... Masturbation Is Form Of Homosexuality

[ungod]

Aha so I can't get into Heaven because I am a wanker 

There might be an escape route. Hike thee down to the nearest Catholic church, go into the confession booth, and tell the priest all the lurid details of your wank. He will forgive you, and relive your confession in his own wank sessions, thereby saving god knows how many choir boys and Catholic orphanage inmates from molestation.

[ungod]

Aha so I can't get into Heaven because I am a wanker 

Shouldn't heaven be full of wanking? Among other pleasures?

NO WANKING! Only heterosexual missionary position sex, except for Mary, and her mother, who remain perpetual Virgins.

[Brakeman]

NO WANKING! Only heterosexual missionary position sex, except for Mary, and her mother, who remain perpetual Virgins.

Yes, but Mary's grandmother was such a slutty whore.. When is the pope gonna clean that up?

[jedweber]

Somehow, I don't see the Christian Right winning a war on masturbation...

I bet the more a guy like Mark Driscoll talks about it in church, the more his followers keep thinking about it, and eventually end up wanking to Internet porn at home. Then they probably cry and pray for forgiveness when they're done...

[Azdgari]

The most effective law for a tyranny to impose is one that people can't resist breaking.  Everyone becomes a criminal, and thus everyone legally deserves whatever the state does to them.

I'm pretty sure the same principle applies to sins in a religious-authority context.

[RaymondKHessel]

Christian Right Wing Pastor Mark Driscoll Says Masturbation Is Form Of Homosexuality

“Pastor” Mark Driscoll says that men need to stop masturbating because it’s a kind of homosexuality. In a booklet titled Porn-Again Christian: A Frank Discussion on Pornography & Masturbation for God’s Men, Driscoll of the Seattle-based Mars Hill Church says, “First, masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman.

That's the dumbest s**t I've heard in awhile. Nam mentioned it, but if you're a straight man, it's not like you're thinking of or watching video of dudes.

You're fantasizing about LADIES. How the hell is that gay?
Okay maaaaybe a chick with a dick is a little borderline, but that usually only happens when one is simply looking for anything extra freaky. And it's not like I'm eyeballin' a sister's flippity-floppity junk or nothin' for the love of estrogen!

Self love is healthy. And certainly not gay. What's gay or not is what gets you off. And as glorious as it is, I don't spend a lot of time staring at my own package going "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGHHH YEEEEAH." when I'm cranking it down. That kind of thing has nothing to do with an affinity for cockus - that's like some kind of self-infatuation gimmick.

WTF with watching yourself in the mirror!? What kind of egomaniac actually does that s**t???

Fucking weirdos. Stop getting gay over yourself and go watch two lesbian dwarves zap each other with cattle prods in a sauna. Be normal for the love of f**k!

[nogodsforme]

That does it, Ray-Ray. Off with the French maid outfit and into the shower with you, bad, bad boy! The dwarves are on the way.

[dloubet]

So we're talking auto-homosexuality?

Is that worse than homo-necro-bestiality?

[pingnak]

So wait, if they have a breakthrough with implanting animal hearts into people (and the immune/allergic response to it - they do study these things, since pig hearts would be pretty cheap compared to human ones, and you get a side of bacon along with it), would whacking off be bestiality, too?  The blood engorging that member was just through a pig's heart!  Extra unclean.

Seriously, they usually cite Genesis 38  (Onan - not the generators), but that story (if not read by a moron) is about betraying family obligations.  Pulling out so your sister in law (now wife) doesn't get knocked up, so that you and your own children will inherit.  Heck she gets knocked up pretending to be a prostitute with their dad.  The punchline at the end of the story is good.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+38&version=NIV

That's TRUE Bible morality! 

BTW, 'Pulling out' is not effective birth control, so 'god' killed Onan for the 'thought'.  So thinking about masturbation is just as bad as doing it.  Best chop your pecker off to be safe!

And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.
http://bible.cc/matthew/18-9.htm

A 'good Christian' example.
http://gawker.com/5845992/man-gouges-out-his-eyes-during-mass

[NonReligious]

Masturbation is a form of homosexuality? Really? 

Then the overwhelming majority of human beings on this planet is apparently gay. Something like over 90 percent or so!

If you follow this logic, then people must stop washing themselves immediately. When you wash yourselves, you might be touching yourselves inappropriately, and that is clearly homosexuality! 

[monkeymind]

If watching myself in the mirror wanking makes me homosexual, what does that say about God who watches over all the wankers?


http://basicenglishbible.com/revelation/22.htm
Rev 22:17:

17 And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him who gives ear, say, Come. And let him who is in need come; and let everyone desiring it take of the water of life freely.

[Nick]

I think I was gay this morning.

[Klokinator]

The spirit likes it when you come. It likes it a lot.

[One Above All]

If watching myself in the mirror wanking makes me homosexual, what does that say about God who watches over all the wankers?

Nah, see, that's metaphorical and um... it certainly doesn't mean that God is gay!

[joebbowers]

If masturbating is gay then the 90% of men who admit they masturbate must be gay. The other 10% are gay liars.

[Chronos]

Is Mark Driscoll aware of Dirty Girls Ministries?

[C]

17 And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him who gives ear, say, Come. And let him who is in need come; and let everyone desiring it take of the water of life freely.

Does..does it make your teeth whiter?

[Whateverman]

First of all, his description of masturbation (the "watching himself in the mirror" thing) is too... specific. Seems to me like "Pastor" Mark has some experience with that.

Nailed it.

[ungod]

Gordon Christopher, Pervert Baptist Minister, Caught Masturbating in Phoenix Adult Store

http://www.truecrimereport.com/2010/03/gordon_christopher_pervert_bap.php 

[magicguy]

if you went back in time and pleasured yourself would that be gay?Its you on you same as master debating!!ahhh time paradoxes!!!

[pianodwarf]

if you went back in time and pleasured yourself would that be gay?Its you on you same as master debating!!ahhh time paradoxes!!!

David Gerrold, best known for the "Trouble With Tribbles" episode of Classic Trek, wrote a time travel novel called "The Man Who Folded Himself", where the protagonist, among other things, actually does go back in time and have sex with himself, frequently.  It's a little... disturbing.

[Samothec]

Christian Right Wing Pastor Mark Driscoll Says Masturbation Is Form Of Homosexuality

“Pastor” Mark Driscoll says that men need to stop masturbating because it’s a kind of homosexuality. In a booklet titled Porn-Again Christian: A Frank Discussion on Pornography & Masturbation for God’s Men, Driscoll of the Seattle-based Mars Hill Church says, “First, masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman.

That's the dumbest s**t I've heard in awhile. Nam mentioned it, but if you're a straight man, it's not like you're thinking of or watching video of dudes.

You're fantasizing about LADIES. How the hell is that gay?
Okay maaaaybe a chick with a dick is a little borderline, but that usually only happens when one is simply looking for anything extra freaky. And it's not like I'm eyeballin' a sister's flippity-floppity junk or nothin' for the love of estrogen!

Self love is healthy. And certainly not gay. What's gay or not is what gets you off. And as glorious as it is, I don't spend a lot of time staring at my own package going "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGHHH YEEEEAH." when I'm cranking it down. That kind of thing has nothing to do with an affinity for cockus - that's like some kind of self-infatuation gimmick.

WTF with watching yourself in the mirror!? What kind of egomaniac actually does that s**t???

Fucking weirdos. Stop getting gay over yourself and go watch two lesbian dwarves zap each other with cattle prods in a sauna. Be normal for the love of f**k!

ROTFLMAO - your post put me over the top. BTW, if lesbian dwarves with cattle prods in a sauna is your normal porn please, please, please never share any of your porn with me. Thank you in advance.

Considering the Bible says that lusting after a woman is the same as committing adultery with her, one's thoughts would matter very much to god. So, masturbating is only homosexual if and only if you are thinking about guys when doing it. Oh, wait, understanding that would mean using the tiniest bit of logic - can't allow that.

[Samothec]

First of all, his description of masturbation (the "watching himself in the mirror" thing) is too... specific. Seems to me like "Pastor" Mark has some experience with that.

Second, what is it with theists and homophobia? You'd think they'd have better things to discuss, like these godless atheists.
On a related note, look up "projection".

Okay. Checking Wikipedia:

Projection: In linear algebra and functional analysis, a projection is a linear transformation P from a vector space to itself such that P² = P. It leaves its image unchanged.

Hmm, maybe not the right meaning. Wait, there are other entries.

Projection: Psychological projection or projection bias is a psychological defense mechanism where a person subconsciously denies his or her own attributes, thoughts, and emotions, which are then ascribed to the outside world, usually to other people. Thus, projection involves imagining or projecting the belief that others originate those feelings.
Projection reduces anxiety by allowing the expression of the unwanted unconscious impulses or desires without letting the conscious mind recognize them.
Aah, I think we have something. Hmm, watching himself in a mirror and thinking masturbation if gay. So you're putting 2 and 2 together and getting 4 - cool.   

[Nam]

If my girlfriend masturbates me, am I a homosexual or is she?

-Nam

[nogodsforme]

if you went back in time and pleasured yourself would that be gay?Its you on you same as master debating!!ahhh time paradoxes!!!

David Gerrold, best known for the "Trouble With Tribbles" episode of Classic Trek, wrote a time travel novel called "The Man Who Folded Himself", where the protagonist, among other things, actually does go back in time and have sex with himself, frequently.  It's a little... disturbing.

Same thing happens in The Time Traveler's Wife. Seems to be a theme, doing the nasty with one of yourselves. I guess time travel itself becomes boring after a while;  once you have killed Hitler's dad, saved Jesus from the Romans, tamed a dinosaur, helped Noah load the ark, and boinked Marie Antoinette, you have to start spicing it up a bit.

[Josiah]

Driscoll means that since there is only one gender involved in the sexual act, it is therefore a homo - (as in same gender) sexual act. He applies this to males who masturbate themselves as well as females who masturbate themselves.

[shnozzola]

[Nam]

If I'm asleep, and my cat paws my crotch area for a place for him to rest, is that considered masturbation?



-Nam

[Samothec]

If I'm asleep, and my cat paws my crotch area for a place for him to rest, is that considered masturbation?



-Nam

Involving an animal means it is bestiality. 

Has anyone else noticed that "beast" has an "a" in it while "bestiality" does not? The start of the word is "best". makes me wonder if the guy who coined the term bestiality maybe liked it too?