...I do have some idea about this sort of thing, Jim, believe it or not. My dad practically disowned me when he found out that not only was I not a fundy like him, but that I was also not amenable to conversion. It was very traumatic, but at least our later partial reconciliation was based on who we each were. I didn't have to hide myself and present a false son for my father to fawn over. What did I have to gain by faking it, had I known how to at the time? Some good feelings, I suppose. More exposure to bigotry; more encouragement of it, by association. Inhibited personal growth and undermined self-worth, from what I have been able to tell through introspection. I am not being flippant, I am speaking from experience.
This here is valuable input, as opposed to trying to reduce the complexities of human social interactions and emotions to simple IF...THEN statements. They are not so simple, and to pretend that one can reduce them to a few simple statements is extremely misleading.
But, you continue to oversimplify what I am writing. I never said that one should
hide themself, "don't come out". I never said "live a lie". Care must be taken, and one must never
assume that just because it seems like the best thing for them, that all will agree, everything will be alright, and that whatever happens it will be for the best.
You and L6 think that it's for the best if a relationship bursts when one guy's parents are shattered because they can't accept their child is not what they thought. That's great. For you and L6. Yeah, I guess the math adds up for that equation, too, so fine, your logic works. On the other hand, the guy may finally be "free" from the thing that was on his mind, but also forever miserable that the relationship is unrepairable, maybe more miserable than before. Yay.
Certainly the manner is something to consider. My reasoning above was based purely off of the transfer of information, without including how it is done. That's a whole discussion of its own, though.
The manner in which it's done is quite a part of the whole thing, isn't it? The same words, broached different ways, or at different times, can have different effect.
The alternative is to intentionally live a lie. How different is that, in principle, from embracing the religious self-delusion itself?
You oversimplify and mis-state. I have not told you about how I eat. How I eat is a cornerstone of my life... when I eat, my diet, my medical reasons for it, everything. In fact, it is much more important to me in my day to day life than my religion or lack of religion is. But, I haven't told you how much I hate eating ______ and how eating __________ gives me gas enough to clear a room in 30 seconds. Am I living a lie? Should I tell you? Should I tell all of my aunts an uncles too? Am I also to tell all about my bad bill paying habits? My health problems? Or how I detest housework? I must tell all or I am living a lie?
No, of course not. What I choose to tell or not tell is my own fucking business. If I choose to keep my own counsel, and keep silent about those things that I need no one else's opinion for, it is not living a lie. I can continue to go about my life as I please, and I am not bound to tell any particular person.