Could anybody explain to me what makes the whole "being of mexican descent" thing special.
I'm not being sarcastic here but I don't know much about racism and cultural identification so I coudn't understand the whole "brother not identifying with mexican-ness and wanting to be american" deal. I, myself, am filipino but to me that just means, the taxes that I pay for, the money I spend etc. circulate in a semi-closed economic landmass named the Philippines.
My experience here in the US is that if you are different, you are bad. This goes both ways. When I was in middle school in East LA, I was one of the two "white" girls there, and was called all these derogatory names in Spanish. It didn't matter that I did have Mexican blood in me, it was that my skin was pale and I wasn't "Mexican enough". Even now, in Miami, I get people staring at me when I open my mouth and Spanish comes out. I then have to explain my family history, because I look white and therefore shouldn't be speaking Spanish. My sister lives in a mostly Mexican area, and she looks "more" Mexican, and is accepted. My brother lives in a more "American" area, and works with light-skinned people. He just Americanizes himself... I don't know why. He changes his Mexican name to the American version. My sister has a very Mexican name (I would tell you, but it's the internet and all.. but her name is T-E-M-Y-G, the standard Mexican version of a name- T, her given name, E, her baptism name, M, her middle name, Y, her maiden name, and G, her married name. She goes by her whole name, all 5 of them.)
Now onto the actual post.
Larissa, why don't you conform to the cultural standards? You can always be yourself at your own time. Conforming to the cultural standards have HUGE advantages. In most cultures, the cultural ideal of a beautiful woman is very narrow as compared to the ideal handsome man which pretty much assures you of being one step ahead of other people just by virtue of being a woman.
Also, do you think of yourself as beautiful? Pardon the bluntness of the question but I find it very wierd that you can accept the fact that you got a huge handicap(visage that is far from the present definition of beautiful). I ask this question because I don't like how I look and find my overall look to be ugly but I maintain it because it is close to the present vision of what a handsome guy should look like. That leaves me puzzled as why you don't the same.
This question comes at an odd time. Had you asked me 3 days ago if I think I'm beautiful, I would have answered without hesitation "yes". Even now, I do think I'm beautiful (but in the past 3 days I have come to an epiphany on my mental state, a discussion not for this forum). I have no problem posting pictures of myself, with or without makeup. I don't mind whole-body shots (with clothes on) even when I was at my heaviest.
I mean, look at me. I'm damn pretty. This was last week, no makeup. I just took my glasses off.
Me celebrating Geo's bday with his family (2 years ago):
Me, at the proudest moment of my whole life- Graduating from USC-
You can look at those all you like, but when I see myself, I see a beautiful, confident woman. Why should I see myself as anything different if my culture says so? Fuck them.
For that matter, why should I hide anything that I am (unless it's for work, where I could lose my job)? Why should I have to conform to a society that prides itself on hiding every single bad thing about yourself? I scare people off because I'm real. Fuck them. If you can't handle me, then you don't deserve to be near me. I'm mentally ill. So what? To me it's the same as saying I have diabetes or cancer. It's a physical problem that I have to deal with by taking my medicine. I love myself some vagina and boobs. So what? I was born that way.
I have realized that I see the world differently than everyone else. I don't know how or why I got this way, all I know is that I'm that way. I can look at someone who is seen as pretty, and just see their attitude and think they are butt-ugly. I used to work with this bitch that was dating the manager. I had my friend go to the bitch's facebook to get the screen shot of her and the boss together before the bitch could take it down, and my friend remarked on how pretty the bitch was. I never saw her that way, once. I just see bitch when I look at her. How I perceive a person as attractive or not has to do with their attitude, not their appearance. You can look at my hubby- I find him very attractive. Most people wouldn't agree with me, but who gives a fuck what they think? He's *my* husband, *I* married him, and *I* love him.
He's not the picture of American handsome-ness, but something about him actually got a lesbian to marry him. Go figure, huh? He just has the most beautiful soul I have seen. *That's* what I see when I look at him- I see the inside. Yes, I like his outside, but I love him for what's inside.
Why not just be myself on my own time? I spent too many years trying to conform to the standards and just got more and more fucked up. I had eating disorders, I started cutting myself, I got so depressed I tried to kill myself... so I decided fuck them. If I want to be myself, then I'm going to be my own damn self and fuck everyone else who doesn't like it that way.