Author Topic: An Alternative Christian Mythology  (Read 440 times)

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Offline L6

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An Alternative Christian Mythology
« on: November 10, 2008, 08:12:44 PM »
I had the following thought from the "God Would Rape?" thread:

When you consider that Yahweh, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are the "same", you end up with absurdities like:

Yahweh fucked/cloned himself to create the Holy Spirit, which fucked Mary to create a demi-human Jesus, effectively making Jesus his own father and grandfather.

Naaah. How about this, instead:

God split into Yahweh and Satan, who both have an inflated ego and who both claim to be omnipotent, etc, but who are clearly not.

Yahweh, after being deemed a dickhead by the world, split into the Holy Spirit and Jesus, to regain the trust of humanity. Yahweh did not exist while Jesus was alive. When Jesus died, he re-combined with the Holy Spirit and Yahweh was reborn with a better attitude. Satan tried to take Jesus out during this time when Yahweh was vulnerable, but failed.

Satan, inspired by Yahweh's success, will someday also split, and his mortal form will be the Anti-Christ. Thanks to the abundance of Yahweh's followers, Yahweh will have a better opportunity to strike down the Anti-Christ than Satan had of striking down Jesus. With Satan's mortal Anti-Christ form gone, Yahweh will be easily able to take out Satan's spirit form as well. With Satan removed entirely, only Yahweh will remain, becoming God...

...who will undergo another personality change (namely, will have no personality) and just destroy the whole damned thing, restoring "God's Kingdom" into an eternal dimensionless void. :P
God's existence is contingent upon the illusion that morality is dictated by religious authority.

Offline bahramthered

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Re: An Alternative Christian Mythology
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2008, 08:06:41 AM »
I got my understanding of the trinty back in my childhood theist days from an Alien ripoff movie. The basic idea was people on a cheesy outpost fighting an alien style monster. But instead of killing some it invaded their minds and and left bits of it'sself in them to control them. Or so the resident pshyic (in the super small bikini style rags) insisted.

So I got the idea God put part of himself into a new form (the holy spirit) and sent it do something. (Just like the alien avoided the posionous gas (to him) with the coward's body and used it to vent the gas). Then the Jesus got a lot more of the god juice and was god. When he died he returned (except my movie metaphor had the alien's body die but he got to go home in the pshyic).

My pastor loved my understanding of the trinity when I explained it as pitcher of water poured into smaller containers. Till I told him where it came from. Then I was a sinner.

BTW: If anyone recongizes this movie tell me the name please. I've forgotten most of it. I just rember the alien was scary (to an 8 year old boy), the general plot and the pshyic was a blond woman (with a huge rack). I think I'd like to see it again. It'd have to be 20 years old or more... Dam when did I get old?

Offline Hermes

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Re: An Alternative Christian Mythology
« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2008, 10:04:33 AM »
The Christian mythology is about as strange as Greek, Roman, Egyptian, Babylonian, Zoroastrian, and Canaanite mythology (where much of the bulk of Christianity seems to come from).
Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons. --Michael Shermer

The history of religion is a long attempt to reconcile old custom with new reason, to find a sound theory for an absurd practice.  --Sir James George Frazer

Offline Fran

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Re: An Alternative Christian Mythology
« Reply #3 on: November 12, 2008, 01:07:15 AM »
Quote
Posted by L6  
I had the following thought from the "God Would Rape?" thread:

When you consider that Yahweh, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are the "same", you end up with absurdities like:

Yahweh f**ked/cloned himself to create the Holy Spirit, which f**ked Mary to create a demi-human Jesus, effectively making Jesus his own father and grandfather.


I don't understand your logic (but then I'm not very intelligent).  Specifically, it seems to me that you are engaging in "non-sequitur" and/or "strawmen".

Of course, you didn't set up your argument like a true logical syllogism with two premises, so it makes your conclusion that much more difficult to understand (follow) from the one premise you do provide.  But anyway, I'll give a try and understand your reasoning.

You set up the premise:
Yahweh, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are the "same"

From the above premise you then somehow conclude:
Yahweh f**ked/cloned himself to create the Holy Spirit, which f**ked Mary to create a demi-human Jesus, effectively making Jesus his own father and grandfather.

I accept your above premise, but I don't think your conclusion follows, because as far as the Bible teaches (which is what you are critiquing after all), you are forgetting a second critical premise.

You're assuming that Jesus and the Holy Spirit came AFTER Yahweh.  Nothing could be further from what the Bible teaches.  It is true they are the same, but it is equally true (per the Bible) that all have always existed together at the same time.  One never came after the other.  They have always existed together.

When we include that 2nd critical premise (from the Bible), then you can see that your conclusion does not follow from the one premise you do provide.  Because your syllogism is incomplete.

You're also engaging in a strawman to suggest that Jesus did not exist until Mary was overshadowed by the Holy Spirit to create a "demi-human Jesus".  But it is taught and believed... again per the Bible... that the birth of Jesus is when the spirit of Jesus (who always existed) is taking on a physical, biological body (house/container/etc) by which to reside in while here on earth.

See, to me, you've assumed that the biological birth of Jesus here on earth MUST MEAN that Jesus did not exist until at the time of his biological birth.  Now, to a strict materialist, that would be true because they don't believe there is a spirit that resides in the human body.  But in fact, we are after all examing your critique of what you think the Bible teaches.  And in that regard your misunderstanding of what the Bible teaches has led you to engage in a strawman when we see that you assume that there is no spirit of Jesus that could have existed before the earthly body of Jesus was born.

Now, I think part of the problem you're having is understanding the words "Father/Son" in regards to how they are being applied to the trinity as taught in the Bible.  The concept of "father" and "son" is denoting the RELATIONSHIP or STANDING each have with the other.  It is not trying to teach that the "father" gave birth to the "son" as we biological beings here on earth are accustomed to understanding those words because of our physical nature.   

We could go thru the rest of your post, but I think this is good for starters.
« Last Edit: November 12, 2008, 09:49:01 AM by Fran »

Offline L6

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Re: An Alternative Christian Mythology
« Reply #4 on: November 12, 2008, 01:19:39 PM »
This thread is not about the trinity nor is it about my intepretation of the trinity. It is merely a pointless offering of an alternative Christianity mythology that I made up in light of the common absurdities that result when people talk about the trinity. Lighten up.
God's existence is contingent upon the illusion that morality is dictated by religious authority.

Offline I KILLED JEBUS

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Re: An Alternative Christian Mythology
« Reply #5 on: November 12, 2008, 08:43:30 PM »
an ageless god who re-populated the earth twice,smited people down at whim (but has not done so in 2000 years) just goes to show you how stupid people really are
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Offline nihilanth

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Re: An Alternative Christian Mythology
« Reply #6 on: November 12, 2008, 08:46:37 PM »
an ageless god who re-populated the earth twice,smited people down at whim (but has not done so in 2000 years) just goes to show you how stupid people really are

Really now?

Let's see, a God where time means nothing could have done anything along the timeline in the exact way He wanted to. Also, after Christ's resurection, there is no need. All you need to know is in Christs teachings.

You can't prove it either way so you have to make a choice.