Author Topic: Five New Books I'm Racing Through  (Read 950 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline bosey926

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1039
  • Darwins +8/-1
  • Gender: Male
Five New Books I'm Racing Through
« on: December 28, 2011, 12:05:24 PM »
     The first isn't new; just the first of the two.  It is Bill Maher's New Rules: Polite Musings From A Timid Observer.  Let me tell you, if you want to laugh get this book.  Here is a sample:
Booze Clues New Rule: You don't need to study malt liquor.  A groundbreaking study found that malt liquor usually comes in a bigger bottle, has more alcohol than regular beer, and is largely a drink of the homeless and unemployed--all facts people learn after their first date with Tara Reid.  Let me save you guys some time: Jagermeister and Mad Dog 20/20 aren't varieties of Pinot, either.
<--------Tears of laughter and not even the best.
     Obviously I am on to the second version, Bill Maher's The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.  This one is even better.  I can't even get through a paragraph without bursting out loud and my brother asking "Dude, what the hell is so funny?"  A sample:
Hype-Ochondria New Rule: Drug companies have to stop making up diseases.  I don't know what the terrorists are planning next for America, but if I had every problem they talk about in medicine commercials--breathing, lifting, walking, sitting, sleeping, crapping, not crapping, getting a boner, and male pattern menopause--I'd welcome death.  Bring it on.  Deadly nerve gas?  Please, I've got seasonal allergies!
     It seems like every time I turn on the TV these days I see some ad for some drug I never heard of to treat some disease I never heard of.  That's not a stomachache you have from eating chili-cheese fries at Johnny Rockets, it's irritable bowel syndrome, or IBS.  Or, as I call it, BS.  Which would also apply to the dreaded social anxiety disorder, or, as we used to call it, shyness--and we treated it with an old home remedy: scotch and water.
     Your wife doesn't get turned on?  It couldn't be because your a snowman-shaped sausage casing so full of beer you sweat hops.  It's because she has female sexual dysfunction.  And before they came up with restless leg syndrome, did it even exist?  Did you ever hear someone say, "Sorry I couldn't make the party, Bill, the old restless leg was acting up."? 
     I'm waiting for the ad that tells me my morning hard-on is actually superfluous rigidity syndrome, or SRS, and has a cartoon bunny who says, "Are you bothered by morning stiffness?  Try flaccidix.  Flaccidix is specially formulated to make your penis shiny and more manageable.  Side effects?  You bleed from you pores, then explode and die.  And/or dry mouth."
<-----I was literally on the floor laughing in tears when I read that to my brother.

     Number three is the new UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) Encyclopedia.  Provides pictures, records, and a brief history of all of the fighter ever to fight in the organization.  It also tells the laymen where the sport came from and what the MMA sport has become today.

     Four: Firearms: The Illustrated Guide To Small Arms Of The World.  This is also a pictorial guide/brief history/engineering behind some of the most monumental weapons in our short history as a species, and an even shorter history for firearms.  It also goes from your most known examples like the M1911 .45 cal, the Mauser, and the Kentucky Long Rifle, to old a new firearms you've never heard of; such as the Objective Individual Combat Weapon (OICW).

     Last I obtained a book titled The Native American Experience by Jay Wertz.  I haven't read but a few paragraphs so far, but the impression I've drawn is that it is an extremely detailed cultural history of the large Native American tribes.  Going from the theories on how Natives first arrived in the Americas, to common cultural practices, farming, the wars, and then in to the life in reservations.  Feels like a great read.