I am still confused as to many of your posts.
You merely needed to ask honestly and cease trying to force your opinions and prejudices upon others.
Like that.
--J. "My Secrets are Not Sold Cheaply" D.
Agree upon that. I was too wayward of myself. Sorry sir.
@All posters in this thread
Assume a situation here - Person A is an atheist. Okay...? Hardcore atheist. Lover of science. Fan of Stephen Hawking and believes in String theory, even though he has no understanding beyond that of a science student.
If such a Person A happens to know that he had no way of living, none whatsoever. He has some sort of illness which has no known cure, only certain corrections and stoppages. There are some medicines, which will ease the pain, but still is incomprehensibly a cruel pain. Just staying awake is a nightmare. Searing pain all over the body, you cannot ever comprehend unless you have a similar disease....
Such a person, has decided to dispose of everything, and decides to end the pain by killing himself... Okay..?
So, this person is going about ready to meet his end. Decides to spend one last week of fun and happiness before leaving. Enjoys the time. Takes no medicine because he was sure that within a week all his misery will go away. Pain starts throbbing like his earlier years, when he had not taken any medicine, but still, he keeps control and spends time in the places he loves. P.S: He has no friends to meet and talk to because of his particular illness, he has been unable to get out much....
Then walking back home, on the third day, he decides to have a go at a nearby place of God, with an intention of silently cursing that unfair God if he did in deed exist. I was just pissed off my life, so i just went in to curse life and whatever.... The atmosphere was peaceful you know. An elephant inside the courtyard thrashing some palm leaves and chewing it on, so I sat there watching it. The poojari (brahmin priest) came to me and said - I do not see you around here ever...! What happened? I said that i was about to go join a distant university for higher studies and wanted to pray. he said, then lie down on the ground and with cupped hands, pray that everything be alright. I said that i cannot even sit properly in the place i am now because of some pain. He said, yes, i know, your mother told about you and prays for you daily. I said okay....
He said, if i am able to control and bear my pain for the few minutes that i sat there, try to lie on the ground, hands thrust forward and pray for wellness. He was a ranking old timer, might have hit 90+. So i chose not to defy his request, which was most probably the last, so i did what he asked me to. It was a temple of Shiva incarnated as Rajarajeshwara, so this is an act that is supposed to submit to him or something...
I got up, thanked him for the advices, took the prasad (ash made by burning dry cow dung) and rubbed it on my forehead and started walking back home. I noticed after opening the gate to my house that it did not pain me to touch the gate. Otherwise it would have been unbearable. I noted that i did not feel pain for sometime now but cannot remember when exactly it had gone.... I checked again removing my clothes and did not have any rash marks or anything which was usual when i wore clothes for a long time... It is quite funny in a way because i could never remember a day without pain before, and now i cannot remember what that pain was like....
I cannot prove any of this in anyway. in fact, i do not know what my problem was till now... I had serious headaches all my life, which made it worse than ever and in addition to it the full body pains prevented me from being a normal person. I have Keratoconus in addition to all this making me one hell of a fucking irritated maniac. I have not experienced any pain like i had before after that incident now. In fact, i have stopped taking my medications for pain relief (Pelladdone - They say it is derived from morphine).
I still have keratoconus though. So i am not sure if this is a cure or not. When i saw the doctor and told him of this, he says he cannot believe me. He said that it must be some side effects of taking pelladdone which is derived from morphine. He also asked me whether i have addiction to the medicine now, to which i said NO. He said that either i am mentally ill or i am lying. To this i told that i had thought about suicide and he is somewhat confirmed that i have gone nuts completely.
He talked to my parents about all this, and they are now roaming around me every few minutes looking at me. Dad gave me the Bhagavad Gita ro read and i have been doing that for the past few weeks. I tried to learn about what this effking guy called God is all about and i am now confused as ever.
Current situation
1. The person is not cured completely if you ask me. he still has Keratoconus.
2. No pain whatsoever than the occasional mild outcome of reading for long times together. (common with keratoconus)
3. No addiction to fucking morphine or pelladdone or whatever they call it.
4. All persons except my girl friend distrusts me and thinks i am nuts... (Why not my GF? Well it doesn't pain me now to touch her.... and she can see that in my eyes...)
Well, what do you expect from a person like this...? What should he do or believe in...? Logic says to him that it might be nothing, but should he be an ungrateful person if it was indeed the doing of some omnipotent...
This will be unbelievably preposterous and i admit that. No proves whatsoever. Is it, and might be a fantasy..?
