Okay. So I'm going to be brave and make post with some of my thoughts. I've come to the conclusion recently that I am atheist. I have this obsession with talking, reading, and watching vlogs about it. I don't know what it is. Maybe its because I finally was able to let go of the guilt, or maybe that fear that somehow I could be wrong and burn in hell. After being indoctrinated my whole life to believe in 'God' and to fear him, coming out of it I feel free and this feeling is hard to contain. I hate that I don't know any other atheist outside of the internet. When I talk to my spiritual/religious friends, they may entertain me to an extent but no one really sees eye to eye with me. Not that I need for the world to agree with me, but I guess it kinda sucks when you feel you are the only one.
Well on to the topic. In my search for opinions and debate - this including speaking with good friends - I find that a common theme is "I am not religious, but I believe in God, or I believe there is indeed a higher being." While I am not opposed to the idea that there is a possibility that a God could exist, I doubt that there is because there is absolutely no reason to believe that a 'God' is somewhere lurking in the 5Th dimension in my humble opinion. I also recently heard an argument that Atheist incorrectly attribute the characteristics of God to Yahweh, Allah, etc... to find flaws in human constructs in 'God' as a means to argue to point out the absurdity in religion, spiritualism, or the effects of these beliefs on the world. They say that 'God' cannot be defined or compared to humans, or human ideas.
So my thing is, if you are spiritual and believe in 'God', simply believe that there is some higher power but reject religion, or omit large chunks from this religious text or that one to believe a few texts that sound right to you - where in the universe do you get your concept of what 'God' is? Like when has 'God' ever revealed itself or what it is. So how then can one believe in 'God' without religion. There is no historical record or phenomenon where 'God' has been expressed in verifiable ways that we can comprehend what a higher power or 'God' is. Is it not then the case 'God' in itself is a man made concept. Even without the use of religion or a sacred text, it is only a idea that was created by man. I don't understand the logic. I just find this so frustrating because I can have a great conversation with people about why religion is harmful, dumb, contradictory and the 3rd, but when it comes to having a belief in a god, and feeling like some spiritual being is out there and possibly even guiding or waiting for you in the afterlife, then all bets are off. Why can people see through religion, but then fail to understand that also as religion is man made, so is the concept of 'God' altogether.
I can totally be missing something here. But I am very open to discussion and your thoughts on this.