Offline monkeymind

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #5 on: December 31, 2011, 09:35:41 PM »
I'd make circles square.
Truthfinder:the birds adapt and change through million of years in order to survive ,is that science, then cats should evolve also wings to better catch the birds
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Offline Nick

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #6 on: December 31, 2011, 10:08:00 PM »
I'd cure an amputee. ;)
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

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Offline Samothec

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #7 on: December 31, 2011, 10:08:49 PM »
I'd make circles square.

Uh?  :o   Would every circle mutate until it was a square?


I'd cure an amputee. ;)

Just 1? Would you do it in a fun way like taking the limb from some self-righteous person?  :D
« Last Edit: December 31, 2011, 10:11:34 PM by Samothec »
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Offline Sonshein

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #8 on: January 01, 2012, 11:16:11 AM »
I'd do some really crazy stuff, not expected of a God:
Change the laws of physics so no one is ever killed by Tsunamis, Volcanoes, or Floods.
I'd make sure genetics insured we simply self-limited the population to keep it at the "correct level" (which I would know of course).
I'd give mankind more choices than just heaven or hell.
I wouldn't allow disease, rape, mutilation or murder.

Boy - I guess I'd make a really crummy god.

Offline MadBunny

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #9 on: January 01, 2012, 03:55:19 PM »
I'd make sure genetics insured we simply self-limited the population to keep it at the "correct level" (which I would know of course).
I'd give mankind more choices than just heaven or hell.

Best thing I've seen yet.
Give a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a night.  Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Offline free

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #10 on: January 01, 2012, 05:25:45 PM »
Speak to all major religious leaders.  Say "I'm not real, you've wasted your life."

Offline Samothec

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #11 on: January 01, 2012, 10:58:02 PM »
I'd do some really crazy stuff, not expected of a God:
Change the laws of physics so no one is ever killed by Tsunamis, Volcanoes, or Floods.
I'd make sure genetics insured we simply self-limited the population to keep it at the "correct level" (which I would know of course).
I'd give mankind more choices than just heaven or hell.
I wouldn't allow disease, rape, mutilation or murder.

Boy - I guess I'd make a really crummy god.

Welcome
Good choices if you are permanently god - you might want to look at this thread:
"What if you are God?"

No one has posted in it since I killed it on Dec 17th, er, um, no I didn't kill it, really, um, well, not intentionally.  :-[   But you still might like to read it. Or see if you can resurrect it? Your choice.

I've enjoyed all the posts so far and I return to see if they are as good the next day - for maybe something special.
« Last Edit: January 01, 2012, 11:04:20 PM by Samothec »
Faith must trample under foot all reason, sense, and understanding. - Martin Luther

Offline Brakeman

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #12 on: January 01, 2012, 11:17:31 PM »
I wondered why "god" didn't make our minds store in static memory so that after someone's death, a new person could just download all of that persons mind and memories and add it to their own. This would dynamically increase mankind's knowledge and empathy and would be a vast improvement over what we have now. Why was god so blind as not to see this? Why can't we share our souls?
Help find the cure for FUNDAMENTIA !

Offline bosey926

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #13 on: January 01, 2012, 11:19:48 PM »
     Ohhhhhh fooooo shoooo!  I would definitely be giving myself a better more omnipotent and omniscient sexual organ than as simply inferred in the bible.  I mean really morons from a few thousand years ago; the best you can think of is the same penis, testicles, and wrinkled up scrotum that gets chafed every time a man participates in anything??? 
     My SHIT?  Oh...that would be some form of hybrid between homo sapien man and woman, and something our infantile minds can't even comprehend!  If I even thought of an orgasm, my junk would have the ability to ripple the same feeling to any organism faster than instantly throughout all of existence.

Offline Astreja

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #14 on: January 02, 2012, 01:15:42 AM »
Practical jokes? Já, I'm in.

Two words:  Sentient mayonnaise.   ;D
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Offline MadBunny

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #15 on: January 02, 2012, 01:18:01 AM »
Practical jokes? Já, I'm in.

Two words:  Sentient mayonnaise.   ;D

How would that work? 
Would it be like Solaris?
Give a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a night.  Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Offline Samothec

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #16 on: January 02, 2012, 01:26:39 AM »
Practical jokes? Já, I'm in.

Two words:  Sentient mayonnaise.   ;D

So deviled eggs would really be deviled?      :angel:


bosey926 - um, slightly confusing but I think you're saying you'd have everyone orgasm when you do? Yes, no, maybe?
« Last Edit: January 02, 2012, 01:28:31 AM by Samothec »
Faith must trample under foot all reason, sense, and understanding. - Martin Luther

Offline Mr. Blackwell

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #17 on: January 02, 2012, 02:19:11 AM »
I would create a universe using a highly complex system of physics. Within this universe, I would design life to slowly mutate and evolve and expand upon itself to eventually create creatures capable of contemplating all the complexities of life. Then I would pop up from time to time in different forms and impregnate a few of the women. Then I would sit back, out of sight, for a few thousand years and watch the drama unfold.

So what if it's already been done...don't judge me!
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Offline Samothec

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #18 on: January 02, 2012, 02:42:11 AM »
I would create a universe using a highly complex system of physics. Within this universe, I would design life to slowly mutate and evolve and expand upon itself to eventually create creatures capable of contemplating all the complexities of life. Then I would pop up from time to time in different forms and impregnate a few of the women. Then I would sit back, out of sight, for a few thousand years and watch the drama unfold.

So what if it's already been done...don't judge me!

So a rerun? Or an homage? Let's find out: Would you also be a deadbeat dad? Would you plant a book that told a version of events inconsistant with the evidence at hand? Would you do a shitload of miracles (to make the book a better sell) then sit around doing nothing the rest of the time?     8)
Faith must trample under foot all reason, sense, and understanding. - Martin Luther

Offline Mr. Blackwell

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #19 on: January 02, 2012, 03:15:45 AM »
So a rerun? Or an homage? Let's find out: Would you also be a deadbeat dad? Would you plant a book that told a version of events inconsistant with the evidence at hand? Would you do a shitload of miracles (to make the book a better sell) then sit around doing nothing the rest of the time?     8)

More of an homage. I wouldn't have to plant the book at all. Most stories are passed down from oral tradition.

I had an out of body experience once[1] whereupon I sat at the center of time/space...the throne of God. Moments a billion years apart were inseparable from each other. From that perch I came to understand that illusion is reality is an allusion to the fact that we are God.

As soon as I understood who we are I began laughing. It felt so good, I had a screaming orgasm. Then I slowly came back into my body. It was in an apartment and there were 4 other people in the room looking at me in wild eyed amazement.

We did this to ourselves and we are incapable of anything different. The joke is that we keep trying to change that which cannot be changed, human nature.
 1. Triggered by LSD
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Offline Samothec

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #20 on: January 02, 2012, 03:23:00 AM »
^^^  LOL

I hesitate to ask - did you really scream and orgasm in front of the other people?


I vaguely remember a dream where I and someone else were travelling along and met Death and someone/thing else and we traded roles for a bit - so I was Death for a while.
Faith must trample under foot all reason, sense, and understanding. - Martin Luther

Offline Mr. Blackwell

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #21 on: January 02, 2012, 03:31:32 AM »
^^^  LOL

I hesitate to ask - did you really scream and orgasm in front of the other people?



Yes...yes I did.

More on this later, maybe in another thread...gotta go get some beddie bye time.  :)
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Offline bosey926

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #22 on: January 03, 2012, 01:47:56 PM »
<snip>
bosey926 - um, slightly confusing but I think you're saying you'd have everyone orgasm when you do? Yes, no, maybe?
     Definitely would be part of my sexual omnipotence.  Yahweh/God/Allah can't let us know where he's hanging out and what's going; you know, to offer some form of proof of his great existence...my solution to that (if I were the creator) would be to instantly have everyone in existence shoot their load. 
     Guy on the construction site with the jackhammer thinking about fantasy football, the architect designing a new setup for the art museum, lame loner dude sitting in his cubicle already starting to rub one out and simultaneously praying to his god that this will get him through the day; then simultaneously across the Earth...everyone has a wet mid-day dream.   ;D

Offline Astreja

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #23 on: January 03, 2012, 11:16:20 PM »
Two words:  Sentient mayonnaise.

How would that work?

Well, I envision it animating various foodstuffs, causing mayhem at fast food joints worldwide and perhaps indulging in some industrial espionage by sneaking out of the paper bag in the lunchroom fridge.
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Offline Historicity

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #24 on: January 04, 2012, 11:14:34 AM »
To permanently mess with historians forever I'd plant artifacts from unknown civilizations.

Not outer space, hyper advanced stuff.  That would be explainable.  Not modern stuff found in ancient sites.  Time travelers or modern intrusions would explain that.  I'd litter WW2 and WW1 battlefields with flint arrowheads and bronze short swords. Some re-excavated skeletons of WW2 fatalities would show the knife marks around the skull from scalping.  An sunken ship would be raised which would be an oaken sailing ship with Nazi regalia, torpedoes, rifles and cannon.  Nazi and American matchlock muskets would abound and flintlock pistols.

Some of this would be new discoveries and a lot would be found already in military museums tho no one had noticed it there.

All of this despite that veterans' memories, camera footage, documentation, manuals, newspapers, etc would contradict it all of this.

Offline Anfauglir

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #25 on: January 10, 2012, 09:55:26 AM »
As the practical joke, I'd make it so every time you said the words "amen", "bless you", or "praise him"....you would break wind loudly and pungently.  We'll soon see how many people really valued their religion, and which were just in it for the social factors.

On the trivial level, I'd have instant punishments for thoughless anti-socialism.  Like....the idiot shouting in the middle of the street at 3am would immediately lose the power of speech for 24 hours.....that sort of thing.
Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.
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Offline Ivellios

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Re: You are god for a day – do you pull any practical jokes?
« Reply #26 on: January 10, 2012, 10:40:31 PM »
Anyone that turned thier stereo up so loud to disturb others... no sound would come out of the speakers, but the person that turned it up would feel an assault unto thier bowels.

Any Christian engaging in sex, or in the shower or otherwise engaged in "private" matters. I make certain to tell them, to remind them that thier All-Loving Father is ALWAYS there, watching them.

I would cherry pick Revelation on which plagues to bring about on mankind. "Locusts"... Stars falling and a few other things, but have it only affect Christians. When they're expecting the end, I'd say, "Was that a good dress rehersal?"

So much to do, in so little time. I'ds also have a go with Muslims. Mohammed Atta comming back to tell his buddies that there were no virgins waiting for him after hitting the towers and stuff.