Same here. I have never been happier with myself. I'm really sorry about your mother!
My mother is on that drug [religion] and she will never
be able to let it go. She's too emotionally attached to it, and it's really her only
hope, although I can tell she can't help but ask herself questions going along the lines of: Why does this happen to me? Why am I sad? Why do I feel like I'm not good enough? Why do I have to take these anti-depressants AND anti-anxiety drugs? Why did everything that happened to me before happen to me to begin with?
The only way she got by is the fact she has a family. That already makes her happy, although... She realized later that it is more than just having a family that requires her to be
happy. For example, I made her happy simply by listening to her and talking with her, about well, her. She needs to care more about herself. I'm glad that she does genuinely get happy when we talk. Her face just lightens up and it is stress-free! It's something I love to remember.
As for my father, he's a totally brainwashed fundy unfortunately. Like I said he's tied to bed and he won't walk again, so he's only hope is either that God will miraculously heal him or that at least he will have a new life in the afterlife.
I consider religion a drug. Drugs are usually harmful. But when someone is sick a drug can be helpful. That's how I view my father's religious beliefs. For him, perhaps this drug is needed to make through the days, to have some hope. So I won't ruin it. But if he really gives me that ultimatum I won't give in to his blackmail, of course.
In the end, it's that hope that gets them by, and I empathize with people like that, you know? My mom may not be dying, but she feels
like she is dying. It's that depression; it just eats her up, even with the meds. The anxiety drugs don't help much either. I don't want her dying feeling like she is unaccomplished, alone, and not worth enough for anyone to listen to her on the inside. She has her husband, which she can completely relate to. But he is not stable either. He is opposite of stable... And he is the primary reason why I couldn't stay with my parents for the rest of my pregnancy while my husband's deployed. I moved to Washington, where I'm at now, only 2-3 weeks of staying there. My dad came home on the last week I was still there, and it completely changed everything.
Needless to say, although my mom and dad have each other, my mom never stood up for me when it came to my dad treating me the way he did. She was just as bad a person as my dad for not being better than that, which makes her a careless parent, when in reality, she really isn't. She does care and she does love me. But she just made excuses for my dad, and still does, for his behavior. Only excuses. And she prays every day for him. [Obviously, that did jack-shit. She still prays anyway. It's that hope and feeling like she accomplished something effect.]
I have a feeling if they were a Muslim family rather than Christian, my dad would definitely be shit-loads worse. He favors my brother over me [male gender being more important to raise, apparently]. I love my brother, and I'm glad my brother can somewhat get along with him [again, my dad being unstable and going from Point A to Point Z], but it made me sad to see as to why he treats him better. I never thought it was about gender, because he still beat him a lot just like he beat me. And, what does my mom do about it? She accepts it.
I guess that's what the old Christian ideals were like. More true to the core. And rather mean. It didn't even require what the Muslim faith does nowdays [an example being covering a woman up]. To my dad, I'm scum, and that's what it feels like, even though my mom said to me for him that "he is so proud of me." I called bull-shit, but she didn't want to talk about it further, just in case she thought about it too much. Being from South America, and Roman Catholicism being a HUGE part of everyone's lives, during my mom's lifetime [and even nowdays there], women come second. There are so many things
wrong where she comes from.
It took me too long to realize as to why
my parents, and my entire family tree back in Peru, behave and accept this way. My brothers and sister, however, aren't buying it, being exposed to what the USA is like. It's much more secular and nice.