"What is a christian to you?"
Let's see... Well, I know they eat a lot of cornbread and they exfoliate like it's going out of style. I think this explains the overly pink skin tone you commonly see on the white ones. They're big on turtlenecks and cotton shirts, usually white or pink or sky blue. Oftentimes, REALLY bad hair cuts. They hate teh gays and yet they're super eager to get prostate exams and enemas. Not sure what that's all about.
Communication is often very difficult... They tend to pontificate in biblespeak instead of 21st century English because they think it sounds profound, and some of them say "brother" all the time in the most unhip manner possible and this can be very distracting.
You have to be very careful when handling certain breeds of Christian because they can secrete a slippery, oily substance which makes it next to impossible for them to be held to any one position, so make sure you wear adhesive gloves or something. Protective eyewear wouldn't be a bad idea other... Some have been known to spit!
What else... Oh yeah, they're big on cannibalism and are always eating people's flesh and drinking their blood, but I think there's a holiday they have where they have to abstain from cannibalism for 3 weeks out of the year and they can only eat dog meat and shellfish or something...
And it's really important to Christians that they conquer the Earth and utterly destroy any non-believers, so they're always trying to raise money to fund their global domination. They do a lot of things like bake sales and car washes to get money, but usually they're funded by old rich people dying and leaving them their money but I heard there's a few denominations that breed kittens so that they can cut off the kitten heads to make decorative ashtrays out of the skulls... Apparently kitten skull ashtrays are a really big ticket item among the Muslims, but the whole operation seems kind of hypocritical to me, I dunno.
They kinda smell funny, too.
Hmm... That's about all I can think of at the moment.