Author Topic: My mother died this morning  (Read 485 times)

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Offline Disciple of Sagan

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My mother died this morning
« on: February 04, 2015, 09:22:43 PM »
A few of you know through past PM messages about my mother, Linda, and her being repeatedly misdiagnosed for over a year and a half before it was determined she suffered from CIDP; a rare and not completely understood disease related to ALS that slowly robs the individual of the use of their arms and legs.

It was this year and a half of her real ailment not being treated that left her with little chance of regaining her mobility, and out of the three main treatments that held the most "promise" for an at least partial recovery, the 1st almost killed her and the 2nd had very little discernible effect.

She had a doctor's appointment this afternoon to have a stent inserted in to her shoulder so she could begin the third and last treatment known to have some positive effect, plasmapheresis. She was supposed to go last Wednesday, but a blizzard forced her to reschedule. She was depressed over the delay and had told me she felt like she had been cursed due to a never-ending string of setbacks and disappointments that cumulatively had taken their toll on her psyche.

I had been outside shoveling snow off of her wheelchair ramp while my youngest sister was inside washing my mom's hair when I had walked inside to hear my sister's panicked voice saying over and over again "Mom? Talk to me mom. Mom?"

Right before I had came inside, she suddenly complained that she wasn't feeling well before loosing consciousness. I immediately called 911, but by the time I was able to finally hang up and rush to my mom's side, she had stopped breathing and I couldn't detect a pulse. Her eyes were open with no hint of awareness.

It was that sight, along with her frail, withered and naked body laid out on the kitchen floor by the paramedics that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I was allowed to see her 50 minutes later after the doctors finally gave up trying to resuscitate her. There was no peaceful expression on her face; her mouth left agape in an unnatural position. That is the last image I have of my mom.

I am emotionally numb as I compose this. I have spent the past few hours fluctuating between unconsolable grieving and bitter anger, and it's this anger that is the reason for my need to post this here and now in the Testimonials section of the Forum.

I don't believe in "God", but in some perverse way I wish he/she/it did exist so that I would have something or someone to blame for the sadistic torture inflicted upon my mother... the only member of our family to believe in a Christian God... that made these last, two years of her life a living hell trapped in the prison of her own failing body. I want and need to hate something or someone while at the same time knowing that there is no one to blame. This is life. This is just the way it is. And that just makes me all the more angry.

It has been mutually decided by my father, my two other sisters and myself that we will have a private ceremony at the Funeral Home. I fear that my anger will beyond a doubt find an outlet aimed at anyone offering spiritual platitudes at my mother's wake. Any offer... no matter how well intentioned by an individual to "pray for her"... will be met with "what fucking good did your prayers do while she was alive?"

I am fully aware how this makes me sound, but I'm past the point of caring anymore. I've lost the capacity to tolerate this theistic bullshit. And for those of you who cling to the belief that my mother's dying and manner of death was all part of your God's "divine plan", fuck you. That's my testimonial.



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Offline magicmiles

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2015, 09:25:29 PM »
Sorry for your loss, DOS. I hope you can receive good support from those close to you in this time.
It's good to know the door can still be open wide.

Offline jetson

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2015, 10:41:24 PM »
Very sorry you are going through this tough time. I have not yet lost a direct family member, but I fear it won't be long. No idea what you must be feeling like. Thanks for sharing your feelings about it.

I am attending a wake in a few days. Not looking forward to the religious talk.

Offline ParkingPlaces

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2015, 11:47:58 PM »
My condolences, DoS. Having lost both of my parents, I know how much it can shock and hurt. But you wouldn't want to feel any other way. Imagine how bad your life would have had to be for you to be indifferent about the loss of your mother. Be thankful that you have thousands of reasons to cry.

Since life doesn't come with a complete instruction manual, it is hard for everybody to do everything right every time. People with good intentions can blow it just as surely as burglars can bungle a break in. And for similar reasons, those of us who have to handle a death we don't want find ourselves confronting an assortment of emotions, each of which can tear us apart. If the death of someone we love wasn't survivable, none of us would be here. But it doesn't seem to do much good to tell a person who is suddenly in mourning that their reactions are normal, be they feeling of loss, anger, frustration, denial, or any of the other reactions available within. So instead of emphasizing the fact that you will heal over time, I shall simply say be gentle with yourself, and value every hug you give and get, from every person you love, for the next little while.

The thoughts of many are with you. Be well, our friend.

 
It isn't true that non-existent gods can't do anything. For instance, they were able to make me into an atheist.

Offline The Gawd

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2015, 12:49:19 AM »
I am extremely sorry to hear DoS.

Offline Astreja

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2015, 01:32:50 AM »
I'm sorry, DoS.  Condolences to you and your family.   :'(
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Online Mrjason

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2015, 05:33:54 AM »
Disciple of Sagan, I'm sorry for your loss and sorry that you are in pain.

Offline junebug72

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #7 on: February 05, 2015, 07:03:38 AM »
I'm very sorry for your loss.  Time will help.  It took about 6 months for me to get that "last image" out of my head.  I would try to conjure good memories but that's all I could see.  Suddenly they just started flowing.

Time is a great healer.

Maybe this will cheer you up.  I am an atheist!  No more theism for me.
LOOK DEEP INTO NATURE AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING BETTER...ALBERT EINSTEIN

Offline Merlin

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2015, 07:16:36 AM »
DoS, my mom died in August; it is not easy...

Thanks for telling us.  And remember, when you feel like you need to scream and there's no one who understands, come back and scream at us...

We are your friends, and we can take it.  ;)
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Offline Jag

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #9 on: February 05, 2015, 07:41:10 AM »
I;m so sorry for your loss DoS. My condolences to your and your family, you're in my thoughts.
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Offline lotanddaughters

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #10 on: February 05, 2015, 09:23:26 AM »
I am truly sorry to read about this.

Thank you for being a part of this community and for sharing your thoughts.
Enough with your bullshit.
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Offline Nick

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #11 on: February 05, 2015, 09:46:34 AM »
DOS, PP said it best.  Vent here all you want.  Thinking of you.
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

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Offline LoriPinkAngel

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #12 on: February 05, 2015, 10:18:54 AM »
My last image of my mother was similar to the one you shared.  However the mortician was able to transform her back to an image of "herself" for the services.  I found it very calming for some reason.  She had already chosen the outfit she wanted and the details of her funeral.  Hopefully the service you and your family have for your mother will give you some closure and peace.  I am very sorry for your loss.
It doesn't make sense to let go of something you've had for so long.  But it also doesn't make sense to hold on when there's actually nothing there.

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #13 on: February 05, 2015, 11:46:26 AM »
 :'(

. Any offer... no matter how well intentioned by an individual to "pray for her"... will be met with "what fucking good did your prayers do while she was alive?"

I am fully aware how this makes me sound, but I'm past the point of caring anymore. I've lost the capacity to tolerate this theistic bullshit. And for those of you who cling to the belief that my mother's dying and manner of death was all part of your God's "divine plan", f**k you. That's my testimonial.

PREACH IT YO!!!
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Offline epidemic

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #14 on: February 05, 2015, 01:39:50 PM »
I only know you as a faceless person on a web forum.  I have been blessed or lucky or what every you want to call it to still have my parents, I can only imagine what I will go through when I lose my parents.  I empathize with you on your loss.  I hope you can get past that last image and back to remembering the good times and put the past 2 or 3 years behind you.

 

Offline nogodsforme

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #15 on: February 05, 2015, 05:25:04 PM »
So sorry to hear about this. And yeah, the religious platitudes totally miss the mark. :(
Extraordinary claims of the bible don't even have ordinary evidence.

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Offline shnozzola

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #16 on: February 05, 2015, 06:15:08 PM »
Disciple of Sagan,
   My heart goes out to you.  My parents are up there in years - almost lost my father a few years ago.  Hold each other in your family tightly and remember the joys of your mom.  Remember her laughter. Her favorite songs.  Her favorite foods.  Think of her looking at you as a small child and how much she cared about you.  You will be fine.  You will be safe and strong, and you must continue to spread the wisdom she has given you to others.

edit:
     Tonight it is 22 degrees F.  Clear as a bell.  We have about 4 inches of crispy snow on the ground.  After checking the time on the email, I walked outside and watched the international space station fly over, brighter than the brightest star.

                  Time: Thu Feb 05 7:14 PM, Visible: 2 min, Max Height: 65 degrees, Appears: WSW, Disappears: WNW

               I don't know why I want to share that with you in this thread, but seeing how far humanity can reach thrills me.

« Last Edit: February 05, 2015, 07:29:52 PM by shnozzola »
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Offline eh!

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #17 on: February 06, 2015, 08:05:32 PM »
a bit late but my condolences, we are here for you.
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2. What if there is a rock in the middle of a road, a blind person is speeding towards it, ...they say that they can't see it.   Would you recommend him to keep speeding?

Offline wright

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #18 on: February 10, 2015, 02:54:38 AM »
My sympathy for your loss. The deaths of older friends and relatives is becoming a sadly familiar event as I push on through middle age. Irrational as it is, at the purely emotional level it feels like betrayal.

Here's a poem I wrote on the topic not long ago.

Seeing You

"Bob just died," Mom said on the phone.
"Do you want to see him,
before they take him away?"

So I came, driving on a sunny morning
to see your familiar shell, my stepfather,
one more time.

Were we too alike to really understand
each other? Was our quarreling at the end
all my fault, my deep lake of passivity
barely ruffled by your gusting criticism?

Yet you made my mother so happy. You
spiced and warmed her life, she in turn
igniting with her passion for you.

So I was grateful to sit beside that bed
the two of you had heated for so long,
and touch your pale, cooling cheek.



C. Cooper
Live a good life... If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I am not afraid.
--Marcus Aurelius

Offline AshleyNC30

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #19 on: March 05, 2015, 05:45:50 PM »
It seems that the strongest believers suffer the most.  I have no answers.  I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Offline Defiance

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Re: My mother died this morning
« Reply #20 on: March 05, 2015, 09:25:59 PM »
It seems that the strongest believers suffer the most.  I have no answers.  I'm so sorry for your loss.

DoS is not a believer. Do you not think she suffered a considerable amount?
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