I think I tend to agree with Adzgari on this. The level of loyalty to family can, and often does go to rediculous levels. I think that the loyalty & respect ought to be earned, not automatic or demanded. I think too that our tendency to be "loyal to family" to such rediculous levels can be explained in evolutionary terms.
Maybe. But, when you piss them off, then later in life you get into trouble, they may not be there for you. "Family" is much more than nucleic acids and weird uncles that must earn their keep with your good graces at every turn.
Their loyalty and respect for you is affected by how graciously or clumsily you come out. So, do you piss them off with a big coming out? That depends on the personality ingredients of everyone involved. It's different with every family. You, and you alone must make the decision (I speak here of the generic "you", not you
, Star Stuff). We have seen many people on this forum who "came out" -- atheism, homosexuality, whatever -- and with some it completely pissed off their folks and fucked up their relationship with their family even more than it was before.
So, in any given case, one must guess: will my life be worse with angry family, but with the release of coming out... or will my life be worse with a cooler family situation, but holding back on my true feelings? Only you can answer that.
I think that L6's post was filled with bravado, and I think the decision is not for anyone else to make, shame, or cajole you into doing. I do not think it was good advice. I, personally, would not suggest that one do the politically expedient or motivated thing above
your relationship with those who love you, or to prove
a relationship with those who love you.
Be prepared to make concessions. My mother knows I don't believe. She also knows that whenever she talks to me about religious stuff, I go kind of glassy-eyed. But, when the holidays come around, we celebrate Easter and Christmas and I go to church with her. Why? Because she likes it. Going with her does not harm me in the least.
And, not everyone needs to know. Telling everyone about your new-found __________-ism may feel good and liberating, but it can also have a boomerang effect.
With that said, admittedly, the lesbian gay community outing process did bring the topic more out into the open than before. I wonder how many relationships were dashed against the rocks, never to heal.