I'm not sure if any of you guys remember me, since I introduced myself
ages ago and have since only lurked, but for one thread, but I'm mistressapplepie. You guys are welcome to call me MAP, for short, or V, which is my initial.
Anyway, it occurred to me that I had not given my testimonial yet. I remember wanting to do so as soon as I introduced myself so long ago, but maybe I got nervous or something. I don't know. But now I'm here, and oddly chatty, so here it is:
My religious education was a bit hodgepodge (my grandparents were Adventists, mom and dad were fair-weather Episcopalians, I was raised sorta Catholic). I got the basics, of course. You know: Jesus died for my sins, God is watching you, don't curse, don't drink, don't have sex, I deserve hell but God loves me, etc. The good news is that even when I was forced to go to church, I didn't really pay attention, so I never got fully brainwashed.
The bad news is that the little bit I did retain freaked me so much that I remember as a five year old, I admitted (while crying) to a priest friend of the family that I was scared the devil would get me. He chuckled and said I had nothing to worry about...
if I was a good girl.
Anyway, as I got older, I was no longer forced to go to church unless it was Easter, which I thought was fun, 'cause I got to wear my purty clothes. And I have to admit, I did get caught up in the music. But I found that I didn't really feel anything behind it, almost like there was no One there. Still, my position through junior high and high school was that there was a god, he just wasn't exactly what everyone thought he was.
In fact, I thought it was a god
dess, and that she was way more forgiving and loving than that guy who was always damning people for wearing thongs or thinking that someone was hot.
By the time I got to college, I found I was surrounded by people who did not believe in god. My best friend, my boyfriend, even an older friend. So I started reading things like
The God Delusion, and
The End of Faith; watching shows about the historical Jesus, who I had no idea had not much evidence behind him; and finally, I found this site. And suddenly everything made a lot of sense. Of
course there is no god of the
Bible.
I admit, though, that for a while I did get depressed and wondered what the point of it all was. And the fear of hell didn't give up its hold too easily. But in the end, I'm pretty sure (I'd say a full 100%) that biblegod is nonexistent. I don't know about
a god, I'd place that maybe at a 99.99%.
So I guess that makes me an agnostic atheist? Labels are always so darn tricky.
Anyway, that's my story, broadly. I'd be happy to answer questions, but I confess I'm nowhere near as erudite and articulate as some of the members here. I love lurking, because I find that my answers to the questions posed are given in a much better form than I could give them by someone else.
So, yeah... Hi!
