Just a few things I'd like to say.
1.)Chuck Norris is a midget, and I'm 6'3. So I've got at least a foot on him.
2.)My beard is at least 2wice as gangster.
3.)His martial arts might be impressive, but I practice the ancient oriental art of .357 teflon-coated hollowpoint. And I don't fire blanks. Neither do my firearms.
4.)I was aware of his alleged "epicness"... But I've never been big on trends, and Chuck's always just been a midgety Christian douche to me... Which is why I suppose I was concerned I was giving a douchey vibe and could thus be construed as a man to give lessons on being douchetastic to a Duke of douchedom.
But now that I know it was intended as a compliment, I thank you.
5.)Bubba Hotep rocked socks. And I hate Elvis, too. So that should tell you something.
6.)Bruce Campbell... That's a trend I can endorse. <STAMPED RAYMOND APPROVED>
7.)I noticed today that all my favorite things are no longer around. Hunter Thompson. Planters Cheez Balls. Snapple Rain. Rage Against the Machine. Curtis Mayfield. Deadwood. Lemon Jolly Ranchers.
Rock and hip-hop died in the 90's... Sex requires a lot of TALKING afterwords with people I usually don't like very much and I really don't need the ego-inflation of the "conquest" anymore... The drugs are all overpriced and half the time they're dilluted...
All I have left that is pure is Cap'N Crunch and Sunsets. Somehow I thought the future was going to be better. It's 2011. I'm living in the FUTURE here! WHERE ARE THE GODDAMN FLYING CARS!!!???? WHERE IS MY CHERRY 2000!!?? AND WHO THE f**k'S IDEA WAS IT TO GET RID OF THE GODDAMN CHEEZ BALLS!!!!??? HUH!!??
Sorry. That's been building all day. I think I need to go pray now.