Poll

Are my opinions helpful?

Yeah they really made me curious about God
1 (1.1%)
A little
6 (6.8%)
No
48 (54.5%)
Grow up God doesn't exist
30 (34.1%)
Just stfu God doesn't exist you homo just believe me already just stfu
3 (3.4%)

Total Members Voted: 85

Author Topic: To All Atheists Out There  (Read 9873 times)

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Offline Illuminatus99

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Re: To All Atheists Out There
« Reply #87 on: November 21, 2011, 04:18:50 AM »
Fifth.  Why do you think evolution requires the presence of humans to be counterbalanced by the lack of monkeys?  Even if, just for the sake of argument, humans did evolve from monkeys (which is not true; both evolved from a common ancestor), the fact of the matter is that the theory of evolution doesn't require that a daughter species supplant its parent.  The short form of evolution is that an organism better-adapted to its environment is more likely to survive to reproduce than one which is not.  If both daughter and parent are adapted in different ways, both of which give a survival advantage, then both are likely to survive and prosper unless they are forced to compete for limited food resources.  Then, perhaps, one would supplant the other, if its survival advantage were enough greater to give it a clear edge over the other.  And that doesn't necessarily mean that the daughter species will supplant the parent; perhaps the parent's advantage will allow it to compete for scarce resources better than the daughter's.

This one is easy. When monkeys evolved into humans, mice evolved into monkeys, lizards evolved into mice, fish evolved into lizards, and Jesus made new fish to replace the ones that evolved.

Offline nogodsforme

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Re: To All Atheists Out There
« Reply #88 on: November 21, 2011, 05:27:23 PM »
Fifth.  Why do you think evolution requires the presence of humans to be counterbalanced by the lack of monkeys?  Even if, just for the sake of argument, humans did evolve from monkeys (which is not true; both evolved from a common ancestor), the fact of the matter is that the theory of evolution doesn't require that a daughter species supplant its parent.  The short form of evolution is that an organism better-adapted to its environment is more likely to survive to reproduce than one which is not.  If both daughter and parent are adapted in different ways, both of which give a survival advantage, then both are likely to survive and prosper unless they are forced to compete for limited food resources.  Then, perhaps, one would supplant the other, if its survival advantage were enough greater to give it a clear edge over the other.  And that doesn't necessarily mean that the daughter species will supplant the parent; perhaps the parent's advantage will allow it to compete for scarce resources better than the daughter's.

This one is easy. When monkeys evolved into humans, mice evolved into monkeys, lizards evolved into mice, fish evolved into lizards, and Jesus made new fish to replace the ones that evolved.

And the mice turned into coachmen and the pumpkin turned into a beautiful, if unaerodynamic coach. bippity boppity boo!
Extraordinary claims of the bible don't even have ordinary evidence.

Kids aren't paying attention most of the time in science classes so it seems silly to get worked up over ID being taught in schools.

Offline Steveox

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Re: To All Atheists Out There
« Reply #89 on: January 11, 2012, 05:14:08 AM »
God doesnt excist,,Cause if he does dont you think my prayers would been answered? It says in the bible whatever you pray for in my name you shall receive it. Some of the prayers are private and importaint to me. Never got answered   :(

Offline Jake

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Re: To All Atheists Out There
« Reply #90 on: March 04, 2012, 09:52:57 PM »
Poll Comment of Mine:  :o Someone ACTUALLY voted the most negative option!?

Hopefully my 30-minutes-of-thinking-up-a-title title brought interest :)

This post will be of my pure opinion, please no hate or anything like "Stfu God doesn't exist" or anything like "Dude, just grow up, God doesn't exist. Period." (Christians are pretty offended by Athiests saying "GOD DOESNT EXIST HAHAHAHA:  :'( ) or anything that does not show any evidence on why you don't believe in God. Thanks :D

Anyways, let's go with the FAQ about God.

If we must.   


FAQ:

Q: Who is God?
A: He is the Creator of everything, his son is Jesus and his mother is Mary. I think...

I prefer Ralphonzo Delichenzo Ferdinando Apropos "Captain Stupendous" Pope Poo, who is the third cousin of Super Mario and also happens to be pansexual.    Really pansexual.    As in 'don't leave that Ralphonzo alone with anything, ever' pansexual.      He's got a problem, don't judge him.



Q: Who created God?
A: Good question, but no one created God, not even God himself. He is the Uncreated Creator, that's why he has no appearance :D

The correct answer is:  me.   I did it.    I was bored.    Not my proudest moment.    Don't you hate it when pranks get out of hand?     I've learned my lesson though.    I forgive me.



Q: Is the bible true?
A: I'm pretty sure it's 100% true. Besides, I heard that scientists heard Egypt in the bible, so he started finding it, and they found it :D (I think they found more ancient cities found in the bible)

I heard that if you crush Fruity Pebbles into powder and mix that powder with bird milk, you create a paste that, if spread on your big toes, will let you run at the speed of light. 



Q: Why is there an old testament?
A: I skipped that part due to its history. (me dunt liek history  >:( ) It shows on what happened in the past, and it happened before Jesus came. So basically it was created by God for Jews.

Oh, you silly, it wasn't created by god for jews; it was created by Ralphonzo because he's SHY.     He's very humble, Ralphonzo is, so he wrote it while trying to give all the glory to someone else.   Or blame someone else for his incompetence.   Never can be sure with that rascally Ralphonzo...


Q: Why God doesn't show himself to us?
A: If your talking about God The Father, he doesn't have an appearance. If your talking about Jesus, its because it's not in his plan, or some other reason that doesn't waste his time (sorry if i offend you  :-X )

Smells like a conspiracy to me.   Maybe if we get some mirrors and some fruity pebble/bird milk paste and lure god out using it as bait, we can look BEHIND god and see if he's REALLY invisible...or if he's just frontally invisible!  YEAH!


Q: I saw these miracles and they said God did it. Are they true?
A: It really depends, some are and some are not.  The false ones are just to bring attention, period. The true ones, however, are kind of hard to believe. But very few have enough proof to be real and from God.

I see miracles all the time.   Just find 34th street and it's like, miracles ever day, all day.    Can't hardly walk down 34th street without getting bumped by a miracle, tripping over a miracle, falling down a manhole and landing on a miracle.    Crazy ol' world, right?


Q: Why doesn't God help us?
A: You are dead wrong. God DOES help us, just indirectly. Let's say this: A bear was peacefully eating blueberries, until 2 hunters came and is aiming at the bear with guns. You saw them, and wanted to help the bear, so you chop a tree down blocking the hunters sight and letting the bear live and run away from the hunters. It's like that, he indirectly helps us.

So, wait; god's out in the woods cutting down trees to save bears?    That is SO COOL!   


Q: Why God doesn't answer our prayers?
A: He does, but indirectly. Like if you wanted to be guided to a town while it's midnight and your lost in a forest. God will send a light bug or something and it will lead you to a town. It's like that. But most of the time he doesn't answer our prayers. If we tell him "Please answer this prayer", what does he have to say? Nothing. If you tell him a prayer like "Today was really great", he won't answer because he has nothing to say.


So, I hate to rain on the joy parade here (I was really getting into it too :(  ), but what about all the people that die horribly or get raped and murdered and, y'know, all this other absolutely horrible stuff that we can bet at least some of them were praying to be spared/saved/rescued/etcetera from?       And what happens if two people are fighting and they're both praying for victory?

I'm losing my faith here a little.   These are haarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd!


Q: Is Jesus really the son of God?
A: Yes, he said that A MILLION TIMES (expression). He did miracles, but are they true? Look to the next question!

I don't know if I can.   That last question made me SUPER SAD!   :( :( :(


Q: Are Jesus' miracles true?
A: Many do not believe Jesus' miracles because it's too hard to believe. Our minds are basic, only designed for free will.

I bet it's like history.    Stupid history and miracles being hard to believe and other hard things being hard.


Q: Why is there suffering in the world?
A: We do many bad things, and we really arn't supposed to avoid the sufferings. Jesus has a plan that no one can understand. There are reasons why there are suffering in this world, maybe because we sinned way too much, or maybe so they can believe in Jesus, I don't even know.

Ralphonzo is a jerkass sometimes.   Seriously, sometimes he's all "I want that baby to die in a tornado, ahahahaha!" and then it happens.   And sometimes he's all "You look like you could use some CANCER, nice lady that never did anything wrong to anybody, ahahahaha!"      And other times he's all "Aww, look at these people, all hungry.   NO FOOD FOR YOU, AHAHAHAHA!"

Seriously, Ralphonzo's a real dick from time to time.    It's pretty easy to understand though; he's completely and absolutely insane.    He does nice things with the same random (yet cleverly inscrutible!) commonality.     You never know with Ralphonzo!  (Oh man, that's soo coooooool that that rhymed...)


Q: Why is there evil in the world?
A: Ahhh, something so I can really express my opinion to others! The Devil (Satan) does not bring evil to the world, but us.
Once, Adam and Eve had a peaceful life, everything was perfect, they also did not eat meat (it explains how Adam died in in the age of 821 or something). But, they ate the fruit of the Knowledge, which gave us a taste of what is good and bad. They only ate a bite, not a whole, so this bite from Adam and Eve... Changed our world, forever.  God then punished them, then their children sinned, and their grandchildren sinned, and so on. BUT, some people did not sin (Noah, for example). We cause evil, because we cause sins to others. For example; We steal, the one who got stolen does revenge; Someone murders, someone avenges the one who got murdered by killing; Someone died, someone goes nuts.

WRONG!    Ralphonzo did it, but he blamed them for it and then kicked them out because he really just wanted them gone so he could have his neato garden all to himself again, but he's a passive-aggressive little turd sometimes (oh that rascally Ralphonzo!) and made up all this garbage to convince them it was their fault.      He's really a jerkwad sometimes, isn't he?


Q: Why did the flood occured during Noah's time?
A: Noah was the only good person (literally) in the whole world. God The Father wanted to wipe out all the humans except Noah and his family and animals. Why did God did this? Imagine your friend kicking you and stealing your stuff, and the murdering you in a night. Scary huh? Yeah, they were that bad. So God told Noah to make an ark and gather all the animals and stuff.


Oh you silly, this isn't true!     This is what happens when Ralphonzo goes on a bender and passes out in the tub with the water running.    The only reason humanity survived is 'cause Ralphonzo woke up in time to shut the water off.   


Q: Did God really create the Earth in seven days?
A: Yes, he did. Some people said it took billions of years, there wrong. Changing and creating is completely different. It took billions of years to change the Earth, it only took 7 days to create the Earth. You heard of the Big Bang? If true, the Big Bang lasted 0.0000000001 millisecond (Or something). Then God merged rocks and put magma in it, then let it rotate to a sun at the perfect distance, then God changed the world so we humans can live.

Now you're just being goofy.   Ralphonzo created the earth out of earwax and hired some alchemists to transmute it all into other things, but they weren't perfect and so we still get earwax in our ears, just like Ralphonzo.   


Q: Why in the old testament it says that those who sinned must be put to death?
A: There's a reason why it's called the Old Testament, can't you read the Table of Contents in the Bible?
We all deserve to be put to death, but God gave us another chance by sending Jesus and he died for our sins.

Ralphonzo would like for you to know that he wrote the table of contents...wrong.  On purpose.   OH THAT RASCALLY RALPHONZO!



Q: When will be the end of the world?
A: Even Jesus doesn't even know when the world will end. God The Father has all knowledge (obvious), and there in the bible Jesus said his last words: My God My God, Why have you forsaken me?

Ralphonzo plans on devouring the world just as soon as he remembers to create an appropriate world-devouring sauce to go with it.    He's already got the perfect vintage of Whine, so it could be ANY MOMENT NOW!   



Q: When I told God I want something, why didn't he gave me the gift?
A: If you asked for him like "I want to kill everyone!" that's an obvious no. If you asked him like "I want a desktop!" he'll give you a better gift. If you asked him like "I want money!" then he'll say no because there's no reason for God to give you money, just for your greed. If you asked him with a reason like "I want money so I can feed my family!" He'll send someone or something that is unexpected and give you some money. If you ask him something impossible like "I want a farm in our desert!" He'll give you something better because the impossible is limited in our minds.

Ralphonzo would like for you to know that people are always asking him for things, but he's pretty sure that giving people a hard time is better than they deserve.     If you've ever had, have or know someone that's ever had a hard time...voila, proof of Ralphonzo.   



Q: Why are you doing this?
A: I was so frustrated that you all don't believe in God. So I came here, and wanted to show you guys this.

I can understand your frustration.   Ralphonzo thinks you're a tool though.     He's kind've a jerkwad, but, supreme being, whaddya do?    He's now being all "I take bigger shits than this kid!   Why I oughta...oughta...oh hey, look at what I can do!   TEENAGE MUTANT PLANCK SCALE TORTOISES ARE NOW WHAT REALITY IS MADE OUT OF, AHAHAHAHA!"

Such a rascal, that Ralphonzo!



Q: Why God hides himself?
A: I don't know. But it's part of his plan, many are really curious about this. But in my opinion, read this: Let's say I'm God (for example). I created you all, and then many of you don't believe in me. I'm kind of angry, and I see you guys turn evil very slowly, but in heaven 1000 years in Earth if a day in heaven, so I see you guys change a lot. But all of you wanted to see me, I refuse because that is not in my plan. It will waste my time, I don't have the time to do something so pathetic. (Sorry if I offend you  :( )

Oh, you're so silly!     Ralphonzo isn't hidden at all.   You just really suck at hide and seek.    Everyone sucks at hide and seek, apparently.      It has been privately revealed to me that if we all weren't such dumbshits, we'd just scoot over to the Andromeda galaxy and, voila, there we'd find Ralphonzo having a giant party all the time with people that are cooler than us.

A party to which we clearly weren't invited, which is why we're over here, sucking at everything, including hide and seek.   



Q: Why do you believe in God?
A: 1: I don't want to go to Hell. 2: Just to be safe. 3: I just do. 4: It's my life. 5: He cheers me up.

Ralphonzo doesn't believe in your god, but he does believe in Star Wars.    He's not sure why.   He hates Star Wars in fact, but he believes in it anyway.   Speculates that it's to spite himself.   




Q: (by someone who asked me a question in my intro thread) How do I know my particular version of religion is the OneTrueChristian?
A: The bible brings true christians. Edited Bibles are not. If you are a Christian, you may want to read The New Testament to know Jesus' teachings well, in my deep honest opinion. You can skip the old testament, which is old.... And a testament... And is old...


Ralphonzo approves of this message...at least, the part with the elipses...he likes elipses...but he won't...say...why...


---
Now, that was quite a long FAQ, I might add more if anyone has any more questions by replying :)

Anyways, let's start with my facts on why all this life is NOT an accident. (in my opinion)


Ralphonzo is eager to hear what you said eternity ago!    He's omnipresent and omniscient, you see, so he knew this in all tenses already.


1: If the Big Bang created the universe, what were the chemicals that caused it? And what created those chemicals that caused the Big Bang? And what created those chemicals that created those chemicals that created the Big Bang? (ect ect)

Ralphonzo thinks you ask stupid questions and should, instead, be wondering what you're going to do about that thing that's going to happen to you...soon.    That terrible thing that he won't reveal to me that if ONLY you'd known about, you could have avoided and gotten the appropriate treatment for.   

Now he's playing Jazz Hands in the mirror.    That rascally Ralphonzo!


2: Why is the universe followed by laws. Such as gravity, ect ect.

There is no gravity.    That's just a byproduct of party ball rotation.   Ralphonzo won't specify what the party ball is or where it is or anything else though.



3: Where did water come from? How was it created? (in space)

Ralphonzo has privately revealed to me that shit gets spilled at parties and we're stupid for wondering this.   



---

 
I guess that's about it. Please reply and don't hate me for this!  :police:


Note: If you ask a question that is in the FAQ I will ignore you. Please read the whole thing.

My past: (extra)
I was a nonbeliever, then when I was young I knew very little about God. But I began to understand him, and became a Christian. Even though I can't go to church, I read short bibles, and is now reading the real bible (GOLDEN PAINTED EDGES!  ;D ). I pray daily, not expecting an answer of God, because I pray summeries of my days.


RANDOMNESS:

EVOLUTION: If we came from monkeys, there's supposed to be no more monkeys. There are still monkeys. WTF?  :-\

ANGER: I'm God. I'm really angry that you don't believe in me. Your doing very evil things, I shall now kill you. :)




Ralphonzo blesses you.    That isn't necessarily a good thing.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2012, 09:54:36 PM by Jake »
"I don't respect your religious beliefs and I don't care if this offends you." - Pat Condel and myself along with him.   I do respect intelligence, rationality and logical consideration, however.    Humor's always good too.

Offline Anfauglir

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Re: To All Atheists Out There
« Reply #91 on: March 05, 2012, 09:17:47 AM »
Poll Comment of Mine:  :o Someone ACTUALLY voted the most negative option!?

Hopefully my 30-minutes-of-thinking-up-a-title title brought interest :)

This post will be of my pure opinion, please no hate or anything like "Stfu God doesn't exist" or anything like "Dude, just grow up, God doesn't exist. Period." (Christians are pretty offended by Athiests saying "GOD DOESNT EXIST HAHAHAHA:  :'( ) or anything that does not show any evidence on why you don't believe in God. Thanks :D

Anyways, let's go with the FAQ about God.

If we must.....

Actually, let's not - Jake, Avascar has not been back to the forum for over 3 months, and this thread has been inactive for nearly two months.  
Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.
Why is it so hard for believers to answer a direct question?

Offline Jake

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Re: To All Atheists Out There
« Reply #92 on: March 05, 2012, 09:54:28 AM »
Poll Comment of Mine:  :o Someone ACTUALLY voted the most negative option!?

Hopefully my 30-minutes-of-thinking-up-a-title title brought interest :)

This post will be of my pure opinion, please no hate or anything like "Stfu God doesn't exist" or anything like "Dude, just grow up, God doesn't exist. Period." (Christians are pretty offended by Athiests saying "GOD DOESNT EXIST HAHAHAHA:  :'( ) or anything that does not show any evidence on why you don't believe in God. Thanks :D

Anyways, let's go with the FAQ about God.

If we must.....

Actually, let's not - Jake, Avascar has not been back to the forum for over 3 months, and this thread has been inactive for nearly two months.  


Oh?    I didn't notice that.   Sorry for the necropost then!
"I don't respect your religious beliefs and I don't care if this offends you." - Pat Condel and myself along with him.   I do respect intelligence, rationality and logical consideration, however.    Humor's always good too.

Offline fourthdimension

Re: To All Atheists Out There
« Reply #93 on: March 08, 2012, 11:23:30 PM »
I don't have the time or the energy to reply to all the assumptions he started this thread with.  In short: My advice is too keep reading the Bible and meditating on its words.  Read for yourself and not just passages a bible study or the pastor told you to read.  Focus especially on Leviticus.  If there is any logical center and compassion for others in any part of your being, the authority of the Bible begins to dry up. 

It's kind of ironic that my Christian faith began to dry up as soon as I started reading the Bible for myself.  I think anyone seeking truth can weed the Bible out as an authority of such, by the time they get through Leviticus.  For others it only takes the first few chapters.

Offline Seppuku

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Re: To All Atheists Out There
« Reply #94 on: March 12, 2012, 08:27:28 PM »
Quote
on: April 01, 2011, 00:33:59 »

Makes you wonder if this was the OP's original intentions...
“It is difficult to understand the universe if you only study one planet” - Miyamoto Musashi
Warning: I occassionally forget to proofread my posts to spot typos or to spot poor editing.

Offline Tero

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Re: To All Atheists Out There
« Reply #95 on: March 12, 2012, 08:39:27 PM »
Sorry, this is totally boring. I just gave the simple no.

But if you folks are still seeking, by all means seek.