If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.
The crime is having unprotected
sex... we had sex with a condom. Why should that be a crime?
And so the burden of supporting an unwanted child would have fallen on your parents.
The way things are, it would probably have fallen more on her parents than mine. Not that I think that's fair... just saying what's what would have happened.
Did they know and approve of you having sex at 13, by the way?
My parents happen to be assholes... so I didn't tell them anything. But I don't think they would have disapproved had they found out at the time.
Maybe you were mature for your age, Plethora. Did you also know about HIV, and discuss Safe Sex with your girl-friend?
I did know about HIV, but barely. It was 1992. I know I was well aware of Freddy Mercury's death and why he died... though I think I may have thought it was more of a 'gay' illness at the time. I suppose I wasn't fully informed... I hadn't had any sex Ed yet. I wish I had and I wish more 13 year olds were aware the implications of sex and the precautions they need to take.
Luckily, I did know about pregnancy and how to prevent it. Unwittingly, by using a condom I would have also protected myself from STDs, had she had any.
According to this global report commissioned by Durex:
the average age for people to lose their virginity is 17.4. This ranges from 15.6 in Iceland to 19.8 in India.And more importantly, the report found a statistically significant correlation between age of first sex and unprotected sex:
Results of Unadjusted Multiple Linear Regression clearly show that the average age someone loses their virginity is a predictor of unprotected sex.
Countries like Vietnam and India, for example, where the age for losing virginity is high, report lower levels of unprotected sex, as opposed to the high income countries of Iceland, Sweden, Denmark and Norway where the average age for
losing virginity is low, and levels of unprotected sex are high.
Other independent studies have also concluded the younger a person is when losing their virginity the more chance there is of contracting a sexually transmitted infection.
I suspect the vast majority 13 year olds haven't had any sex education... and maybe the majority of 13 year olds stay virgins but not all of them do obviously. Sex Ed would help reduce the amount of unprotected sex among the younger teens.
Besides ... how should the law punish 13 year olds who have sex?I think it should be a matter for the parents to sort out. Which is problematic if the parents don't think they're doing anything wrong.
So why make it illegal then if it's up to each parent? This is exactly what I am saying. It should not be illegal. How parents deal with it is up to each household.
But you're a parent yourself, Plethora. So is this what you're teaching your children, that it's OK for them to have sex at 13?
I have one daughter, almost 9. I am not going to talk to her now about what she'll be doing when she's 13.
We have talked about sex (because she brought it up and asked me questions about it, which I answered
). She knows what it is, why people do it and she knows that's how women get pregnant. She also still thinks sex is totally gross
. Of course, she doesn't know all the detailed mechanics ... and she is not aware of STDs yet. But she is nowhere near being sexually active yet so there's no rush. We'll go into details on that when she hits puberty.
If she has sex at 13 with a boy her age I won't mind. I just want to be sure she does it responsibly with the appropriate precautions.
Scenario 1: a furious father on your doorstep with his pregnant 13-year-old daughter. Apparently your boy persuaded her to have sex by telling her that you approved. He wants to know if his daughter's telling the truth...
I don't have a son and I won't be having any more kids... but to take on your scenario ... I didn't make
them have sex. They had sex because they wanted to. I would be pissed off at my son not for having sex but for doing so irresponsibly. The furious father has every right to be pissed off... but no fucking way I'm letting him blame me for it. I would offer to help if the girl ends up keeping the baby.
Scenario 2: your 13-year-old daughter tells you she's pregnant. Imagine taking her for an abortion. Or watching her have the child (ruining her education) and then giving it away (that's got to hurt). Or you and wife raise it yourself...
First of all, this could happen when she is 16 or 17 as well, within the age of consent. So making sex 'illegal' for 14 year olds as opposed to 16 year olds doesn't help or change the risks really. It doesn't make a fucking difference at all.
Second ... I was talking about this with my wife a couple of days ago. Basically, the choice is up to my daughter, although I know the last option will impact my wife and I most.
Once she's pregnant the damage is done... no point making her feel like shit. Saying she is 'ruining' her life is a bit extreme. That's not necessarily the case... but it certainly is a life changing situation.
I would have to support her no matter which of the 3 options she takes. Tough shit ... that's what parents are supposed to do for their kids. They're supposed to support them and help them through tough times.... no matter how hard.
As you say, disasters. And the responsibility for them would ultimately lie with you, because you're responsible for what you teach your children.
Some 13 year olds have sex. It's a fact. My daughter will be ready to have sex when she's ready to have sex. I don't know what age she'll be when that happens. If she happens to decide she's ready at 13, I won't stop her.
You're addressing me as if I were encouraging her having sex as soon as possible. That's not true. She can have sex when she feels ready.
... and what good does it do to prohibit it? If she wants to have sex at 13 she'll find ways of doing it anyway whether I like it or not.
All I'm arguing is that making sex between two 13 year olds illegal is fucking pointless and there's nothing intrinsically wrong
with it either.