If you don't want "arrogant arm-chair expert" advice, then don't ask the question of amateurs in the first place. If you want professional advice, spend the money and go to a shrink. You have no grounds for complaint.
This is a forum to ask questions, discuss, and debate, is it not?
It is. You asked a question, which is fine. You got some answers, also fine. Then star stuff began with the nonsense - dodging questions, mischaracterizing my position repeatedly, being generally difficult. My post that you quote above was a response to your brother's comment here:
But even if I didn't know her, I would not be doling out the arrogant arm-chair "expert" advice that you so easily and callously dish out, knowing diddly squat about the people involved. What does it cost you to suggest dropping a bomb in people's lives? Nothing.
His points seem to be:
1. we didn't know "diddly squat" about your situation
2. we don't know you.
3. we were merely "arrogant arm-chair experts", which is to say, not experts or even remotely knowledgable
4. we advocated "dropping bombs"
5. we should not dole out advice.
If you sum that up, it equals STFU. He was saying we should not have answered. That is not debate. That is not discussion. That is your brother trying to shut down discussion. Rather than discuss or debate the points on their merits, he is attacking the people who made them. It is an ad hominem attack. We are "arrogant arm-chair experts", therefore, our points are invalid. It is a logical fallacy that he recognizes and calls out when theists use it. Unfortunately he is too emotionally involved in this discussion to recognize when he is doing it, let alone to refrain from using it.
It would be a good exercise for you to reread my conversation with him. It will be to practice using reason over emotion. Look for all the places where he dodges the point, accuses me of saying things I did not say and generally behaves like an irrational tool. Then explain it to him. It will help you prepare for the day when you are ready to have your atheist discussion with your other arrogant siblings who treat you poorly.
Not sure I understand where my brother outright lied?
It was a lie of omission. It took him until the 4th page to reveal that you were siblings. Why? What was the big secret? That puts a very different perspective on his role in the "conversation". He seemed to want to argue as though he had nothing at stake, when really he did. Why would he do that?
Maybe it's no big deal. Maybe I am overreacting. But it strikes me as something he could and should have been up front about. Combine that with the way he rather dishonorably handled himself, it makes me wonder what he was up to, what his hidden agenda was.
Actually his opinion and answers, and the way that you and others replied to them helped, it was not reduntant to me or unnecessary.
I am glad you found it worthwhile.
he can share his replies just like any other, and he knows the situation, so he can relate to me.
But that was not what he was doing. He was trying shut down everyone who disagreed with him. My point was, why was that necessary and why do it here? You asked for advice and he seemed to want to control the advice, to limit the discussion. He only wanted his advice to be advanced. For my part, I really don't care what you do. You asked. I answered. The rest is up to you.
Some more advice - getting advice from disinterested strangers is usually best. They can see things more clearly because they do not have the same bonds and emotional ties. They do not have a vested interest either way.
IN my experience, the people closest to you actively try to prevent you from changing, even for the better. They have an image, a model of you formed in their minds. And any drastic change to that model makes them uncomfortable. Example - your family having a hard time accepting that you are an atheist. It does not fit with how they think of you. It scares them because they start to wonder who else they are wrong about and in what ways?
On the other hand, I have found that strangers are almost always willing to help another person acheive their goals if they know them. This is a situation I have actually been in. I met someone new and we were talking about careers. I expressed a desire to do something different. She came up with 10 things I should do right away to pursue that goal. My friends and family came up with 10 reasons why I shouldn't. It is not that they don't care about me or want me to fail. It is just difficult for them to cope with change even in other people.
I'm not saying SS is working against you. I am sure his intentions are mostly good. I am saying, you should be very skeptical of his advice and be aware of his motives. As Screwtape Sr says, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Sorry trying to do another quote and it screwed up, Ill figure this quoting thing out one day, lol!
It's alright. Read
this and practice.
