You don't get it, do you? At least five people have tried to explain it to you, but you appear to trapped in your rationalization of your own childhood abuse, which you perpetuate in your actions as a parent.
Allow me an attempt to get through to you.
The starting point (A) is that when you were a child, you suffered abuse at the hands of those who had authority or power over you.
The end point (B), today, is that you believe that authorities must always be respected and obeyed - and particularly that children must always respect and obey their parents - and that parents are entitled to use violence, and the fear of violence, to enforce respect and obedience.
Do you agree with those statements, TruthOT? I'm basing A on your descriptions of your childhood:
In my family circle, whippin’ ass, spanking, corporal punishment, whatever you want to call it is and has always been pervasive. <snip> we also would allow ourselves to be entertained by causing our little brothers or cousins (5 to 7 years of age) to fight <snip> Some of the older kids that admittedly we were slightly afraid of and thought were crazy enough to hurt us as well would do despicable things like setting strays on fire <snip> we were basically unsupervised from down to dusk <snip> we had to go outside and break twiggs off of the tree to be used as a switch that our parents would use to whip us. I hated it when my mother would tell me that I was gonna get it when I got home <snip> Such a threat does seem a bit sadistic I would imagine. I know I definately felt dread when my momma promised me a whipping and it seems like the longest most torturous time from the moment she said I would get it until when we'd get home.
There we have examples of three of the four categories of child abuse: emotional abuse, neglect and physical abuse. And I'm truly sorry that you had to deal with all that stuff.
I'm basing B on these statements:
For most of my life I bought into the idea that good parents from time to time will whip their kids in order to properly condition them and to teach them respect for those in authority over them. With this in mind, any form of disrespect directed towards a teacher, parent or guardian, etc. is immediately punishable by an ass whippin’ to help insure that such behavior will not ever be employed again.<snip>In my community one of the worst things a child can do is “talk back” to an adult <snip> if any of my kids speaks to me, my wife, or an authority figure disrespectfully and out of turn wrongfully, they will be dealt with “corporally” <snip> they should respect, revere, and even fear their parents as well as other authority figures in their lives <snip> There are times when they will need to do things or not do things simply because I said no.
So do you agree with my two statements, TruthOT?
First you suffered cruelly in childhood at the hands of authority, now you teach that your authority is always right and must be respected, and you're prepared to be cruel to back it up.
Do you see the contradiction there? Do you see what you've done to resolve it?
First, you've identified with your abusers, and blamed yourself instead of them. Many abused children do this as a survival strategy; they find it preferable to believe that their ill-treatment is their fault, because the alternative explanation, that they are actually at the mercy of cruel monsters, is too terrifying to consider. So they think that their parents are good and right, while they themselves are bad and wrong. They may then grow up and repeat the cruel behaviour of their parents, in the sincere belief that these methods are good.
By being brought up in an authoritarian culture, you've become authoritarian. Authority is good, in and of itself. Authority must be obeyed. Disobedience or disrespect of authority by children, the worst crime, must be punished with violence.
This is bullshit, TruthOT. It's bullshit because of the simple fact that sometimes, people in authority abuse their power. As I'm sure you know. You said that children should respect, revere, and even fear their parents as well as other authority figures in their lives
. But only if they deserve respect - and some don't.
If a priest or a teacher attempts to sexually abuse a child, should the child obey and respect this authority figure? Should people respect and obey corrupt police officers, or judges, or politicians?
In which case, why are you teaching your children to obey authority? By doing so, you actually leave your children susceptible to abuse - because some authorities are corrupt.
What you should be teaching your children is the concept of bodily integrity - the idea that their bodies belong to them, and that nobody can touch them unless they concur. Which includes teachers, priests, doctors, relatives, friends and yes, parents. Touching someone who doesn't want to be touched constitutes assault. Try puttng your arm around a police officer in a friendly fashion while you're getting a ticket. You would quickly find that that constitutes assault.
Children should learn to say 'no' as soon as possible. Sometimes the 'no' should be overruled, and an explanation provided.
Otherwise it should be respected. Children have rights. As do adults.
Kids should be told and shown that you are disciplining them because you love them.
Here's the thing, TruthOT: abused children don't really care about the rationalizations of their abusers.
They just want the abuse to stop.