Greetings, Lance's here. I love God and God loves you. Questions?

[Alzael]

Because he doesn't have the faintest idea of what is in there. I'll bet if you asked him he couldn't actually tell you who Lucifer is.

@Lance: Who is Lucifer in the Bible?[1]

1.	I gotta entertain myself before I go to school, am I right?

50 quatloos says he messes it up.

[Lance]

Lucifer is a hot sexy female with a hot ass LOL jk. actually, Lucifer was one of teh preimmenent of angels in heaven. He was almost close to being God. God created Him to be his right hand man but was kicked out because he rebelled thus evil was born

[One Above All]

50 quatloos says he messes it up.

That's not really a fair bet. Who would bet against that?

actually, Lucifer was one of teh preimmenent of angels in heaven. He was almost close to being God. God created Him to be his right hand man but was kicked out because he rebelled thus evil was born

Well, this is unexpected. 

[Alzael]

Lucifer is a hot sexy female with a hot ass LOL jk. actually, Lucifer was one of teh preimmenent of angels in heaven. He was almost close to being God. God created Him to be his right hand man but was kicked out because he rebelled thus evil was born

BOOYAH! I just got me 50 quatloos! Pay up, Lucy!

Lance.....no. Not only are you absolutely wrong, if you had ever even picked up the bible once and read it you would know how much of a fool you  just made of yourself. Lucifer is not an angel in the bible. He was a king of Babylon. The names of Lucifer and Satan have managed to become interchanged throughout the years because few Christians bother to actually read their own holy book.

However had you actually read it even once you would know this is absolutely wrong.

Massive fail on your part. But I got me some Quatloos!!!!

[One Above All]

BOOYAH! I just got me 50 quatloos! Pay up, Lucy!

I never agreed to the bet, therefore your request is moot.

Lance.....no. Not only are you absolutely wrong, if you had ever even picked up the bible once and read it you would know how much of a fool you  just made of yourself. Lucifer is not an angel in the bible. He was a king of Babylon. The names of Lucifer and Satan have managed to become interchanged throughout the years because few Christians bother to actually read their own holy book.

However had you actually read it even once you would know this is absolutely wrong.

Lucifer is also used for Jesus himself somewhere in there, according to Wikipedia.

[Alzael]

Lucifer is also used for Jesus himself somewhere in there, according to Wikipedia.

Yes, there is that too. But there it's used as a title and not a name.

[One Above All]

Lucifer is also used for Jesus himself somewhere in there, according to Wikipedia.

Yes, there is that too. But there it's used as a title and not a name.

I doubt that the king was called "Lightbringer"; pretty sure it was a title there too.

[Lance]

LUCIFER is Satan and he was one of the top angels of heaven. Aside from God, I think only Michael surpasses Lucifer in power and might. That's why God wants Him back to rightouseness and he get Satan back to good side. YEAH!

anyway folks i gotta go it's almost 430pm over here and i will see u all tomorow @ 8am. Take care and God bless. Merry Christmas!

[One Above All]

<snip lies>

<snip stuff I don't care about>

Lance, why do you lie? I would call this "lack of knowledge", but now it's been pointed out that you're wrong.
Either you're lying about reading our posts or you're lying about what you're saying. However, it really doesn't matter - you're lying to us. I really have a problem with that. Care to try again?

[Alzael]

LUCIFER is Satan and he was one of the top angels of heaven. Aside from God, I think only Michael surpasses Lucifer in power and might. That's why God wants Him back to rightouseness and he get Satan back to good side. YEAH!

anyway folks i gotta go it's almost 430pm over here and i will see u all tomorow @ 8am. Take care and God bless. Merry Christmas!

Let's go to the Catholic Encyclopedia!

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/09410a.htm

"The name Lucifer originally denotes the planet Venus, emphasizing its brilliance. The Vulgate employs the word also for "the light of the morning" (Job 11:17), "the signs of the zodiac" (Job 38:32), and "the aurora" (Psalm 109:3). Metaphorically, the word is applied to the King of Babylon (Isaiah 14:12) as preeminent among the princes of his time; to the high priest Simon son of Onias (Ecclesiasticus 50:6), for his surpassing virtue, to the glory of heaven (Apocalypse 2:28), by reason of its excellency; finally to Jesus Christ himself (2 Peter 1:19; Apocalypse 22:16; the "Exultet" of Holy Saturday) the true light of our spiritual life. "

And Wikipedia!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucifer

"The Vulgate (Latin) version of the Christian Bible used the word "lucifer" (with lower-case initial) twice to refer to the Morning Star: once in 2 Peter 1:19 to translate the Greek word ???????? (ph?sphoros), a word, from ??? (ph?s) meaning "light" and ???? (pher??) meaning "to carry", that has the same meaning of Light-Bringer that the Latin word has, and once in Isaiah 14:12 to translate the Hebrew word ???? (Hêl?l).[21] In the latter passage the title of "Morning Star" is given to the tyrannous Babylonian king, who the prophet says is destined to fall. This passage was later applied to the prince of the demons, and so the name "Lucifer" came to be used outside the Bible for the devil, and was popularized in works such as Dante Alighieri's Inferno and John Milton's Paradise Lost, but for English speakers the greatest influence has been its use in the King James Version of Isa 14:12 to translate the Hebrew word ????, which more modern English versions render as "Morning Star" or "Day Star". A similar passage in Ezekiel 28:11–19 regarding the "king of Tyre" was also applied to the devil, contributing to the traditional picture of the fallen angel.

The Vulgate translation uses "lucifer" (Morning Star) twice to translate words in the Book of Job that meant something different: once to represent the word "???"[22] (which instead means "morning") in Job 11:17, and once for the word "?????" (usually taken to mean "the constellations") in Job 38:32. The same Latin word appears also in the Vulgate version of Psalms 110:3, where the original has "????" (dawn, the same word as in Isaiah 14:12).

The Vulgate did not use the Latin word lucifer to represent the two references to the Morning Star in the Book of Revelation . In both cases the original Greek text uses a circumlocution instead of the single word "????????", and a corresponding circumlocution is used in the Latin. Thus "stella matutina" is used for "? ????? ? ???????" in Revelation 2:28, which promises the Morning Star to those who persevere, and for "? ????? ? ???????" (or, according to some manuscripts, "? ????? ? ????????") in Revelation 22:16, where Jesus calls himself "the bright morning star"."

The information age is kind of a bitch, isn't it Lance. You have to try real hard to lie or to stay ignorant. Fortunately you do a very good job of both.

[Alzael]

So, we've established that Lance is a liar, that he's never once read the bible, and that he actually doesn't even know what's written in the bible in even the vaguest of senses.

And keep in mind, people, he's the one who's here to answer all of our questions about god.

[One Above All]

So, we've established that Lance is a liar, that he's never once read the bible, and that he actually doesn't even know what's written in the bible in even the vaguest of senses.

And keep in mind, people, he's the one who's here to answer all of our questions about god.

God needs to send some better people.
Preferably who tell the truth and have actually read the Bible.

[Klokinator]

Aside from God, I think only Michael surpasses Lucifer in power and might.

Just feel like pointing out that nowhere in the bible does it say how powerful Satan is. He's JUST an angel that rebelled, so technically he's equal to all other angels, and inferior to Michael and God. This all is irrelevant if you realize the bible is just a good storybook.

[hickdive]

I'm still bothered by that bear thing. Why wouldn't jesus use magic in a bear fight when he's done all that walking on water, calming storms, turning water into wine etc?

Looks to me like the bible claims Jesus does have magical powers but Lance denies this.

Jesus, being god and all, has already done the trick with those lions so why not with a bear?

A disinterested observer might come to the conclusion that the bible was a bunch of fairy stories and not very good ones at that.

[Ambassador Pony]

@ AMbassador: Hate is the last thing on my mind. why do you belittle my God to fighting bears? I think you have more hate than me. 

This thread is for asking questions about your magic sky friend. I want to know if you magic sky friend, without his magic powers, can defeat a grizzly bear.

Ok. There can be a lead pipe behind the bear that jesus might be able to get to if he can somehow get past the angry bear. Who would win?

[Ambassador Pony]

I'm still bothered by that bear thing. Why wouldn't jesus use magic in a bear fight when he's done all that walking on water, calming storms, turning water into wine etc?

Well I want to be scientific here. In order to get an idea of Lance's invisible friend's physical capabalities and cunning, his magic powers need to be factored out. I know he has the killer instinct, that much is clear in Lance's special storybook.

Is it possible Lance thinks jesus would lose and he wuvsss his magic sky friend so much, that he could not admit that the bear would win? I'm not certain, that is pure speculation. I am hoping, Lance can drop the misogeny and self-focus to answer a few questions about his magic friend.

[hickdive]

Well I want to be scientific here. In order to get an idea of Lance's invisible friend's physical capabalities and cunning, his magic powers need to be factored out. I know he has the killer instinct, that much is clear in Lance's special storybook.

If jesus doesn't have any super powers or declines to use them then why bother worshipping him?

If jesus manages to whup the bear using ordinary human strength and cunning then why bother worshipping him? You might as well worship Chuck Norris.

Mind you, I suppose with jesus being from the USA and all, he'll have a gun and could just shoot the bear. In which case why don't we just worship people with guns?

Anyway, I wouldn't like to be accused of hate so I'll just pause (do you see what I did there?) at this point to mention that I am an ursophile (no, not in that sense though).

[One Above All]

More questions:
If you love God and God loves us... isn't that polygamy?
Does God love you back?
If not, are you jealous that God loves us but not you?
Since 50% of the world's population is male, does that mean that God is bisexual?

[jtk73]

@monkeymind by becoming an ambassador yourself and you will gain the wisdom to discern the good from the bad. don't trust these religious people they are corrrupted. tehre's a lot of them these days. all u need is ur faith alone and God will be your preacher. the only trusted preacher.

I am an ambassador for god. God told me that he LOVES corn dogs with LOTS of mustard. He also told me that he likes porn and that I should enjoy as much of it as I can. Oh yeah, god is a meth head too.
By your logic, I or anyone else can simply say they are an ambassador for god (as long as they have faith that they are an ambassador for god and have faith that they are receiving this god's "wisdom") and make up ANYTHING they care to about this god and NO ONE (even another "ambassador" for god) can refute their claims.
Do you not see how ludicrous this is?

my life is with reality when i met God because it's the truth unlike you're life where it's been lead by other's invention and thus a mere consequence of another consequence. ever wonder why you go to work everyday? when you know God you know the purpose of everythign thus know the TRUTH - it's the ultimate freedom. Liberating in way. Money is nothing!

How do you know that it was god? How do you know that it was not Satan trying to mislead you? How do you know that it wasn't some other powerful entity purposely misleading, testing or experimenting with you?
You have no way of knowing for certain. So why would you not treat it with at least an ounce of skepticism?
How do you even know that you "met" god? Did you cream your shorts? Lose control of you bladder? Did your eyes bulge out of their sockets to the sound of an old car horn like in the cartoons?

[velkyn]

Holy shit! it's lucifer run for your lives..hehe jk bro. anyway, God will heal amputees if they have faith.

anymore questions

so, You are aruging that no one in the history of the world who was an amputee has had faith.  I'd love to watch you go to a VA hospital and say that in their amputation wards.  But as must Christians, you would be too much of a coward to do so since it would show your claim to be a pathetic lie.   

It's always so sad to watch Christians attack each other with their vain claims of being the only TrueChristians^tm and denigrating faith left and right.

[ParkingPlaces]

Lance is just another example of a "christian" who is very busy distorting the already erroneous story to make sense to him.  We call is SPAG, but I've finally figured out why folks do it. They want the world to be the way they hope it is, and they act as if they're right.

Needless to say, a bunch of people acting in accordance with their individual fantasies cannot form too efficient a working society.

Lance, no two christians who show up here are ever in agreement about what christianity is. Each, including yourself, has customized the crap out of it. Is there any particular reason we should be impressed with any of them, let alone you?

We atheists seldom have questions about god. He doesn't exist. Our questions are about those who think he does. That all you can do is parrot your own version of his words and intentions does not impress.

[RaymondKHessel]

LUCIFER is Satan and he was one of the top angels of heaven. Aside from God, I think only Michael surpasses Lucifer in power and might. That's why God wants Him back to rightouseness and he get Satan back to good side. YEAH!

anyway folks i gotta go it's almost 430pm over here and i will see u all tomorow @ 8am. Take care and God bless. Merry Christmas!

Lol... They really need to make trading cards or something, so we can keep track of the different super-beings and their respective power levels.

Like


Name:Lucifer
Aka:Satan, Belzebub, Mephistopholes, Lord of Flies, Ol' Scrotch
Height:8'6
Weight:650 lbs
Eyes:Red
Hair:None
Age:3,000
Rank:Incarnation of Evil; Fallen Angel
Weapon Specializations: NATO M16A1 ASSAULT RIFLE, BERETTA 9MM, M249 SAW, STANDARD ISSUE FRAGMENTATION GRENADE
Powers:Can slow or stop time, shape-change, fly, shoot fireballs, lift 5 buses. Posseses 8 thorny cocks for mass saaaahdamy.
Likes: Big Butts
Dislikes: Gawd



Name:Michael
Aka:Archangel Michael, Mike, Mikey, the Mikester
Height:5'3
Weight:140 lbs
Eyes:Blue
Hair:Aryan Blonde
Age:As old as the stars in teh sky!
Rank:Head angel, super special all around magical guy
Weapon Specializations: Flaming Sword, Ninja Throwing Stars, X-35 Airsoft Rifle, Semi-Auto Paintball Gun
Powers:Can reverse time, change OTHER people's shapes, float, fly, levitate, transmutate, shoot iceballs from his buttocks, lift 10 buses. Anatomically incorrect.
Likes: Loincloths, dude-thongs, Dancing With The Stars
Dislikes: Bad icky evil stuff that is not good, plus whatever Gawd dislikes at the moment.


Name:Yahweh
Aka:Jehovah, Allah, God, Lord, Lordy, G-D,
Height:515'7
Weight:0 lbs
Eyes:All the colors of the rainbow
Hair:"Like wool" when incarnated into a 160 lb meat bag, apparently
Age:OLDER THAN THE OLDEST THING EVAH!
Rank:Divine a**hole, malicious super-powered space elf
Weapon Specializations: Lightning bolts, Raining Fire, Plagues, Earthquakes, Floods, M72 Grenade Launcher
Powers:EH CAN DO ANYFING!
Likes: Smitings, Foreskins, Needlessly Complicating s**t, Writing Really Boring Literature
Dislikes: Er... Pretty much everything. Especially anything fun.



This actually reminds me of a great idea I had for a 2-d fighting game, like Street Fighter II... It would be called "SUPER GOD KILLER 5" (just because sequals are kool)... And you'd pick from a list of gods to fight in a battle royale to the death... Like you could do Jesus Vs. Buddha, or Vishnu Vs. Allah... Each deity has their own level to fight in (like in front of the gates of hell, or in Nirvana), finishing moves, and endings (like if Satan wins the game, you see Heaven burnt to cinders with angel parts everywhere)...

You can imagine how cool the special moves would be. I'd make a million off this game, I swear. Just wish I knew someone who could program that sort of thing. 

[ParkingPlaces]

Imagine what Lance would pay for one of those cards.

If it was signed...

[RaymondKHessel]

^^^^

L.

O.

L.

 

[Hatter23]

Lance, can you show your belief to be distinguishable from Native talking about their volcano god?

(1)Define God. Do not use weasel words or circular definitions.
(2)Prove that that definition is not a logical paradox
(3)Show proof that differs from the other ten thousand dieties man
has worshipped, again without committing a logical error

Until you do those three things....your worship of that deity is the intellectual equivalent a gibbering tribal primitive bowing before their god, UGABUGA.

[Alzael]

Lol... They really need to make trading cards or something, so we can keep track of the different super-beings and their respective power levels.

Like


Name:Lucifer
Aka:Satan, Belzebub, Mephistopholes, Lord of Flies, Ol' Scrotch
Height:8'6
Weight:650 lbs
Eyes:Red
Hair:None
Age:3,000
Rank:Incarnation of Evil; Fallen Angel
Weapon Specializations: NATO M16A1 ASSAULT RIFLE, BERETTA 9MM, M249 SAW, STANDARD ISSUE FRAGMENTATION GRENADE
Powers:Can slow or stop time, shape-change, fly, shoot fireballs, lift 5 buses. Posseses 8 thorny cocks for mass saaaahdamy.
Likes: Big Butts
Dislikes: Gawd

You forgot to mention that this Satan is TIM FUCKING CURRY! The power level has already well exceeded NINE THOOOOOUUUUUUSAND!

This actually reminds me of a great idea I had for a 2-d fighting game, like Street Fighter II... It would be called "SUPER GOD KILLER 5" (just because sequals are kool)... And you'd pick from a list of gods to fight in a battle royale to the death... Like you could do Jesus Vs. Buddha, or Vishnu Vs. Allah... Each deity has their own level to fight in (like in front of the gates of hell, or in Nirvana), finishing moves, and endings (like if Satan wins the game, you see Heaven burnt to cinders with angel parts everywhere)...

Already exists. http://www.gamesforwork.com/games/play-7688-Faith_Fighter-Flash_Game There are actually quite a few others online as well.

[JeffPT]

Per your request, I am re-posting this here. 

People, the best way to understand God is to know Him that he is jus like us except He's perfect - He's pure in all righteousness and LOVE. But he has feelings too. So think of Him this way and you'll know what I mean. Cheers!

You need to define this God character of yours a bit more fully, Lance.  Aside from this nebulous word... perfect... In what ways is he different from just being you?  Is He omnipotent? Omniscient? Omnibenevolent?  Do you ever disagree with what God does or says?   What does "perfect" mean to you, and what happens when my definition of "perfect" is different than yours?  Who's definition of "perfect" are we to use?  God's?  And what if God's definition of "perfect" is different than mine?  Am I allowed to judge Him on that basis?   

What does "He's pure in all righteousness and love" mean in English terms?  I know you probably like to write stuff like that and just bask in the beauty of the words, but what, exactly does that mean? 

And if God is just like us, then why does he let 29,000 children die every day of starvation, when he could fix that with the snap of His righteous fingers?  What feelings does God have when He watches them all die in horrible pain?

[Traveler]

So, we've established that Lance is a liar, that he's never once read the bible, and that he actually doesn't even know what's written in the bible in even the vaguest of senses.

And keep in mind, people, he's the one who's here to answer all of our questions about god.

Yup, all of that and he says he loves us, calls us "bro" and "babe", curses like a sailor ... this guy is all over the map.

[RaymondKHessel]

Already exists. http://www.gamesforwork.com/games/play-7688-Faith_Fighter-Flash_Game There are actually quite a few others online as well.

Ahhhahahaha! That's awesome!

Pretty much what I had in mind! Only my version had at least 14 playable characters (Gotta have Odin, Ra, Satan, and Mars in there, among others...), and the all important fatalities and unique endings... Plus my version would be infinitely more offensive in general. 

What does "He's pure in all righteousness and love" mean in English terms?  I know you probably like to write stuff like that and just bask in the beauty of the words, but what, exactly does that mean? 

EXACTLY. That loopy-ass moon man talk drives me freaking nanners. As soon as religious types de-volve into the bible-talk bullshit, I mentally check out of the conversation.

I don't know if they're trying to sound biblical, or maybe they're just blown away when their preacher speaks that way, so they think it will have an awe-inspiring effect on others...

What I don't get, is how they never stop to *listen* to themselves. I'd be really freaking embarassed if I caught myself spouting that kind of utterly meaningless gibberish.  You'd think, at some point, they'd stop and go "Holy s**t! The stuff I'm saying... It doesn't actually amount to *meaning* anything! I'm just making word salad!"