...if you cant understand the simple fact of Gods grace....
Rob, this "God's grace" thing is not an actual fact until you prove empirically that your god is real, and that its behaviour is in accordance with whatever you mean by "grace."
And in My opinion, a god that needs to use "grace" at all
the only thing you can do is Believe.
Belief does not appear to be a choice. At best, a non-believer can go through the motions of believing, hoping that genuine belief will somehow develop later.
However, when dealing with patently nonsensical mythologies such as Christianity, sometimes belief never comes. This has been My experience. I was exposed to Christianity at a young age, not by indoctrination but because I loved to read. By the time I was seven years old, I knew all
the major Bible stories: Adam & Eve, Noah, Abraham and Isaac, Sampson, David and Goliath, the walls of Jericho, Daniel in the lion's den, the Gospels.
They were never real to Me. Not for one moment. Despite being the proverbial blank slate, awaiting only the interest and intervention of a god, nothing happened.
By the time I was in any real danger of someone trying to convert Me to Christianity, I had already seen through the Hell myth and visualized the nature of eternal life and its inherent meaninglessness. Oh, and I just couldn't find it in Myself to have a heck of a lot of sympathy for this Jesus character, either.
Now, 47 years after your alleged god dropped the ball, I view Christianity as abhorrent and completely unacceptable. It is grossly immoral and psychologically unhealthy. I will not worship a god that would torture anyone
in hell; I will not consent to allowing anyone
to die in My place; and I have no interest in living forever.
ParkingPlaces nailed it: "...If you need a god to have a reason to live, you're doing it wrong." If you tie your entire life to a myth, it'll be the myth living your life... Not you.