Author Topic: My Christian Family  (Read 10854 times)

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Offline hardlife

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Re: My Christian Family
« Reply #174 on: January 29, 2014, 02:48:58 PM »
Hi Anfauglir,

It's been over 2 years since your original post. I hope you found some peace since then. I was wondering did you ever find anything at all that helped ease your situation? We know that asking in prayer is totally worthless. Sometimes prayer almost seems like a guarantee you won't get what you asked for. I know when my parents died how difficult it was. I felt like I was in survival mode just trying to endure everything day by day.

In a crisis situation, what can one do? It can be a dire health situation, a foreclosure, something where if you don't find an answer right away it is end of story for you or someone close to you. Has anyone reading this found anything that can pragmatically help turn around a critical situation for the better? Anything at all?

Offline G-Roll

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Re: My Christian Family
« Reply #175 on: January 29, 2014, 03:49:16 PM »
Quote
In a crisis situation, what can one do? It can be a dire health situation, a foreclosure, something where if you don't find an answer right away it is end of story for you or someone close to you. Has anyone reading this found anything that can pragmatically help turn around a critical situation for the better? Anything at all?
I don’t understand what you are asking for. A magic dance to make problems go away? I don’t know of any way to avoid the death of myself or of loved ones. If I did I wouldn’t be a selfish prick and keep that info all to myself... I promise.

Quote
I know when my parents died how difficult it was. I felt like I was in survival mode just trying to endure everything day by day.
It sounds as if you have found your answer seeming you are still with us after dropping into survival mode. Many are faced with problems/tragedies that they can't endure, and they don’t. Not that they were weak or feeble. Certainty not the individuals who I have known that took their own lives.
My "answer" is that there is no answer as to how to avoid drowning when life suffocates you. You survive and do whatever it is you need to do day by day. As you stated you survive.
I don’t want to sound cold or uncaring as I hope all is well with you and your post is a curious inquiry rather than you are inflicted with one of life's many cruel jokes. Yet realistically other than drugs and hugs I got nothing for you. If not for music I wouldn’t be here, I find a release in it.. However I know there are times when that won't work either.

Best of luck to you if you need it. If you find the magic dance to lift the sometimes crushing weight of life be sure to let us all know.

Offline Jag

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Re: My Christian Family
« Reply #176 on: January 29, 2014, 04:21:10 PM »
Hi Anfauglir,

In a crisis situation, what can one do? It can be a dire health situation, a foreclosure, something where if you don't find an answer right away it is end of story for you or someone close to you. Has anyone reading this found anything that can pragmatically help turn around a critical situation for the better? Anything at all?

You didn't disclose anything concrete - a specific issue you might have in mind - in your post, so it's hard to be certain of what you are really asking. I'll take a stab at it anyway, but the answer is going to be pretty non-specific without more information.

If you are faced with a real world problem, of the general sort you described, the first go-to in my personal toolbox is always to get as much information specific to the problem I'm facing as I can. This could be either research or talking to one or more people who have expertise or experience in whatever I'm addressing. Then I take whatever information I have obtained and look for practical ways to apply it.

There are countless resources available to help with the kind of problems you mentioned, but I would endorse actual human beings first and foremost. There are support groups for pretty much anything you can imagine (and probably many things you can't), counselors, advocates, mediators, social workers, internet groups, friends, family, neighbors, teachers, and professionals. Real people, who care either about you personally or humankind on general, who are ideally suited to help with any problem you might be trying to address - an internet search would be a good place to start if friends and family are not an option. Without more information, it's impossible to give you specific suggestions or even opinions. Tell us what you are talking about and you'll likely get better answers.
« Last Edit: January 29, 2014, 04:22:50 PM by Jag »
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Offline Anfauglir

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Re: My Christian Family
« Reply #177 on: January 30, 2014, 04:03:44 AM »
I'd agree with Jag.  Seek information, seek assistance - and talk about it.  Not to god, or to yourself - those CAN be good to get things straight in your head - but to someone else physically there, who can sympathise and give advice.

The biggest help for me came when social services and the NHS finally did the Healthcare Assessment, and then recommended the right home for her needs.  Before that, it was all down to me to find somewhere, and I simply didn't have the tools.  I could look at homes, and probably get a fair idea, but without knowing all the info on medication and care and the practicalities of her 24 hour needs, I likely wouldn't get the best fit.

How do I cope?  By knowing that I've managed to get her into the best home in the area for her needs, where she is looked after and safe and happy in the moment.  And to be honest, having done that, to try to put it all out of my mind as much as possible.  "I've done all I can do, I can do no more", to paraphrase popeye.   Making sure that I go out and do stuff that I enjoy, not feeling guilty.

An update for those who have been following.  Last week was the yearly "renewal assessment" for the continuing funding, where we go through continenence, psychological state, medication, behaviour, etc.  Sitting around a table in the care home for an hour were the NHS assessor, the care home manager, me, and my mum, talking in great detail about how bad her behaviour could be, and how ill she was.  In that hour, I don't think she once registered that she was the one being talked about.  And not once did she recognise who I was.

And that, bizarrely, is the think that has made it easiest.  Previously, although she was mostly gone, there were still bits there - she knew she knew me, but not where from.  Now the last bit of my mum has gone, which actually makes it a whole lot easier to visit, because there are no more tears and unhappiness when its time to go.
Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.
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Offline Boots

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Re: My Christian Family
« Reply #178 on: January 30, 2014, 02:36:19 PM »
In my experience, everything jag and anfauglir said.  Add into that: break the problem into manageable chunks.  A crisis can seem--well, BE--overwhelming if you take a 10,000 foot view.  But if you say "Ok, what is the first step I have to accomplish?" and DO that first step, you can belay panic and affect positive change in the situation.  This should allow you to then formulate a 2nd step, etc.

I'm reminded of South Park: "WHat would Brian Boytano do if he were here right now??  He'd make a plan and follow through, that's what Brian Boytano'd do!!"
* Religion: institutionalized superstition, period.

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