Author Topic: A guy walks into a bank.  (Read 187 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline YRM_DM

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 960
  • Darwins +340/-2
  • Gender: Male
  • WWGHA Member
A guy walks into a bank.
« on: June 24, 2016, 09:34:39 AM »
I had a check that I needed split into several accounts and partly cashed, so, I just walked it into my local bank to do the splitting-up.

There was a guy in line with a cane and a big ball-cap covered in a JESUS slogan who was, in a friendly-but-socially-awkward way conducting a never ending conversation with the bank teller.   He was talking about his wife who'd passed, and his health problems (had a cane).

He was talking to the bank teller about his giant coffee can of coins and how much he'd hate to roll them all but he wanted to cash them.   In the time it took him to tell this story, he could have rolled half of them.   Waiting in line, I interjected, "The store right across from us has a CoinStar that converts to Amazon Gift Cards."   He said, "They don't give you 1-1 for your money."   I said, "If you get a gift card, it does, and you can get anything you need on Amazon."

Sensing his chance, he bursts out, "Jesus gives me all I need!   I don't need ANYTHING else but Jesus."

I didn't want to point out that he was lacking health, his wife, social skills, and any friends, because he is old and maybe clinging desperately to his delusions.

So instead I said, "Well, cash in all your coins for an Amazon Gift Card, then donate it to your church."

He literally throws up a hand and says, "I wouldn't go that far.   I'll keep the gift card for myself."

He chuckles and repeats it, then ambles out the door, trying to assault one of the VPs with a new string of conversation about some other thing.  (I wonder what it'll be like to be that bored again, where I'm not always in a hurry to get to the next family or work event on my schedule.)

---

I just find it so ironic that after feeling so "moved by the spirit" to proclaim boldly that Jesus gives him "all he needs" in correction to my assertion that you can buy anything you need on Amazon... he was completely unwilling to even consider donating the gift card to people who might need it more.

Since he needs the Amazon Gift Card so bad, I wonder exactly what it is that Jesus gives him.   Maybe I should have asked, but, again, I try not to mess with the elderly.   He's paid enough of a price, he doesn't need some atheist messing with his critical delusions.
You can't spell BELIEVE without LIE...  and a few other letters.  B and E and V and I think E.

Offline Nick

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 12263
  • Darwins +303/-8
  • Gender: Male
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #1 on: June 24, 2016, 09:55:14 AM »
Well, Jesus saves.
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline YouCantHandleTheTruth

  • Graduate
  • ****
  • Posts: 329
  • Darwins +75/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • WWGHA Member
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #2 on: June 24, 2016, 10:09:33 AM »
Since he needs the Amazon Gift Card so bad, I wonder exactly what it is that Jesus gives him. 

Maybe an ineffective cure to his loneliness?  As you pointed out, he's retired, he's not in a hurry so he can talk with the teller.  Sounds like he was talking the teller's ear off, which is often a sign of loneliness, and let's face it, it's common in the elderly.  Maybe his wife died, his kids have their own families or he never had kids, etc.

That's something we all potentially have to face - it's sad.  So you can see where for some, Jesus gives some hope.  I'm very thankful for the internet, and ideas like "MeetUp" and now "Friendable."  I think both provide great opportunities for the elderly down the road - our generation will have a better grasp on the internet than did this man's generation, albeit there will be many changes.  Maybe this man feels like he's been left behind.  Pun intended. 

Online Nam

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 17894
  • Darwins +618/-131
  • Gender: Male
  • I'm on the road less traveled...
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #3 on: June 24, 2016, 10:19:08 AM »
A vibrator and ky jelly for his wife. They're old, not dead.

;)

-Nam
"presumptions are the bitch of all assumptions" -- me

Offline Jag

  • Fellow
  • *******
  • Posts: 3064
  • Darwins +391/-9
  • Gender: Female
  • Official WWGHA Harpy, Ex-rosary squad
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #4 on: June 24, 2016, 11:15:01 AM »
Quote
A vibrator and ky jelly for his wife. They're old, not dead.

He was talking about his wife who'd passed,
"Tell people that there's an invisible man in the sky that created the entire universe and the majority believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure." ~George Carlin

Online Nam

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 17894
  • Darwins +618/-131
  • Gender: Male
  • I'm on the road less traveled...
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #5 on: June 24, 2016, 11:21:32 AM »
Quote
A vibrator and ky jelly for his wife. They're old, not dead.

He was talking about his wife who'd passed,

A new wife? Today's my birthday. I can only be expected to read so much.

;)

-Nam
"presumptions are the bitch of all assumptions" -- me

Offline Nick

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 12263
  • Darwins +303/-8
  • Gender: Male
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #6 on: June 24, 2016, 12:11:45 PM »
Today is your Birthday, Nam?
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Online Nam

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 17894
  • Darwins +618/-131
  • Gender: Male
  • I'm on the road less traveled...
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #7 on: June 24, 2016, 12:36:55 PM »
Today is your Birthday, Nam?

No.

-Nam
"presumptions are the bitch of all assumptions" -- me

Offline CrystalDragon

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 578
  • Darwins +75/-2
  • Gender: Female
  • Proud Whovian
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #8 on: June 24, 2016, 12:49:12 PM »
Today is your Birthday, Nam?

No.

-Nam

I thought you said it was your birthday on that other thread?
Sometimes what is unknown is the most interesting.

"It is always darker right before the light.  Or for some people, it just stays dark, but they don't seem to notice."

Online Nam

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 17894
  • Darwins +618/-131
  • Gender: Male
  • I'm on the road less traveled...
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #9 on: June 24, 2016, 12:52:48 PM »
Today is your Birthday, Nam?

No.

-Nam

I thought you said it was your birthday on that other thread?

It is.

Stupid questions get stupid answers.

-Nam.
"presumptions are the bitch of all assumptions" -- me

Offline YRM_DM

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 960
  • Darwins +340/-2
  • Gender: Male
  • WWGHA Member
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #10 on: June 24, 2016, 12:53:57 PM »
Happy Birthday Nam.

And yeah, I felt kind of bad for the guy's loneliness, but, it's sadly in one of those downward spiral situations where, the desperation to talk, and the need to squeeze in Jesus, is just going to make him into one of those people that you're trying to find a way to escape the conversation.

Hopefully when I'm that old, they'll have some open world video games that turn today's best on their ear, and I can just get wrapped up in exploring that if I don't have any other surviving friends.
You can't spell BELIEVE without LIE...  and a few other letters.  B and E and V and I think E.

Offline CrystalDragon

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 578
  • Darwins +75/-2
  • Gender: Female
  • Proud Whovian
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #11 on: June 24, 2016, 01:11:48 PM »
Happy Birthday Nam.

And yeah, I felt kind of bad for the guy's loneliness, but, it's sadly in one of those downward spiral situations where, the desperation to talk, and the need to squeeze in Jesus, is just going to make him into one of those people that you're trying to find a way to escape the conversation.

Hopefully when I'm that old, they'll have some open world video games that turn today's best on their ear, and I can just get wrapped up in exploring that if I don't have any other surviving friends.

Well, we have the Occulus Rift already, so we're getting there! :)
Sometimes what is unknown is the most interesting.

"It is always darker right before the light.  Or for some people, it just stays dark, but they don't seem to notice."

Offline Backspace

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1567
  • Darwins +96/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • IXNAY
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #12 on: June 24, 2016, 01:12:39 PM »
I try not to mess with the elderly.

Smart - we can be an ornery lot.  And we don't smell so good either.  8)

PS: Feliz cumpleaƱos a ti, Nam
« Last Edit: June 24, 2016, 01:14:36 PM by Backspace »
There is no opinion so absurd that a preacher could not express it.
-- Bernie Katz

Offline YouCantHandleTheTruth

  • Graduate
  • ****
  • Posts: 329
  • Darwins +75/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • WWGHA Member
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #13 on: June 24, 2016, 01:56:19 PM »
Happy Birthday Nam.

And yeah, I felt kind of bad for the guy's loneliness, but, it's sadly in one of those downward spiral situations where, the desperation to talk, and the need to squeeze in Jesus, is just going to make him into one of those people that you're trying to find a way to escape the conversation.

Hopefully when I'm that old, they'll have some open world video games that turn today's best on their ear, and I can just get wrapped up in exploring that if I don't have any other surviving friends.

Yeah I think by the time we're that old, there could be some real possibilities.  One of them is virtual reality.  In the case of this man, and, I'll say it, me, it's not easy to just go out and make new friends.  I can mask it, go to parties and look like I'm sociable.  I'm not - at all.  I'm an introvert that's faking it.  Maybe that's the case with this guy.  Virtual reality might bring all sorts of companionship to the table (and I guess artificial intelligence?).  I'm not just thinking from a porn and AI sexy robot perspective, but in terms of friendship and help for many elderly people.  Ray Bradbury was way ahead of the curve when he wrote the script for "I Sing The Body Electric", which went into depth about the positives of AI, and they turned it into a good Twilight Zone episode.

Offline YRM_DM

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 960
  • Darwins +340/-2
  • Gender: Male
  • WWGHA Member
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #14 on: June 24, 2016, 02:05:24 PM »
I try not to mess with the elderly.

Smart - we can be an ornery lot.  And we don't smell so good either.  8)

PS: Feliz cumpleaƱos a ti, Nam

Well, I'm not so far from elderly myself, being middle aged.   I tried to imagine that maybe this guy was a war-hero, or, he'd founded a charity or something... that let me forgive his awkwardness a little more easily.   He may well be a war hero, or at least a vet.   I'm sure he's sacrificed in his life.

I don't live in his paradigm, so, I'd tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I do, however, think that his faith, which he thinks helps him, is actually hurting him.    i.e.   If he didn't have faith, he'd not waste his last years, he wouldn't obsess about Jesus... maybe he'd put more value on getting those last quality experiences, or finding an effective way to cure his loneliness.   If "Jesus" was curing his loneliness, then, he wouldn't have acted the way he was.

Y'know?

You can't spell BELIEVE without LIE...  and a few other letters.  B and E and V and I think E.

Offline LoriPinkAngel

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1900
  • Darwins +216/-6
  • Gender: Female
  • I'm Your Nurse, Not Your Waitress...
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #15 on: June 24, 2016, 02:39:21 PM »
Quote
A vibrator and ky jelly for his wife. They're old, not dead.

He was talking about his wife who'd passed,

A new wife? Today's my birthday. I can only be expected to read so much.

;)

-Nam

Happy birthday, Nam!
It doesn't make sense to let go of something you've had for so long.  But it also doesn't make sense to hold on when there's actually nothing there.

Offline eh!

  • Professor
  • ********
  • Posts: 6702
  • Darwins +400/-86
  • Gender: Male
  • jimmy hendrix is jesus
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #16 on: June 24, 2016, 03:36:46 PM »
I told my friends who got into halucinagens when we were young that I wasn't taking any. I said I will do that shit when I am old a losing my mobility etc.

It seemed totally obvious to me that taking hallucinogenic drugs should be an old man activity.
some skepisms,
1. "I have not seen God. I have felt the invisible presence"
2. What if there is a rock in the middle of a road, a blind person is speeding towards it, ...they say that they can't see it.   Would you recommend him to keep speeding?

Offline Boots

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1726
  • Darwins +161/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Living the Dream
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #17 on: June 24, 2016, 03:47:52 PM »
Well, Jesus saves.

then he should hang out in that bank!  BOOM
...religion is simply tribalism with a side order of philosophical wankery, and occasionally a baseball bat to smash...anyone who doesn't show...deference to the tribe's chosen totem.

~Astreja

To not believe in god is to know that it falls to us to make the world a better place.

~Sam Harris

Offline eh!

  • Professor
  • ********
  • Posts: 6702
  • Darwins +400/-86
  • Gender: Male
  • jimmy hendrix is jesus
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #18 on: June 24, 2016, 03:57:15 PM »
JESUS SLAVES LIVES

some skepisms,
1. "I have not seen God. I have felt the invisible presence"
2. What if there is a rock in the middle of a road, a blind person is speeding towards it, ...they say that they can't see it.   Would you recommend him to keep speeding?

Offline YRM_DM

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 960
  • Darwins +340/-2
  • Gender: Male
  • WWGHA Member
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #19 on: Today at 02:54:32 PM »
What if Jesus did walk in there and said, "I'd like to open up another savings account."?
You can't spell BELIEVE without LIE...  and a few other letters.  B and E and V and I think E.

Offline Willie

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 831
  • Darwins +116/-1
  • Gender: Male
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #20 on: Today at 09:20:14 PM »
If Jesus went in there, he'd turn over all their tables.

Offline eh!

  • Professor
  • ********
  • Posts: 6702
  • Darwins +400/-86
  • Gender: Male
  • jimmy hendrix is jesus
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #21 on: Today at 09:39:21 PM »
How does that work with automatic teller machines?
some skepisms,
1. "I have not seen God. I have felt the invisible presence"
2. What if there is a rock in the middle of a road, a blind person is speeding towards it, ...they say that they can't see it.   Would you recommend him to keep speeding?

Offline Willie

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 831
  • Darwins +116/-1
  • Gender: Male
Re: A guy walks into a bank.
« Reply #22 on: Today at 09:49:47 PM »
Not sure how it would work with regular human teller desks either, since those tend to be stationary and attached to thick lexan windows.  But no problem. Jesus can work miracles. He'd find a way to turn 'em over. Or maybe he'd just turn over the coffee table in the bank lobby.

« Last Edit: Today at 09:51:27 PM by Willie »