Author Topic: Cooking with human crap.  (Read 761 times)

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Offline freefromjesus

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Cooking with human crap.
« on: November 14, 2011, 07:26:56 PM »
I had the unfortunate experience of listening in on my Mom's daily Bible reading and found this set of verses amusing. Her and her husband are doing that "Bible in a Year" thing.
Ezekiel 4:12-15
12 Eat the food as you would a loaf of barley bread; bake it in the sight of the people, using human excrement for fuel.” 13 The LORD said, “In this way the people of Israel will eat defiled food among the nations where I will drive them.”

 14 Then I said, “Not so, Sovereign LORD! I have never defiled myself. From my youth until now I have never eaten anything found dead or torn by wild animals. No impure meat has ever entered my mouth.”

 15 “Very well,” he said, “I will let you bake your bread over cow dung instead of human excrement.” (How nice of Him)

The rest of the chapter is no better. God makes him lay on his left side for 390 days for their sins and than requires him to lay on his right side for another 40 days for some other sins. After all this is said and done, God said he'll destroy Jerusuleum and Chapter 5:10-12
10 Therefore in your midst parents will eat their children, and children will eat their parents. I will inflict punishment on you and will scatter all your survivors to the winds. 11 Therefore as surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, because you have defiled my sanctuary with all your vile images and detestable practices, I myself will shave you; I will not look on you with pity or spare you.

I'm listening to this thinking "My Mom isn't questioning any of this?" WTF!

I guess I'd like to hear a theist explain these 3 Chapters, and probably more, and show how this is nothing but the ravings of a lunatic sheep herder. There is no moral lesson to be learned from this other than don't mess with God or he'll make you cook food with your own crap and curse your city so you'll eat your kids or they'll eat you.

Offline Historicity

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2011, 07:56:49 PM »
Quote
Narrated Abu Qilaba: "Anas said, "Some people of 'Ukl or 'Uraina tribe came to Medina and its climate did not suit them. So the Prophet ordered them to go to the herd of (Milch) camels and to drink their milk and urine (as a medicine). So they went as directed and after they became healthy, they killed the shepherd of the Prophet and drove away all the camels. The news reached the Prophet early in the morning and he sent (men) in their pursuit and they were captured and brought at noon. He then ordered to cut their hands and feet (and it was done), and their eyes were branded with heated pieces of iron, They were put in 'Al-Harra' and when they asked for water, no water was given to them." Abu Qilaba said, "Those people committed theft and murder, became infidels after embracing Islam and fought against Allah and His Apostle .  (Sahih Bukhari, Ablutions (Wudu'), Volume 1, Book 4, Number 234)"

There are numerous Moslem sites that defend this, claiming that somewhere someone has proven this to be a miracle cure.



« Last Edit: November 14, 2011, 07:58:40 PM by Historicity »

Offline jtp56

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2011, 07:57:37 PM »
I'm not a theist, but, I'll explain why she does not question any of this.  If you read why in Ezekiel; it is because of their sin.  For an atheist there is no such thing as sin, there can't be, so it will be difficult for you to understand.  Your mom understands that in comparison to an Holy God, she does not want what she deserves (what they got in the First Covenant [Old Testament]), she has received the judgment of Christ.  I will post more on this in another thread.
Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

Offline freefromjesus

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2011, 08:05:36 PM »

There are numerous Moslem sites that defend this, claiming that somewhere someone has proven this to be a miracle cure.

Yummy. I guess if we want world peace, we throw a dinner for the Jews and Muslims featuring Barley cakes cooked over Abraham's crap and top it off with some Camel piss.

Offline jtp56

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2011, 09:12:49 PM »

There are numerous Moslem sites that defend this, claiming that somewhere someone has proven this to be a miracle cure.

Yummy. I guess if we want world peace, we throw a dinner for the Jews and Muslims featuring Barley cakes cooked over Abraham's crap and top it off with some Camel piss.

Not really, Muslims do not believe this, their God is distant, neither do Jews, their savior is yet to come.....Try again.

We will never, ever, ever, have world peace.  I don't care how much camel piss you drink or how much Obama apologizes for our giving billions upon billions over the years to muslim nations.  Where in Christian theology does it promise world peace?  It promises the sword!!!!!  We will always be killing each other.  A Muslim would kill you if the US was a theocracy.  You should thank God you live in a Judeo-Christian based nation.
Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

Offline Add Homonym

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2011, 09:27:30 PM »
A Muslim would kill you if the US was a theocracy.  You should thank God you live in a Judeo-Christian based nation.

Don't you mean a nation where church and state are separate? Which country do you live in? I live in Australia. How do you do?

  It promises the sword!!!!!  We will always be killing each other.

*cough* love your *cough*enemy *cough*

« Last Edit: November 14, 2011, 09:40:05 PM by Add Homonym »
Humans, in general, don't waste any opportunity to be unfathomably stupid - Dr Cynical.

Offline freefromjesus

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2011, 09:39:36 PM »

There are numerous Moslem sites that defend this, claiming that somewhere someone has proven this to be a miracle cure.

Yummy. I guess if we want world peace, we throw a dinner for the Jews and Muslims featuring Barley cakes cooked over Abraham's crap and top it off with some Camel piss.

Not really, Muslims do not believe this, their God is distant, neither do Jews, their savior is yet to come.....Try again.

We will never, ever, ever, have world peace.  I don't care how much camel piss you drink or how much Obama apologizes for our giving billions upon billions over the years to muslim nations.  Where in Christian theology does it promise world peace?  It promises the sword!!!!!  We will always be killing each other.  A Muslim would kill you if the US was a theocracy.  You should thank God you live in a Judeo-Christian based nation.

It was a joke. Y'know, sense of humor, haha, rofl. ooooookkkkkkkk.  ;)

Offline jynnan tonnix

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #7 on: November 14, 2011, 10:21:54 PM »
I've just got to wonder how a god who is outside time has a chance to get into all this bargaining. How do you have any sort of conversation at all with someone who is on a linear path in time while you are experiencing the totality of what has ever happened and ever will happen all at once? Wouldn't interaction necessitate stepping INTO time?

Offline velkyn

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #8 on: November 15, 2011, 10:25:40 AM »
"There is no use in arguing with a man who can multiply anything by the square root of minus 1" - Pirates of Venus, ERB

http://clubschadenfreude.wordpress.com/

Offline C

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #9 on: November 15, 2011, 10:29:06 AM »
^^^^ I think he really doesn't know what a theist is.
The Second C

Offline Hatter23

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #10 on: November 15, 2011, 03:26:48 PM »
I'm not a theist

So you lack a belief in god, or are too stupid to know what a dictionary is. Which is it?




An Omnipowerful God needed to sacrifice himself to himself (but only for a long weekend) in order to avert his own wrath against his own creations who he made in a manner knowing that they weren't going to live up to his standards.

And you should feel guilty for this. Give me money.

Offline nogodsforme

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #11 on: November 15, 2011, 04:44:40 PM »

There are numerous Moslem sites that defend this, claiming that somewhere someone has proven this to be a miracle cure.

Yummy. I guess if we want world peace, we throw a dinner for the Jews and Muslims featuring Barley cakes cooked over Abraham's crap and top it off with some Camel piss.

Not really, Muslims do not believe this, their God is distant, neither do Jews, their savior is yet to come.....Try again.

We will never, ever, ever, have world peace.  I don't care how much camel piss you drink or how much Obama apologizes for our giving billions upon billions over the years to muslim nations.  Where in Christian theology does it promise world peace?  It promises the sword!!!!!  We will always be killing each other.  A Muslim would kill you if the US was a theocracy.  You should thank God you live in a Judeo-Christian based nation.

Uhh, just the bit about the US giving billions to Muslim nations. The top recipient of US foreign aid money is Israel--over 3 billion a year. Israel is not exactly an Islamic country when I last checked. Israel alone gets as much from the US as all the sub-Saharan African countries combined. As for "Muslim nations", Egypt has gotten the second most US dough, to keep them from attacking--wait for it-- Israel! In a twisted way, Israel is the second beneficiary as well as the first.

Just as an aside, I do agree that it will be hard to get world peace, at least in part because the US (the number one weapons producer in the world) sells billions of dollars of arms to all the dictators and bad actors in the Muslim world. None of this started with Obama. This goes back to the end of WWII, and has to do with securing oil supplies. Surprise surprise.[1]
 1. Sadaam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, the Taliban, Pervez Musharraf, the Shah of Iran and the Saudi Royal family have all benefited from direct infusions of US money over the years.
Extraordinary claims of the bible don't even have ordinary evidence.

Kids aren't paying attention most of the time in science classes so it seems silly to get worked up over ID being taught in schools.

Offline Hatter23

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #12 on: November 15, 2011, 04:49:54 PM »
We will never, ever, ever, have world peace.

Once again bullcrap. Either human beings, eventually, will work together, or die off. Either way...peace.

An Omnipowerful God needed to sacrifice himself to himself (but only for a long weekend) in order to avert his own wrath against his own creations who he made in a manner knowing that they weren't going to live up to his standards.

And you should feel guilty for this. Give me money.

Offline Hatter23

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #13 on: November 15, 2011, 04:52:04 PM »
You should thank God you live in a Judeo-Christian based nation.

(a) Read the treaty of Tripoli as to if this is leagally true.

(b)There are lots of nations that seem to have lost their taste for such primitive superstitions, and low and behold...they are better places to live!

An Omnipowerful God needed to sacrifice himself to himself (but only for a long weekend) in order to avert his own wrath against his own creations who he made in a manner knowing that they weren't going to live up to his standards.

And you should feel guilty for this. Give me money.

Offline Nick

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #14 on: November 15, 2011, 05:42:19 PM »
I tried cooking with crap just to see how it would turn out.  It really is a good heat source but the flies are really bad and stick to the food.
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline freefromjesus

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #15 on: November 15, 2011, 06:02:18 PM »
I tried cooking with crap just to see how it would turn out.  It really is a good heat source but the flies are really bad and stick to the food.

I'm thinking the aftertaste ain't so great either.

Offline Historicity

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #16 on: November 15, 2011, 07:06:32 PM »
Kipling told a story of a British intelligence agent who went totally native in India to go totally undercover.  Part of the cover was learning to smoke cigarettes where the expensive tobacco was cut with a cheap local filler -- dried cow dung.

Offline flapdoodle64

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #17 on: November 15, 2011, 07:08:05 PM »
For years I've been saying 'this tastes like crap', little knowing that I was paraphrasing the Old Testament.

Offline Dante

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #18 on: November 15, 2011, 08:23:45 PM »
Quote from: jtp56
.  You should thank God you live in a Judeo-Christian based nation.

No. Rather, you should thank the farsighted framers of the constitution that we do not, lest your particular brand of spag be found unacceptable. Assuming, of course, that your convictions would be unwavering. Somehow, I have my doubts. Most sheep tend to follow the flock.



Actually it doesn't. One could conceivably be all-powerful but not exceptionally intelligent.

Offline nogodsforme

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #19 on: November 16, 2011, 03:59:17 PM »
You should thank God you live in a Judeo-Christian based nation.

(a) Read the treaty of Tripoli as to if this is leagally true.

(b)There are lots of nations that seem to have lost their taste for such primitive superstitions, and low and behold...they are better places to live!

What parts of the US Constitution (the actual law of the land, BTW) come from a Judeo-Christian basis? I studied political science in college and they never covered the part of the constitution that says we have to follow any particular religion. The very first addition the framers made was to specifically say that the US government will not ever establish any religion. And there is a part in there that says there will be no religious test to hold any office. Sorry, Charlie, I mean jtp56. That means no, Christianity is not necessary.

Strange how the framers did not use the bible as the basis for the laws of the land since what they really meant all along was a Judeo-Christian religious dictatorship--a theocracy, not a democracy. Ben Franklin didn't bring a bible to the convention because he had a text from James Madison saying that he was bringing one along. I'm sure the establishment clause of the first amendment was a slip of the quill pen. They meant to cross all of that out and replace it with  "look in the bible". Maybe the guys just didn't have any white-out handy.

I guess back in the 18th century they figured that in 2011 we would realize that it was a big waste of time to have all those meetings and debates over what laws to have and how to write them. All you have to do is apply the clearly-written and easily understood principles of law as outlined in the bible. Don't all constitutional or legal scholars look up stuff in the bible when they have a question about US law?
Extraordinary claims of the bible don't even have ordinary evidence.

Kids aren't paying attention most of the time in science classes so it seems silly to get worked up over ID being taught in schools.

Offline martee99

Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #20 on: December 09, 2011, 01:10:07 AM »
I'm not so sure that the "sanitized" version referred to is correct. Animal dung was a common fuel source and would not be unusual to use.

Now using human excrement as an actual ingrediant to bake your barley cakes with according to Yawhoos  instruction described in the KJV is something that poor ol' Zeke had indigestion over.

Offline kevinagain

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #21 on: December 09, 2011, 07:05:30 AM »
i worked as a commercial beekeeper for a lot of years, and used a smoker to control the bees.

dried cow dung isn't just for breakfast anymore. when you burn it in a bee smoker, it smoulders gently with the delightful aroma of old apple-flavored pipe tobacco. the bees appear to work well with it too.

just don't keep a pile of it in the back of the pickup when it rains. it reconsitutes to cow pie pretty quick.

Offline Samuelxcs

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #22 on: December 09, 2011, 07:24:30 AM »
That is not amusing (why would it be?), it is just disturbing.
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Offline Backspace

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Re: Cooking with human crap.
« Reply #23 on: December 09, 2011, 02:28:18 PM »
We will never, ever, ever, have world peace.  I don't care how much camel piss you drink or how much Obama apologizes for our giving billions upon billions over the years to muslim nations.  Where in Christian theology does it promise world peace?  It promises the sword!!!!!  We will always be killing each other.  A Muslim would kill you if the US was a theocracy.  You should thank God you live in a Judeo-Christian based nation.

jtp56, people like you are why people like me become atheists.

There is no opinion so absurd that a preacher could not express it.
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